DD scared of angry teacher

[Grockle]

DD is in Year 3. She is being assessed for ASD. Her lovely teacher left at christmas and they have a new one, who seems quite friendly on the door and has been lovely with them when I've helped in class/ on trips. However, there have been lots of issues:

• Frequently banging his hand loudly on the table to get their attention. DD hates this and is really scared. Other parents have reported the same.
• Kicked his desk to get their attention & slammed the laptop shut when he was annoyed
• When I spoke with him on the door about something (DD having access to the toilet when she needs to go) and was firm about it, he returned to the classroom muttering under his breath & DD feels he was swearing
• Telling the class he hates his life
• Lots of toilet humour, making fart noises etc, which I think some of them find funny but I have lost my sense of humour with him atm and think it's unprofessional

I've spoken with school about the slamming/ kicking things & they've said they haven't seen that but will keep an eye on it.

When DD couldn't find a template she needed last week and thought someone might have thrown it out by accident, he told the TA & whole class that SHE had put it in the bin and just left her. Another parent messaged me that evening to ask if DD was ok, because her child said the teacher had been really angry for no reason, and the problem was easy to fix (look in the bin?).

I am a former Y3 teacher, so I know and understand the challenges staff have but DD just doesn't want to go to school any more and says she's scared all the time. I just don't know what to do now. WWYD?

Every thing you said seems inappropriate if it's true. What's stopping you from talking to school?

As you know, a child's perception of 'really angry' may not be the same as yours. However children are so sensitive to brash noises and the jokey type antics you're describing are totally unprofessional IMO and if I saw this at work, I'd speak to the HT. Trouble is it's likely a training issue or supervision issue. It never fails to amaze me how some people get through probation but it's v hard getting supply too. The HT saying she'll keep an eye on it sounds unusual so I'd say they are well aware.

I would keep a close eye on things and support DD a lot at home so that she knows she is most definitely not the cause of his behaviour. I'd explain to her that the teacher has an anger management problem and to try and let his behaviour go over her head. She will encounter teachers like this at Secondary most likely so this could be good practice if you get her through it.

I'd only take the above approach because it's only for a few weeks really. Once you take out the holidays I've quickly calculated 15 weeks of school until the end of the year. If it would be for longer I'd be more concerned.

In year 1 DD had a teacher with an anger management problem and the head made it clear she had no intention of doing anything about it and in fact exhibited bullying behaviour towards another parent who raised it. I moved DD to a different school but was driven to do that as it would have been the same teacher in y2 as well so two years of crap teaching and teacher making the kids anxious and a massively unprofessional headteacher who clearly didn't have a handle on the situation.

Thank you. I have spoken with school. I will do again, it just difficult when they say they don't see this.

Having some perspective of only 15 weeks left helps, but for little ones, that's still a long time. I feel really sad at having to leave her somewhere she is scared every day with someone who intimidates. I want her to learn that she must not accept feeling scared, and that she can always walk away. She shouldn't be learning to accept and tolerate feeling frightened from school.

I don't want to fight with school, I just want her, and the other children, to feel safe.

Telling the class he hates his life. That's not good. Although one of dds old teachers told her what an awful day it was going to be as firstly they had dds class, then later on they had to teach ds’s class which were also horrible.
I suppose you could argue at least they were being honest.

Perhaps if school are ignoring the teachers behavior you contact Ofsted!

@Grockle

if other children are upset too, have they reported the issues? If several children/parents are saying the same thing, they'll have to DO something
'we haven't seen it us no excuse'

Ask for a copy of the complaints procedure-it will involve making a formal complaint first and then escalating to chair of governors.

Other parents are moaning and bit hung behind the scenes but no one is speaking up about these things. Several have said how relieved their children were when their usual teacher was sick. Several were upset when the teacher swiped a child's book on the floor. They don't want to say anything in case they are overreacting and ruin the teachers career. One parent said the teacher shoved their child to get them to move faster.

I am basically a lone voice and they won't do anything other than continue to observe. They have offered to move DD to a new class but she wants to stay with her friend. She finds change very difficult. 😞

To contact Ofsted, I'd need to go through the school's complaints process, which isn't got me far.

I don't want to cause trouble, I just don't want my child to be scared of school.

So you reckon that he swears at children, throws things around, makes false accusations AND assaulted a child - but no parent is going to do anything about it?

Could you approach the teacher directly about his behaviour? List the things that you’ve been told has gone on or been said. Make it clear that some things have come from your DD but others have come from other parents. Ask him to be mindful that he is coming across as intimidating.

The life hating stuff sounds inappropriate but may have just been said as a joke that went over the head of 7-8year olds.

I often argue with parents on these pages who have unrealistic ideas about teachers being separate species of humans who must never do any wrong- however in this case, if these things are really happening on a regular basis, this is unacceptable. I would establish the facts, and then raise this- ideally with him first to give him the chance to explain himself- and then possibly further. Y3 is a hard age to teach as they really are young but the curriculum is moving along at a fast pace, and inexperienced teachers can easily misjudge this, especially if they don't have children of their own.

OP, I would go the governors route. I had a very very similar situation, and the one thing I didn't do was go to the governors, which bi regret, but don't think would have made any difference. Ultimately, we left, followed by about 6 or 7 other kids.

I think the autistic kids are the canary in the coal mine for aggression and bad feeling. Lots of other kids in my DDs class weren't sleeping, went back to their parents' beds, were really unhappy. I didn't find that out fully until after we'd left.

The teacher in question was newly qualified and frankly very much about himself, his own apparently inspiring story etc etc. He was awkward, verging on rude and utterly uninterested in the kids as kids. It was all a weird background to his life story. He left after that one year, but that was no good to DD, who was incredibly traumatised by it. Absolutely destroyed by it and some other school failings.

This is a classic example of behaviours that help autistic kids that actually help ALL kids. My daughter found adult banter and barbed jokes between the TAs and teachers distressing - and I totally get why. Throwing things into the classroom mix that might allude to adult things, that might have pretend aggression, which you can't follow and don't know if you should - it's all destabilising and frankly unprofessional.

So 'jokes' that go above 7/8 year old heads- don't do it. Who is it for? Are they showing off to the TAs about how much they hate the kids? Nah, I don't do that at work, neither should teachers.