Hoping getting this out in writing help and need the opinion of others too as I’m going round in circles. It’s going to be a long one as I need to get it all down.
dd in reception. December birthday, bright + able
currently in 2 form entry school. 60 kids in reception. 50% more boys than girls : relevant as my dd is textbook ‘girl’ if you were going to label her personality. Plays with girls more, enjoys her learning, not rough and tumble at all - always upside down doing cartwheels handstands, enjoys crafts, by her own admission finds the boys too loud and chaotic etc.
we chose a ‘bigger’ school for her to have a bigger pool of potential friends. It hasn’t worked out that way unfortunately and she actually only has a pool for approx 10 girls in her class. She is slightly off beat and while she loves to make friends she just gels better with some (just like adults I guess?) and unfortunately, as yet she just has not found her people in school. I know their personalities are just emerging but others seem to be grouped off in budding friendships.
school overall, has potential but is nothing special in terms of the offering - local to us to we can walk which I do like. Quite ‘cold’ feeling now I realise, not very nurturing. New head who might make it better but not sure she will stick it out. My DD is ‘doing well’ so doesn’t get any time with teachers, only read to her TA twice last term.
her younger brother is due to start this September. He is late summer born.
DD is showing huge signs of anxiety, and is aware she is struggling to make friends in her school setting. She makes friends well in other settings (dance class, swimming club, random kids at soft play etc family friends etc), I don’t suspect any neurodiversity. just think it’s bad luck with the pool. But the anxiety is worrying me. Picking her fingers and skin until they bleed when ‘nervous’ telling me school is too busy/noisy etc. often says she spends a lot of energy ‘looking for a friend’ is spending time with those kids who have 1:1s and I suspect this is because they have an adult she can talk to.
but despite this she says she does not want to move school. I have said just in conversation that there are options, nothing has to be forever and perhaps we could have a look - nothing heavy has been suggested to her. Is that resistance just fear of change from a 5 year old?? Should we just present it as a done deal?
there is a a small (mixed class) school about 12 min drive away which is polar opposite. By chance, High ratio of girls in the year she would go into. Church school (we’re not religious but can appreciate the values) very cosy feeling. Lots of whole school activities. But v small. Planned intake of 15 with stand alone reception and then 1/2 3/4 5/6
is it a no brainer to try and get them both in there? Her as an in year transfer, DS as a late change to the application? It might not even come off as no idea if they wound have specs in the next intake for him. Or do we persevere where we are? Afterall I don’t know a new school would solve anything (but maybe it would)
Im gutted I feel like I’ve absolutely ballsed everything up and she’s going to be upset at moving and it may not even work out as have to consider getting 2 spaces. But I feel like we are going to lose her sunny nature to the anxiety that school + not being able to settle with friends may bring.
what would you do?
anything to help her anxiety if we don’t move her (and even if we do)? I don’t know where to go with it beside just love her as much as we do, giving her time, attention, space.. she really does have a caring loving home. We would do anything for these kids. Would child play or art therapy be useful for an increasingly anxious child?