Frustrated with school dealing with 4 year olds behaviour

[Ella19902]

I am currently struggling to deal with DD1’s school. She started Reception in September & has settled in well. She loves school & doing homework & practicing her phonics. How ever, I was called in to school a few weeks ago as the teacher told me she had concerns about her behaviour & that she is very disruptive in class that she has to remove her a a couple of times a week. Apparently she has tantrums if she doesn’t get chosen for something & is always seeking out attention. She wants to refer her to SENCO for extra support. I was very shocked to hear this. She has always been a sensitive & emotional little girl but very bright & articulate & the behaviour the teacher described is not how she is at home. My childminder who does her wrap around care was also suprised as she has no issues at all with my daughter. I took her to the GP & the GP told me that the behavior is normal at 4 years old & wouldn’t be cause for concern. I told the school my feedback & they got very defensive & are insistent she needs a SEN assessment. I am not happy at all with this & feel there must be something at school upsetting her. My daughter doesn’t say anything has upset me & is happy to go into school each day.
i feel stuck here as I feel that the school are being very harsh… can I refuse this assessment or am I better to just go along with it?

Excellent post.

No child should be left floundering from age 4 to 11. No wonder secondary schools are unhappy. This post also feels like a threat.

The nature of her tantrums sound like an inability to share and be part of a group. I’m assuming she’s not been to a busy nursery. It sounds as if she’s had you and a childminder in a more cosy relationship and isn’t keen on the busier atmosphere.

I too think they are looking at sen very early. It would be a poor school indeed that just looked at sen in YR and then never again! Of course you could ask for deferral until y1. I also totally get that this is upsetting but tantrums are not always sen. What strategies are they using in the classroom to smooth her transition to school? As they are experts in education, I would expect the class teacher to be putting strategies in place without an assessment. Assessment if they don’t work.

My 4yr old had tantrums when her teacher chose games she didn’t want to play or an activity she didn’t Like. This was completely out of character and not something she ever did at nursery.

Also very bright (she’s probably a few years ahead and her teacher is doing extra work with her) praised by her teacher for other behaviour and general ability so yup I believed her, her teacher hadn’t just randomly taken against her, she was genuinely being disruptive.

We had to talk about it everyday before she left for school and how she can manage the disappointment of not getting to choose the games and being considerate of others.

I would take the support if I were you, it could be something or it could be nothing but they’ll at least be able to help you figure out whats going on.

Concerns about my ds were raised in the first term of reception, I was surprised as nothing had been flagged up at preschool and we didn't have any concerns. He is now in y1 and we are in the process of waiting for a neurological assessment. He so obviously has ADHD, it is literally staring you in the face when you watch him in a group of kids. He also has quite a lot of autistic traits.

Like I said, a year and a half ago we had no inkling that he might be ND, which feels ridiculous now as it's so obvious. His teachers saw it, because they know what is normal 4yo behaviour and what isn't. Please listen to their advice and don't refuse the referral, you could be doing your ds a massive disservice if you do.

Putting strategies in place is the SENCO's job. A SENCO is a teacher at the school who is (hopefully) experienced and proficient in supporting children who need strategies that are additional to or different from what the majority of the children need. It's ridiculous to expect every teacher to be able to come up with strategies that might help, without seeking support from colleagues.

The OP has not mentioned a diagnosis or an external referral or assessment. They have written that the teacher wants to "refer her to the SENCO for extra support." This is support from an experienced teacher, who can suggest and help to implement strategies to support.

She clearly does have special educational needs at this time, as she is currently not coping in class quite often. If the SENCO can suggest strategies, then she may be able to cope fantastically. She might then no longer need them when she is in Year 1 and is more ready for the school setting. That would be great. Or she might still need the support, and the Year 1 teacher would know this because the SENCO had already put it in place. And that's too.

Special educational needs means a child needs some support that is additional to or different from most children. It is not a criticism of the child or the parents. It is a way of flagging the support the children need.

Do it.
Your GP has not had as much training or a chance to professionally observe a 4 year old over 6 months and to determine what is or isn't normal, respectfully.

Absolutely! The school staff know what is normal for a 4 year old as they see a range of 4 year olds every day. I was an Early Years teacher for over 30 years and this behaviour does not sound normal to me.