Reception bullying

[Eachpeachpears]

My son is 5 and in reception.
Today a child in year 1 has taken his glasses from his face and put them down a drain. The school called me just after lunchtime to let me know this had happened. DS was obviously very upset but teacher said he was ok after getting his glasses back.
When I picked him up he was distraught at his "bad day".
This is not the first time this has happened. The same thing minus the drain happened in term 1. I emailed the head who assured me the child had been dealt with. Today's incident is a different child.
DS has repeatedly said he hates school, he is scared of being hurt at school. On the first day of this term he was sent home after 20 minutes in school because he had been sick. He told me his tummy had felt funny because he was worried the boys would hurt him at lunch time. After this is spoke to the head teacher who told me my son was not being being bullied and I shouldn't believe everything he tells me... Which was an issue in itself. I chose not to contact the governors, but told the head I wanted some extra support for DS to know where he can go or to who he can talk to when incidents happen or when he is scared. The head declined and said he was not being bullied and he wouldn't believe ds until ds told him himself... DS is 5.

After today's incident I've emailed the head essentially saying "I told you so" in more polite terms and asking for a meeting which is scheduled for after half term. His email response was so shit and dismissive I don't hold out much hope.

Is there realistically anything I can do? They dont seem to be following their own bullying policy and I don't know what I can do to stop this happening again.
I'm heartbroken for ds because he is so upset and clearly feels unsafe.
I've even considered home schooling.
What do I do? Has anyone been through similar?

Go to the governors and MP regarding the head teacher and his horrendous behaviour.

Are there any better schools in your area?

@IHateLegDay unfortunately not one with spaces. This was our second choice school which we got because we were just out of catchment area for our first choice. I'm tempted to get him on the waiting lists for them. There is a space in his old school (where he went to preschool) but that is 6 miles away

Honestly I would just take him out of that school. A headteacher with such a slovenly and unprofessional attitude will utterly poison the culture, you'll have years of fruitless battles and a miserable child. Either HE or find a different school.

Your poor DS. That was heartbreaking to read and it’s awful that the headteacher is being so dismissive. I would ask the headteacher to send you a copy of the school’s policy on dealing with bullying (even if it’s already accessible on the website, the point being you want to make clear that you’ll be checking that they’re actually following their own policy). If the meeting after half term isn’t helpful then I would definitely contact the school governors.

Are there other schools locally that are likely to have places? The fact that the school has more than one FIVE year old that takes a child’s glasses and stuffs them down the drain…I hate to sound judgemental of such young kids but honestly they are not children I’d want my child to be around.

First of all I totally understand your anger and concern. However, I do agree with the school here based on what you've said. Bullying is:-
Several
Times
On
Purpose

(STOP)

It definitely sounds like they need greater supervision at playtime if there have been a few incidents which have clearly upset and concerned your son. But if it's incidents with different children it is not classed as bullying (despite many parents putting this idea into their child's head that they're being bullied after one off incidents).

Are you satisfied with how each individual reported incident was dealt with? That's the important part here for me, how school have handled these isolated incidents involving different children. You can't hold it against them that they're not taking "bullying" seriously because what you describe is not bullying.

Have you spoken to the school about accessing support to help you son learn how to stand up for himself and handle his worries? That would be far more helpful for him than planting a seed age 5 that he's being bullied. He's got 14 years of schooling to get through. He is definitely going to need to develop some strategies to help him deal with conflict.

I am in no way excusing today's incident, which sounds incredibly upsetting for your son and is definitely not acceptable behaviour, but I do think you need to approach this differently in looking at how to help him long term, rather than throwing around accusations of bullying.

I think I agree with @BoleynMemories13

The school needs to support your DC and address bad behaviour when it happens, but these appear to be isolated incidents and not 'bullying' as such.

@BoleynMemories13 that's really helpful thank you, that gives me a good angle to go into the meeting with. I think you've put into words exactly what I couldn't.
I agree these are separate incidents so it's important to differentiate between the two. Support for how to deal with things is what I'm after, I want to equip him rather than back home if you see what I mean ( obviously I'll always be on his corner!). But that's a really helpful way to approach it, thank you

I'm so pleased you took my reply the way it was intended and understand this isn't necessarily bullying. However, it's still a very serious incident and should be taken seriously.

The funny tummy is a sign your boy is becoming anxious about the playground environment and, bullying or not, school need to be aware that he is struggling with this in order to look out for him and support him.

I really hope they are able to offer you more support with this. I would definitely approach it like that with them, that you want their help, rather than creating a potentially difficult relationship going forward by focusing on the B word.

Good luck

This is absolutely correct. Horrid for your child, but not bullying. The approach that BolynMemories13 has described is the right one. You’ll want to be reassured that your child is being supported with friendships, and that poor behaviour in the class is being addressed. There may be children with SEN involved in these incidents which can be hard to address.

IHateLegDay · Today 17:36

Go to the governors and MP regarding the head teacher and his horrendous behaviour.

Don’t do this! Totally unnecessary and will not help the situation. Work with the school first, and if you then feel unhappy with their response, you may want to look at the complaints procedure.

Look at the policies on the school website, especially the safeguarding, bullying and complaints policies. Then you can go to the meeting with the information about what they say they’re doing.

Don't complain until you’ve had a meeting and seen what the response is. There's no point in going to the governors unless and until you’ve followed the school procedures and no point at all in going to your MP.

It might be an idea to see if you can get on waiting lists for other schools, if you don’t feel that this school is supportive.

@Eachpeachpears One thing that leaps out at me is why YR are not separated from older dc. They are still early years curriculum. In many schools now, they have a separate outside play area.

Secondly, the school should make it absolutely clear where very young DC find a midday play supervisor. Are these people leading play? Can he be told how to find one and how he might join in with organised play after lunch? Having his time organised might be better for him at the moment. I would speak to his teacher.

Also the head can speak to older classes about being kind to younger children and most will take this seriously. No school would want this behaviour towards young children so they do need to step up and improve how your DS feels about school.

The other strategy is to always stay with friends. I know that’s hard but other dc will be witnesses to any poor behaviour. Often a class teacher will set this up. Certainly play supervisors should help. Your head has given you the brush off so try the class teacher. Also read all the behaviour policies. Know what they say they do to promote good behaviour and expect it to be followed.