Need a pep talk - moving in year 1

[totallycluelessmama]

Hi everyone!
Looking for a peptalk and advice, I have a bright, confident, friendly, outgoing, bubbly, five-year-old in year one in a great school great community, and she has dozens and dozens of friends. There aren’t much secondary options in our area and I am now thinking of moving area and eventually having to move her out of year one into another school.. I’m very afraid that my little girl will struggle in someway with the move and have to make friends all over again. (I realize these are my own worries and I’m projecting But I also really love where we live, everyone knows each other. All the parents are lovely with each other’s kids. There is no competition. Everyone just genuinely looks out for each other and I’m really worried that I will miss that if we move) I guess I’m just really looking for success stories on children moving, being resilient and getting on with it and any tips on how to make it smoother. Any kind words for me would be great too, as I’m overthinking every single day! The bigger goal is having better secondary school options!

TIA ❤️

Are you dead set on moving? You still have a few more years until you need to if you are only moving for the secondary school... And in that time you might find out more about the secondary options where you are currently and they might not seem so terrible. Sounds like you really like where you live and this is a strong community?

On the other hand, a bright, friendly and outgoing child sounds like they'll give any move a good shot. Plus highly unlikely that they will really remember the move in a few years.

Edited to add - my nephew moved multiple times over his primary school years and he was so resilient and always enjoyed school.

We're in a similar boat! We're moving across the country later this year (only in our case, we have a fab secondary here and the primary is amazing, too) so I'm really worried about DS losing all his friends and his amazing supportive teacher who has been helping him with his SEN and going into the unknown. And also about whether we'll get a place at a decent primary school in Y1 when all the places were given out in reception, and presumably there are waiting lists now.

I keep telling myself that moving at this age will be better than moving when he's older because at least they'll have lots of opportunity to make new friends, adapt to a new environment, get some new favourite places, and the friendships won't be set in stone the way they are when they get older.

Sorry I don't have much advice, but lots of support!

Where do kids go from current school (for secondary)? What are other parents planning to do at 11+?

I'd move at 11+ to be honest, your DC wont be the only one moving to a school outside the area if theyre as bad as you say they are.

Moving at Junior at 7+ is a natural moving point also.

If your DC is thriving, there's certainly no rush to do this now.

Thanks everyone for your replies and kind words!

Most parents end up sending their kids to private schools at 11+ or they move out of the area but I then worry that if we move closer to then, she won’t know anyone in the area?

I really do love living where we live, it’s the community that’s strong and whilst the rent is rising, we can afford to stay longer.

What’s the best time to move for secondary?

@isthisit100 she is certainly thriving and so are we!

Agree you might want to wait it out for a few years but for what it’s worth we moved at the end of year 1 for a much better school and for us to be in a city. DC was v happy where they were and had a best best friend so I worried a lot and felt guilty but knew that the move would only get harder with each year that passed and it didn’t matter
to much that the original school was a bit rubbish while the DC were young but it would have had more of an impact as they got older. Anyway- 18 months on and we all couldn’t be happier. They love love the new school and were v settled v quickly. We still see the best friend probably once every school holiday for a play date/sleepover/day out somewhere which I think helps.

We moved across London when DC were in years 1 and 4. We were living in a 2 bed flat through covid lockdowns so we're desperate to move into a house asap so it was a no-brainer.

We ended up moving just before Christmas so they did a term in old school and then the rest of the year in new school.

For what it's worth they both settled in brilliantly. The older one found it easier in some ways as his old school has high turnover of kids so a lot of close friends had left.

The younger one found the move very unsettling as a whole anyway and was nervous about then size of the house compared to a flat (not used to upstairs and downstairs!) And having his own room etc. He'd also had a very disrupted start to school due to stopping preschool in March 2020 and never going back then starting school in sept. Then lockdown in Jan. Back to school for a term. Then summer then a term at old school then move house - so not ideal.
BUT he did make loads of friends really quickly and is really really happy in his school.

I think if you're going to do it, do it sooner rather than later. Friendship groups are more developed as they get older and it's hard to leave them behind. And making some friends before heading off to secondary is good. Plus the logistics of secondary school admissions mean you'd have to move before year 6 so then there's potential they only do a year in new primary before moving which feels more disruptive to me.

I just moved my year 2 daughter, I realised I'd made a huge mistake with the whole thing and she was destined to go to a sink school. Her old primary was gorgeous, it's at the end of our road and was a real community, I was on the PTA, it was a really great school. She now goes on a bus to her new school, I don't feel part of the community and I'm struggling....however she is thriving! Like your daughter she is bright, outgoing and confident. She already has loads of new friends and has adapted beautifully.

You have to have your eye on the long term, for us it was worth the transition to not spend the next few years panicking about high school.

Honestly, I'm not sure I'd move away from somewhere I loved just for a (currently) good secondary school. We moved when eldest was in Y4 because we wanted to move and loved the new area (and it was a great decision, we're really happy with it), but the secondary school here (there's really only one) was at the time Ofsted outstanding and now is requiring improvement. A lot can change in a few years and a 'great' secondary may not be so great in 5-6 years time. On the contrary, a not so great one often does get a big influx of money and support for improvement. We are still very happy we made the move, we have a great primary school here and a lovely community and life, but I wouldn't have moved just for a secondary school, because it's so uncertain.

As for the move, it will be fine at any point, but I'd do it before Y6. Ours were in Y4 and in preschool when we moved. It was no big deal at all. Y4 one had new 'best friends' within a week and it was like we'd always lived here. Younger one went from one preschool to a new preschool to starting reception all in 6 months and also adjusted just fine. Kids are pretty resilient.