Help needed - what shall I do.

[ZooKeeper19]

Our DS (4,5) is due to start school in Sep 2024. He has a place at a private school and an offer from local state school.
We live in North London. We will have to move in the next 2 years and we plan to buy a house. We also have second child that will start reception Sep 2025.

I have zero worry about academics and this is not a factor in my decision making. Sending both kids to private school would make moving difficult financially.

DS is very emotional child, struggles to go to nursery where he has been since he was 1,5 (but once there he has a great time and zero issues). He has been assessed by a psychologist who said he may be a little on the ADHD line but should be re-assessed in 1-2 years time. Nursery says he is OK and will cope.

State school is a large one with large classes and a lot of children noise etc etc. We went to see it and he was not thrilled - I thought it was OK but what do I know. He liked the private school more.

I am trying to decide what to do. Shall I send him to the private one for one year (reject the state school place) and see how he copes in private school for a year before deciding if he can go state from year 1? Second child will cope anywhere (I think).

Is rejecting the state school going to mean he will have no chance getting into state school later?

What if we move to another area - he will have to go to another (probably) state school somewhere else- is him not being "in the system" since reception going to mean he will be hard to place elsewhere?

I think you need to do it the other way around. Send him to state school and if it doesn’t work out, move to private. The other way around will be much more difficult - how difficult depends on your local area, how oversubscribed the schools are etc. Also, if private school becomes too difficult for you financially and you are forced to go to state later on, that could become more and more difficult for your DS as he gets older.

You should also aim for both your children to go to the same school. I wouldn’t put eldest in private and youngest in state - that’s just unfair.

Our 4.5yo had absolutely no say in which school we applied for. She didn’t even come to the visits. I mean this kindly but, why did you take your DS? You say “what do I know” but, what does he know? You will know which is better for him and your family, circumstances etc - his opinion, to be frank, shouldn’t matter.

If you reject your state school place you may not be able to go to that specific school at a later date- it will depend on whether the school is full or not when you apply to transfer. Same might be true for the private school. If you move areas there is no advantage to having previously been in state sector vs. Private sector- same rules as above will apply, meaning your choice might be limited by which schools have open spaces.

Thank you, that is helpful. My worry was/is that rejecting the state school will cause issues down the line, but if moving will cause the same issues regardless, perhaps one less thing to worry about.

If you need a state school later it will be a place wherever there is a vacancy, especially until year 3 when infant class size restrictions apply, so not necessarily a close school or one of your choosing. Otherwise there would be no ongoing implications of declining now. Do you not need to give notice imminently if you plan not to take the private school place, before summer term starts, or pay a term's fees in lieu.