After school 'learning' - how do you 'get' kids to do it? Suggestions for the unwilling!

[Curlewwoohoo]

Hesitating on what to put as the subject. I didn't want to put homework as that's not fully accurate.

My Dd 9yo is in year 4. She has just been diagnosed as dyslexic. She is not 'behind' at reading somehow (good comprehension) but spelling and maths she's falling behind a bit now.

At home, she is really not up for doing anything resembling school work. These are the asks from school, with my comments -

*25 minutes times tables per week, on an app - she does the time if school ask, but gets lots wrong.
*I think she needs to do some extra timetables practice focusing on one at a time until she can remember them. We try to make it fun, songs on YouTube, playing games, etc
*Reading, school ask minimum x3 per week.
*Dyslexia app (nessy reading and spelling) - advised x3 per week.

My issue is getting her to do anything! She will scream shout cry and point blank refuse, for easily 30 minutes, and at its worst 3hrs. Then she's in no mood to learn.

I've tried bribery of course. Pocket money. Charts. Making it a cosy time. And threats. I won't take her to gymnastics. Etc. Pleading. Explaining. Laying off. She explains she just doesn't want to do things at home.

I don't know which way to go here. On the one hand I sympathise with her. She's worked hard at school. Keeping up requires her extra bandwidth. On the other hand, everything I read about dyslexia says overlearning and repetition are key. I want to help her with the basics before she gets to secondary school.

Going on the current situation, when she gets to secondary there is no way she'll listen to me about school work. If I push her now does that teach her good skills or put her off for life?!

Help!

@UniversalTruth OK, I'll change it to most children hate homework. I've never met a child that enjoys it (even when I was one) but agree that doesn't mean they don't exist. 😀

If my lazy toad worked so hard at school, I wouldn't be pushing her to get her homework done so I think you may have taken something from my post that wasn't meant. I'm pushing because I need her to put more effort in. Like I say, I think they should learn enough in lesson.

Ex primary teacher here and mum of a y4.
My ds also hates any extra learning (that's not of his choosing) but needs help with spellings, handwriting etc.
We do 25 mins in the morning after breakfast and before teeth brushed and shoes on etc. He likes to be at school early for the little play they have before they are taken inside to register. If he kicks off he knows he'll miss some of the morning play so the fuss he makes is much reduced. We've been doing it so long it's become part of his routine so he's never surprised by it.
Children are much more receptive to learning in the morning.

My girls are now mid twenties diagnosed ADHD, along with me, at university. Focus was hard when they were small. We concentrated on times tables and number bonds. Lovely workbooks with tiny squares, I wrote out long lists of sums in boring blue biro starting right at the beginning and they wrote in the answers using glitter/gel/colour pens. Then we decorated the page and marked it together while chatting and snacking. Quick sessions, lots of success but they were only allowed to do one page a day even if they wanted to continue. The sticker/stationary opportunities kept it fresh and fun. They both responded well to 'bet you can't' praise praise praise. As they grew the junior school ran sessions for parents explaining how they would be teaching maths- it was a totally different method to my 70's classes. So we sat down and they showed me how to do it, handing in my homework alongside theirs They were always delighted when I had made a few more mistakes than them.
We read everything they fancied together. Comics Beano Dandy, leaflets, instructions that were too small for me to read, recipes as my hands were mucky. School reading books were read as I was driving, in Tesco's, waiting for dance classes, over breakfast, to the cat while on the swing. They thrived when they shared the task with us chatting about how they would tackle this week's reading journal over tea/with the neighbours, how mad could they go in the presentation. Tea stained paper and laminator to the ready. Junior school age is a golden time, homework needs to slot round family life or it becomes a boring long winded chore and I wasn't prepared to be the nagging enemy. Mine have survived, still speaking, maths got too much for me in Year 7. Enjoy your family time.

My DS was diagnosed with dyslexia around year 4. The format of timestables rockstars didn't work for him either so we bought a game called times tables swats. Actual physical things he can handle means he learns much better than from a computer or workbook. He used Nessy learning over the holidays, I never asked him to do it after school as that was time for extra curricular activities and relaxing. You need to find ways to do the learning that she will enjoy so use board games, building, drawing, colouring etc. Cut down on the screen and workbooks.

We are now in the run up to SATs and are managing 15 to 30mins work most mornings in the holidays because we have slowly worked up to it over the last few years. Our narrative is that because he is dyslexic he needs to work harder to achieve the same as his peers and we will help with that. We give him a choice every morning if he wants to do grammar, maths or comprehension practice. We have given up with spelling as, no matter how hard he tries, it just doesn't go in so better to focus energy where it will make a difference. Our approach to handwriting is that it has to be legible, but no need for joined up writing.

These things are trial and error and it's good you have realised what you are currently doing isn't working.

Remove all the rewards/bribery etc. It's like brushing your teeth, you just need to do it.

Start very, very small and work up to it. For times tables, there are loads of videos and songs that you can stick on in the car. We liked the TT app as you can literally just do 60 seconds, and build up as their resistance lessens.

Once they feel like it's not so bad, and they start to see an improvement, it becomes less of a battle.

Read anything - cereal packets, Dogman, Bunny vs Monkey, the Week, the Phoenix, shopping lists, road signs, instructions for cooking pasta.

A tutor does outsource the battle, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but I prefer to do something short every day rather than one big chunk.