Please help!

[Dbrea]

So my little girl is summer born.. late August and she started school September 2 days after her 4th bday. She does have a speech delay but has really really come along and I think she'll be caught up very soon to her class mates.. she has friends and is invited to party's.. my problem is she has bitten 3 times out of pure anger since she started school in September.. Today being the 3rd time.. a boy punched her in the back and she turned around and bit him.. I just don't know what to do. I've told her time and time again not to bite.. she has bitten at home only once since she was born!.. I don't what to say or do.. I just have massive anxiety over her at school now.. like I'm at work and constantly worrying about her and what shes doing. I just feel like a failure and I want to cry 😭😭..any help or can anyone share a similar circumstance.. I have apologised to the kids parents and did the same the 2 times previously but I don't want people thinking she's a bad kid.. I'm on a real downer about it.

It sounds like she's being provoked? Did the boy's parents also apologise to you for the behaviour of their son? Tbh, biting as a reaction is very understandable, if not desirable.

Are you just telling her not to bite or are you problem solving with her (when she's calm) about what to do if someone does something that raises her anger? After discussion, I would try role-playing - maybe first as her as the aggressor and you as the victim (going to tell a teacher, saying "no, I don't like being punched" very loudly, saying "stop it!", etc). Then switch roles and have her practice the responses you just modelled.

Your little girl may be very tired - she's a lot younger than most of the children in her year. I had a daughter born in August and she was able to do mornings only until Christmas, but then had to do a full day. She was exhausted! She sometimes curled up on the floor in the class and tried to sleep. When she was home, she needed quiet time for a while, but could get very grumpy and unkind to her younger brother when she was tired. Don't overdo the social activities just yet - I used to find when people wanted her to go round after school for playdates, they ended in disaster, because she was so tired. Another mother who had a June daughter just said that they would catch up socially in the holidays, as her daughter could get grumpy too. Your daughter will get used to the busy school day in time. Teachers are used to seeing all kinds of behaviour, so do discuss it with them - they won't judge you and will be glad that you are concerned about it.

We had a similar issue- summer born child who was being provoked by older children, and as soon as my child reacted ( didn’t bite but would push) the older children would cry/complain to the children and my child would get punished. We could see from walks to school/ playground trips what the dynamic was like but obviously with 30 kids the teacher couldn’t. My child was used to a busy nursery environment and could tolerate a certain amount of rough play/snatching etc but would eventually react.

Every morning I ask my child “what do you do if some one hits you, calls you a mean names, snatches etc” and they shout back “tell the teacher!” It worked really quickly and they enjoy it now. I put in things like what do you do if a dog takes your sandwich etc which makes them laugh.

might be worth a try?

Please don't feel bad. I very much doubt the parents of the boy who was hitting are losing sleep over their son's actions, nor do I imagine they returned the apology.

Biting sounds horrendous compared to hitting, but both are within the realms of normal for Reception children. Kids unfortunately hit out frequently at that age when provoked, yet as soon as it's a bite people can react over the top. As a teacher I would handle both incidents the same. Biting shouldn't be handled any differently to hitting imo. Both are unacceptable, both incidents would lead to thinking time and an apology to help the children understand these actions are unacceptable, but both are age appropriate reactions which they will grow out of. Neither is worse than the other so please don't feel your daughter's reaction was worse simply because it was a bite.