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Primary education

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Original poster

DD has no friends

11 replies

cocolepew · 20/03/2008 15:48

My DD is 10 and all of a sudden her 'friends' have turned on her. She had 2 good friends, she is a bit 'geeky' but good fun, maybe a bit immature. One girl on thre fringes of the group set her sights on dd best friend and now she has nobody as this girl discourages others from playing with dd. My dd and this girl were friends a couple of years ago, but I think she found her too full on. She was always phoning and asking dd too go to her house,play what she wanted etc. My dh and I had a problem with the other girls lying, but didn't say anything to dd. The other girl seems to want to have 1 friend for herself but after a few months moves on to someone else.I've been to the school a couple of times to complain that dd was being bullied by these girls, saying she was smelly, breaking her pencils, scribbling on her work etc. The head spoke to them and then they were all over dd for a few days. The point I'm trying to get to is I've told dd to stay away from them and not to try to be their friend. But now is has nobody to play with in the playground. It's hard for her to go and join others who have been frinds for years. Are the school obliged in any way to make sure she isn't alone at lunch etc? Does it fall under pastrol care. Sorry this is a ramble, but we have had an awful few weeks. It's breaking my heart that she's so sad.

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chopchopbusybusy · 20/03/2008 15:55

I certainly think it would be good to have a word with DDs teacher. They're not under any obligation as such, but I'm sure they don't like to see the children upset. What the other girl is doing sounds to me like bullying - although she may be genuinely unaware of the effect it is having on your DD.

Are there any other girls DD would like to be friends with that she could invite round for tea?

ChocolateRockingHorse · 20/03/2008 15:57

Most primary school playgrounds these days have a "friendship corner" or "buddy bench" where children who are feeling a bit down or have noone to play with go and sit and the others are encouraged to go be with them/invite them to join in. Does DD's school do this? If not, perhaps you could suggest it.

They usually have a special assembly on the subject or something similar.

Original poster
cocolepew · 20/03/2008 16:04

One of the schools in our town has a buddy bench, but not dds. At the risk of slagging of another child, I would say the girl definately knows what she's doing. I had the misfortune to speak to her mum who spent 20 mins telling me how awful my dd is . She said the my dd was a bully who pushed and screamed so much at her dd she had to "dig her fingernails into the palm of her hands, as this was preferable to the noise"WTF?! My dd has speech and language problems including being softly spoken because her tongue is too tight. She also is 2 heads smaller than the rest of her year due to a medical condition.

OP posts:
Original poster
cocolepew · 20/03/2008 16:04

One of the schools in our town has a buddy bench, but not dds. At the risk of slagging of another child, I would say the girl definately knows what she's doing. I had the misfortune to speak to her mum who spent 20 mins telling me how awful my dd is . She said the my dd was a bully who pushed and screamed so much at her dd she had to "dig her fingernails into the palm of her hands, as this was preferable to the noise"WTF?! My dd has speech and language problems including being softly spoken because her tongue is too tight. She also is 2 heads smaller than the rest of her year due to a medical condition.

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3littlefrogs · 20/03/2008 16:09

This is bullying, pure and simple, and needs to be dealt with as such, using the school's antibullying policy.

Speaking to bullies once is not effective. It needs a proper strategy involving all staff and you are entitled to be informed at all stages.

you can get some useful information and support from Kidscape.

2 of my children were bullied and in one school it was dealt with properly and sorted out, in the other it was dealt with very badly by a uesless head. I feel very strongly about this sort of behaviour. It should be taken seriously.

and for your dd

Miggsie · 20/03/2008 16:09

...sounds like a poisonous female...do you know if any other children have been on the recieving end of her spite?
Defintiely a nasty strategy from this child as she has also been spewing venom into ears of her mother, is she living in a fantasy world? Perhaps teachers should be made aware here?

Original poster
cocolepew · 20/03/2008 16:21

She's seems very spoilt, I can see my dds faults, but the (seemingly endless) ones this mother was coming out with aren't my dds but hers. She said my dd was disruptive in class and was always in time out. Now, I know this isn't true as I do actually speak to her teachers! The other girl had been in time out twice that week. I think my dd has mild Aspergers, so she is very honest and literal, she presumed that she had done something wrong as she couldn't understand that some people can just be nasty.The teacher is a sub and was leaving at Easter but now is staying until the end of June.She separarted the tables so they were all sitting in rows.They were doing the second Kidscape session this week about bullying,dd said the teacher was looking at these girls all the time!! My dd also has stopped going to her church friday night club because this other girl started to go, surprise, surprise, and she laughed at dd because her new clothes came from Asda .

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ajandjjmum · 20/03/2008 16:21

It is very tough to deal with, especially when the other child's mother can't see that her daughter isn't perfect. I've been there, and it's so hard to deal with. It does come and go though. Dd is now 14, but I always say that she should have lots of friend, not just one 'best friend', because you get on with different people for different things as you get older.

Heated · 20/03/2008 16:27

Poor dd. Speak to the teacher or the head about your concerns re dd's happiness as they should be able to keep a watchful eye and possible promote friendships.

Does your dd have any particular interests or hobbies? Is she arty, likes books, sporty etc? I'd be inclinde to go to some out of school clubs with different children that share her enthusiasms and broaden her social network.

Original poster
cocolepew · 20/03/2008 16:27

She told her own teacher, on playground duty on monday, that she felt lonely and she made the other girls play with her, but they just ignored her and walked around arm in arm, laughing at dd. I told her to say she doesn't want to play with them, if it happens again, because they make her unhappy.

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whirly · 20/03/2008 20:09

poor thing - it sounds horrid.
Girls friendships can be so changeable and cliquey and unkind.
But Miggsy, the girl that is being unkind is also just a little girl who is'nt being very well taught by the adults around he about how to manage herself and her relationships. She may be acting in a very mean way, but it's not surprising if that's the way her mother behaves.
Also, children with very assertive personalities can find it difficult to adapt the way the act so as not to intimidate / over-control much quieter children.
It sounds like the school need to work with the whole class / at least all the girls on being sensitive to others, etc.

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