Could DDs foul behaviour at home be linked to the adulation she seems to receive from her teacher?

[sandyballs]

After yet another screaming foot-stamping session after school yesterday, it suddenly occurred to me that there could be a link.

We had parents evening earlier this week and her teacher was so gushing and full of praise for her that it was almost embarrassing. She went on and on about DD being her star pupil and how much she loved her, and how she would like to teach her 7 days a week because DD is so keen and responsive .... I literally couldn't get a word in as she gushed for about 10 minutes.

Now I'm not knocking this, I'm obviously thrilled that her teacher has clicked with her and they get on so well etc, and that DD is progressing. But if DD receives that kind of treatment all day (and it sounds like she does from some gentle probing I've done!), then how can home life possibly compare when she has to fit in with everyone else and she isn't the queen bee. Could this be why her behaviour is so 'challenging' at home because we aren't fawning over her, telling her how great she is all the time or am I barking completely up the wrong tree?

IME (with my DSs and having been a teacher) I think that this is very common. Children that are safe and secure at home may misbehave there but will be as good as gold at school, nursery, other people's house etc.

I have the same problem with DS1.

Apparently we should be pleased because it's better that they misbehave at home and not at school - think how embarrassed you would be if she was really naughty at school and you spent the whole parents' evening saying "But, she's so good at home..."

Thanks Tommy, it would be worse the other way round, you're right. She's so frustrating at the moment, drives me nuts. It's really affecting my relationship with her.

My Dad - I quote him a lot, wise old man (if I agree) says we should take it as a compliment when they play up at home. It means they are secure in the knowledge that we love them no matter how obnoxious they are. Like Tommy says.

On other days Dad drives me mad, criticising my boys' bad behaviour, but we won't go there now

she probably spends all day being teacher's ideal pupil and is so exhausted when she gets home she can't be bothered to keep it up.
My friend has 3 really disobedient kids but they go to THE strictest school in the borough, I was shocked when I heard they get lines for shoe laces undone etc...I think they just go bananas when they come home and the pressure is off.

Perhaps you could ask the teacher to lay off the adulation as it is making your DH a handful at home?
Don't the other kids get a bit peeved if your DD is favoured all the time?

Thanks for replies, you dad is a wise man perpetua. I try and tell myself that she's secure when she's driving me nuts!

Miggsie - not sure what the other kids think really. I did originally assume that she was like this with everyone, just a very gushy type of person, but I'm not so sure now

I agree with Miggsie. How old is your dd? My ds1 is very very good at school, when he was in reception / yr 1,
I could just about see him deflate with the exhaustion of being so well behaved when he walked out of the school door.

Sounds exactly like the problem we are having with DD2 at the moment. How old is your DD?

She is so obnoxious at home we are nearly at our wits end - I even ended up in tears last night.

I missed parents evening two weeks ago as I was ill but ex-h went and said she got a brilliant report!

She is just 7, in year 2.

Mine is also 7 but in Yr 3 - is it the age do you think?? We have a lot going on at home to in the we now have a 10 months old DS and I am 20 weeks pregnant - I keep putting lots down to that but really don't know how to handle her.

Sandyballs, my DS2 who is in Yr 2 and a bit of a teacher's pet (usually) can be a bit like this too and yes, we do think that there is a connection between the two. Fortunately DS2 has DS1 to keep him in his place .

Are you sure she's not copying another child in her class who she sees getting attention for behaving this way?