Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Teacher discipline is this too far?

7 replies

MuchAdoAbout · 16/05/2024 01:43

My sons teacher (yr 3) who is very rigid and unliked by teachers and pupils. There have been multiple complaints. Children refusing to go to school because they dislike her and think she dislikes them. She is always telling my child off. She recently disciplined my child for something he hadn't done on the say so of another child. When we asked why she didn't seek my son's perspective, she refused to engage. When raised the deputy - as the teacher refused to engage - deputy confirmed teacher should have spoken to both parties. And agreed to follow up with the teacher.

My son has ADHD and ASD. How this appears at school is talking too much, needing to move, high anxiety, struggling to process information quickly. She gets frustrated with him as he takes too long sometimes to complete writing work and sometimes doesn't contribute to class discussion as much as she wants.

Today kids on the table were saying she is a rubbish teacher, that they hate her and that she hates them. My son said - she is not always kind. One of the kids reported his comment to the teacher.

My son was taken outside by the teacher. Asked what he said. He confirms he said what the child said he did - my son repeated it.

Teacher tells him he is rude and disrespectful. My child apologises and said he is sorry for being rude and disrespectful and he should not have said what he did. She then says but are you sorry and he says yes. She says but are you really sorry or did you mean it? He then says yes but sometimes you aren't kind. She says give me one example of when I've not been kind. And he stutters and doesn't reply quickly (he has slow processing) and then she says - see I am not unkind you can't me a single example. I would not have thought any child in my class would be so thoroughly rude and disrespectful.

I think he should absolutely have been told off - told that what he said was unkind and unnecessary. I imagine it hurt her feelings. And he is sorry for that. She also has been incredibly unfair to him on multiple occasions and has never recognised this.

I feel she focused on him not his behaviour, "he is rude and disrespectful" and goaded him/ tripped him up by asking repeatedly if he was really sorry. I'm not sure how that was going to end usefully. It seems to me like a disproportionate response and I wonder if she took out her feelings about the situation/ complaints on him.

I wish to have a convo with the school about this. Not the teacher. She just stares and repeats her stance. No dialogue.

But I wondered what others would do and whether I am over reacting?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
ineedtostopbeingdramaticfirst · 16/05/2024 02:55

I would go to the head. I assume you only have your sons account so be aware teacher may feel differently. But I would want this investigating.

Could you request your son moves class. ?

That would be an easy solution.

But if it's accurate it's appalling she spoke to a child that way particularly a child with Sen.

My son's school has a focus on helping children understand their actions for themselves. What this teacher did sounds like harassment.

Happyinarcon · 16/05/2024 03:26

Your child is being gaslit!!! He’s speaking the truth and getting punished, it’s going to make him a nervous anxious child. The teacher will not change she will just get better at hiding her abuse and the school will do nothing.

Octavia64 · 16/05/2024 04:20

It's not unusual for children to struggle with the step up to year 3. Most primary schools have higher expectations of junior children than infant children and they drop an after noon break etc etc.

Year 3 teachers are often seen as strict for that reason.

The teacher should have got both sides of it.

However what your child said was disrespectful.

With ASD and adhd he may not be as socially aware as other students.

60andsomething · 16/05/2024 04:22

YABU

ageratum1 · 16/05/2024 20:54

How would your ds feel if a group of his ckass were sitting together in the ckassroom, all bitchung about him in hearing?Saying how awful he was, how useless at his schoolwork is and how much they hate him?
I tell you, he would be devastated, deeply damaged.
The teacher took him aside to justify his feelings he couldn't think of a single example.
Your ds is squarely the one in the wrong, and like many insecure oarents, just look to deflect blame.
What sort of adultvdo you think your child us going to become when you don't hold him to account for shitty cruel behaviour?

AnnieSF · 17/05/2024 04:56

I assume you want a good outcome from this for your son so I would be asking to have a meeting with both the teacher and whoever her line manager is. I would say that your son is struggling and that you want to be able to ensure that he is getting as much from school as he can do. Put them on the spot and discuss these issues. It's not a war. Honey catches more flies.

InsolentNoise · 20/07/2024 13:21

I’m a primary teacher and I’d be horrified if a child said this about me.
I would take them aside and ask them, very gently, if I had said or done something in particular to warrant such a comment.

If they were unable to pinpoint anything at that particular moment, I would apologise for making them feel that way and I’d be going out of my way to be extra caring and kind towards them.

Your child wasn’t rude or disrespectful, just honest.
That comment would absolutely stop me in my tracks and make me take a long, hard look at myself!

As it is, I am known for being fair and for apologising when I’m wrong.

I hope things have improved for you both now.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread