Primary School Indecision

[VimtoQueen90]

Hi,

Name and some details changed for this, just seeking a bit of advice if anyone can help.

DS (3) turns 4 in two weeks and is currently at a preschool in the afternoons at the school we have just received a reception place for in September.

The primary school he's due to start has an excellent reputation and we bought a house in the area back in 2016 with a view to one day send our kids to this school.

We had a few issues with DS's behaviour after Christmas (getting bored during storytime and a bit disruptive) and I found that his teacher was a bit dismissive about it when we asked for feedback at pickup so we knew things to address when we got home. He's been fine now for a while, but he's had another couple of incidents where one child has hurt him quite often, he's been bitten, scratched and this week he got hit across the head with a bag. I understand kids are kids and sometimes these things happen but school said they would try and keep them separate. On waiting to pick up DS this week I heard the other child's parent (2 parents in front of me in the queue) informed that their son had hit another child quite hard across the head with his bag and it was a shame as he'd had a good day up until this. When it came my turn to pickup, despite standing there for a while, nothing was said to me and my son was escorted to the door by a TA which I thought was a bit odd but thought nothing of. When we got home, son said to husband that this child had hit him across the head with the bag when he was playing with another child and when my husband felt his head, there was quite a large lump.

Next day, husband addresses it at pick up to ask what happened as he had a fairly large lump and is told by teacher that the boys rough play and he must have gotten bumped. She apologised for not passing it on as it happened at the end of the day and slipped her mind. DS was given an ice press as he was upset and I suspect TA was with him in case of any symptoms relating to the injury. Husband came home and told me but I felt this was untrue, as I had clearly heard the other parent told it was deliberate and don't understand how if it happened at the end of the day and the other parent was informed minute before me, it could have slipped her mind to tell us.

There's now a bit of back and forth where the teacher is insisting she forgot as it was at the end of the day and normally would have followed procedure for a head injury, but I genuinely feel it shouldn't have been forgotten and couldn't have when the parent in front of me had been informed mere seconds before! I've found this teacher to be quite difficult with communication and genuinely felt she just didn't want to have that conversation with me. I'm always reluctant to kick up a fuss, but i'm really unhappy by how all this has been handled.

I'm now wondering if its a good school to send him to for primary. Its acting like a big red flag for me, but others are insisting its just one teacher and one incident and to still give the school a chance. There's another school up the road that is rated exactly the same and is also known as a lovely school, just a bit smaller and I'm considering sending him there now, but am I being too rash?

Teacher sounds incompetent, coming from an ex teacher! Head injuries cannot be “forgotten” about. I think you’re well within your rights to pop the school an email, explain you had overheard the teacher calling it deliberate.

I would see how the school handle that, I wouldn’t write them the whole school off based on one teacher right now.

@MalibuBarbieDreamHouse Thanks for responding. So we've been going back and forth with the school a bit over email and phone call and they've apologised and said it was a genuine oversight. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I just genuinely don't believe it was, I feel for whatever reason, she didn't want to tell me. The deputy called and spoke to me and apologised and said DS is their utmost concern which was good, but I'm still not convinced, I feel like they know it was a bad error and they just want it to go away. The thing that annoys me the most is the other child's parent was told and it feels like it was more important for them to know than us!

You could very well be correct, but if the teacher has denied it, the deputy is likely to support the teacher, but the incident will have been logged.

Honestly, the response from the school was good. They’ve apologised - Some schools can be so dismissive and I’m sure that they will be extra careful with reporting things in the future regarding your son.

Definitely too rash! I understand you being cross at how this has been dealt with but it's one incident and one teacher. It doesn't suddenly make it a bad school. I'm sure every parent will have come across a handful of incidents over the years at their own school where they've not been overly impressed how it's been dealt with but unless there was an absolute catalogue of issues or your child is unhappy I certainly wouldn't consider moving them over an odd incident.

Teachers are human and all have days where they could have handled things differently, just like anyone else. If it was a regular occurrence I'd be concerned but one off things are going to happen at any school I'm afraid. I would definitely brush this one off and see September as a fresh start. Moving schools is such an upheaval for young children. I would only consider it in extreme cases. Do you even know if the other school has space? The grass isn't always greener. You picked this one for a reason.

Also, you say he's at the pre-school attached? Is it definitely a pre-school or is it the school nursery? I ask because school nurseries are run and staffed by the school. Pre-school are separate organisations. Many run in the ground of a school, and have close links to that school in that many of the children end up attending that school, but the staff are not employed by the school and the school have nothing to do with how they are run.

If it is a pre-school, this incident is no reflection on the school whatsoever. Even if it's the school nursery, it is just one member of staff. However, if you are still unhappy with how this has been handled (understandably) I would take it further by talking to the head. That way you can get a truer reflection of how the school deal with issues as the likelihood is the headteacher is currently completely oblivious there is even an issue. Good luck.

@BoleynMemories13 Sorry, it's a nursery for the school, so its attached! We call it a pre-school as my son goes to a different morning wraparound nursery and calling them both nursery was confusing him so we started referring to his afternoon primary school nursery as pre-school.

I think my fear is as this has happened so early on with the school that maybe it's a big red flag and if we choose to send him there, there could be more issues like this. However, I think you're probably right and most parents have experienced something like this as a one off but everything else has been fine down the line. @MalibuBarbieDreamHouse you're probably right too, they have called and apologised which I guess might not happen in some circumstances. I did get a quite passive aggressive email from the teacher about it which I then raised further with the deputy who apologised again, so I've decided to leave it there but it's just left me questioning it all. I'm worried it's a good school on paper and with its reputation but pastoral care wise of kids, not too great. However, my son does seem happy there and before this teacher started in January, we were happy with everything

You have complained. There has been an apology from the teacher and the SLT. You are not going to be able to prove the reason you weren't told so I am not sure what outcome you want. I would also have a think about how you interact with staff. You think the reason you were not told is that the teacher didn't want to discuss it with you. Why would that be? Kids that age do sometimes hurt someone else. They don't have good impulse control etc why would she be nervous about letting you know?

@cansu I'm not sure the reason I wasn't told and that's my issue. I've not had any negative interactions in the past although I have found the teacher quite dismissive when I had queries regarding DS.
I understand nothing further is going to come from this but it's made me query whether this is an early red flag. One parent was told and we were not. We were also told our son got 'bumped' during rough play but I heard the other parent told it was deliberate. That's my query that I won't get a clear answer for.

The only reason I can think of that we weren't told is that there have been a couple of incidents with this other child hurting DS and they think as we have asked for them to separated if possible we might 'kick off' but we get that kids are kids and these things happen. We've never made an issue of it in the past. It just would have been nice to have been told in the same manner the other parent was so if the bump had been worse, we would have been informed