Overwhelmed child; to move schools or not?!

[Donm999]

Wondering if anyone had had a similar experience…

DD is in a 3 form entry infant school in YR and not loving it. She is super sensitive, and finds busy places overwhelming. The classrooms are quite small and cramped. To be honest, I feel we maybe made a poor decision choosing it but it’s our catchment school and she’d come on loads at preschool!

To add to the worry, school have decided to put her on the SEN register due to emotional outbursts she is having (non-violent, just a lot of crying!) and managed communication around this really poorly (that’s a whole other story!). Am awaiting a meeting next week to discuss.

Obviously not until post meeting, but am seriously considering if she would be happier and less overwhelmed in a smaller school. She can’t spend the next 6-7 years living for the weekend, as she is currently! A shame, as she’s made some lovely friends.

Anyone in a similar situation made the move? Or even decided to stay put and it’s worked out? Maybe with time she’ll feel less overwhelmed…

Op just a reminder, it is unlikely she will ‘get over’ feeling so overwhelmed.

move her if you think it’s best, but know secondary’s are huge, 1000+ students, do you have a plan for then? Cos otherwise it will get much worse at year 7….

I know not an easy option, but if she is unhappy then a move might help, but what about friends, learning styles, how long will it take a new school to learn what she needs/ how she learns best? Does she have an EHCP? Has this got worse? Anything else going on?

how are things at home? Do you see this behaviour? How is she after school? How is her learning?

is there anything that makes you think she has SEN?

Try for a warm small nurturing school. Schools with good SEN provision might be more sensitive and clued up even if she doesn’t have SEN

She has always been easily overwhelmed - but this has improved significantly over the last couple of years. Hence my hope that some of that feeling will reduce in time; the hope would be that by the time secondary rolled round, she would have had time to mature and feel more regulated.

Good points about learning style etc - she does love her teacher! And she has lovely friends too. This is what’s stopping me from just doing it.

No EHCP. To be honest, I’m not convinced she’s SEN at all, and think school have jumped the gun a bit. Definitely quirky and sensitive, with a few sensory bits, and overthinks everything. But very switched on, amazing language and communication skills, good concentration etc. Sometimes quirky is just quirky. And I’ve worked with SEN kiddies for 20 years so am speaking from a decent knowledge base 🙂

Have always seen the behaviour described at home - but to be honest we find her easy to manage. Just needs some empathetic handling…and some firm boundaries as she likes to be ‘in charge’ if she thinks she can get away with it! 🤣After school she is pretty chilled. No learning concerns - been told she’s at or exceeding expectations in every area apart from personal and social.

My instinct is that she’s just finding the busyness overwhelming. It’s what she’s telling us too - too busy, too noisy, too many children.

There is no “right” answer here, it’s all going to be dependent on schools around you. Sometimes bigger schools have more resources (full time SENCo) and space for things like chill out rooms.

My advice is to have the meeting and see what current school can offer.

Investigate other schools.

If you post in the SEN thread you may find you get more help.

I think, even when we are knowledgeable, it’s hard to pick up on what’s just your child and what is SEN.

To us, we know them inside out and can help them regulate and settle so well. It can sometimes make us a little blind, especially when they’re easy etc

I would see how you feel after the meeting, go in with an open mind and let them assess, she won’t be given a diagnosis if she doesn’t meet the criteria. Worst case then you’ve had a few appts to attend for no reason. But if she is, you’ll be able to get her the support she may need - especially for high school

Do you have a school in mind ? And do they have any spaces ?

Does the classroom have chill out spaces/quiet zones? Our reception class has a couple, 1 little library corner with beanbags etc, and a tent area. Ds also gets anxious/overwhelmed sometimes, even after 4 years of full time nursery! If not, might be something to suggest, especially with increasing numbers of ND and sensitive little ones these days.

There are 4 schools that are 1 form
entry or less within a 10-15 minutes drive from here. 1 has a space (DDs friend attends there) but would need to investigate the others. There was also a space at my school until today, but that’s full now and not sure if 2 form entry all
through is any better than where she is. Also not sure how great an idea it is working in same school as my child!

There’s a book corner but that’s it. Think very small, but semi open plan with neighbouring class. Although they have a weird rule where the YR kids have to stay in own classroom or be outside, so no free flow 🤷‍♀️Also no space for tents etc but agree that would be good!

Ours is the same set up with the open plan with the other reception class but no free roam. Larger rooms though it sounds like. If I could move ds then I would - this was our second (and only other viable) choice school, it's bigger and rougher than the one I wanted. Dp thinks it'll be the making of ds, I'm not so sure...

Take a look at the profile of girls on the autistic spectrum. Overwhelm can be a response to sensory difficulties and anxiety. Honestly I didn't know much about this sort of thing till my kids started to really struggle. I thought they'd get over it, thought there was nothing "wrong" ( there still isn't as being autistic isn't worng) but my girl was flying under the radar till she got older and I wish I'd acted sooner. Even if she isn't sen look into it as extra needs won't go away on their own and some of the techniques used to support sen or autistic kids may help anyway.

Do also consider how year 1 is set up. Our 3 form entry school allows free flow in Reception but that stops from year 1 onwards, so the year group size matters less.