"You're not in my gang any more!"

[dinny]

DD been telling me about lunch/play times at school (year 1) - all the girls seem to be in gangs (following the lead of one girl and her minions in the first term) and dd was just saying how annoying she finds it as if you play with anyone outside your gang, you can't play with the gang any more. So dd does her own thing and plays by herself (she says).

she's never upset going or leaving school but I don't feel she's totally as happy as she could be either. is it worth mentioning to teacher at parents' evening this week (the gang thing)? or is it just what happens in playgrounds? what would I say without sounding totally over-protective?? the teachers don't seem to know much of what happens at break (and woman in charge of lunchtime play is TOTALLY unapproachable - really)

fwiw, we only have another academic year at this school from Sept 08

I would mention it to the teacher because regardless of how your dd feels, it isn't a good situation for anyone.

It means that the children don't mix, are stuck with the friends they have (even if they no longer like them, or if they aren't treating them well) and are closing themselves off from the possibility of new friendships.

Not a good idea.

If your dd is genuinely not upset by this then I wouldn't be too upset either. Chances are she plays with other children and just can't be bothered with the pettiness of these other girls. She possibly plays with them on the days that they're not doing the 'our gang' thing quite as much.
Mention it to the teacher, if you want and see if she's noticed what's happening and what she thinks about it.
If she is upset then I'd definitely bring it to the teacher's attention.

yes, that is what my instinct is, Potoftea

dd really seems to have just decided she can't be bothered with it and gone off and done her thing alone

any ideas how I could approach it with teacher (who is really nice)?

Juuule, she is a very independent little girl, with a v strong sense of justice.

I don't think she is upset by it, but also I wouldn't put it past her to not be "allowed" in these gangs and this is her sort of self-preserving take on it all.

If you want to speak to the teacher about it then I would just ask her if you could have a word and when would be convenient. At our school they would invite me in there and then. Tell her your concerns and see what she has to say.
Do you think your dd is really alone at break? Doesn't she join in with anyone other than this group of girls? I would be telling my dd that it's better to play with someone else if these girls are going to be so silly. I'd would keep an eye on the situation, too, just to make sure that dd wasn't becoming upset by it.

thanks, Juuule, it is actually parents' evening on Wed, so may well broach it then

god, always some bloody worry, isn't there?

That's true.
Hope things are sorted out on Wednesday

thanks, Juuule

I just find the whole thing so wearing really, I suppose because I feel she isn't as happy and carefree as she could be.

any other thoughts (am I taking it all too seriously?)

any advice what I say to the teacher tomorrow that will mean something is done about the gang situ?

This happened in Reception to DD. It was one girl who started it all and she actually left in Yr 1. She would say who could and couldn't play and the rest of the class just accepted it. It's a hierachy thing imho. Dd has lots of friends as I suggested it was best . She is now in Yr 2 and there is none of this. Don't know if it's because the gang leader left or if they just developed some sense. BTW dd and this girl still see each other out of school and she has changed {smile]. I would mention it matter of factly to the teacher. Dd's Yr 1 teacher said there were alot of strong personalities in her class which I took to mean dd was coping OK.

yes, it started with one girl saying it and now there are two of them who say who can/can't play

will mention it tomorrow, see what she says....not sure what she could do to address it, just speak to the class as a whole maybe...

Teacher did speak to the class afaik about including everyone at playtime. I remember quite a few mums were annoyed but it does seem a pretty common thing that goes on in infants. I'm sure your dd's teacher has come across it and will have a strategy talk already in mind. Good luck

told teacher (na na na na na! ) and she is going to speak to the class and have a word with scary lunchtime supervisor woman.