How to help your child at primary school

[GoodStuffAnnie]

Inspired by another thread about a month ago I thought I would brain dump down everything I know and think about how to make your child academically high achieving at primary school.

I am a primary teacher, mum of three, I’ve taught in several year groups and I have a masters in primary education from UCL. Not blowing my own trumpet – I am just qualified.

Also, I have thought about this A LOT. I grew up working class, we were on benefits and for me, education has been the route up (I know!). I think about what got me up and what could get others up. Whether we like it, or not most good jobs and high paying professions are middle class. Working class people are sociologically excluded.

As I am now an expert I feel I am able to prioritize the things that will have the biggest impact. So here goes.

1. Oracy / speaking- speak to your child as much as possible; get them to speak to you. If they form a sentence or word incorrectly, correct them. Get them to repeat word’s and sentences several times. It is through our speaking that we learn to write and we organize our thinking and understanding.

1. Reading – read high quality texts to your child. There are lots of lists, but my favourite is bookfortopics / books by age. When you are reading model your thinking and don’t always ask your child questions. Eg – I’ve noticed that’s the second time the author has highlighted Bobby feeling sad, I think there’s a problem that’s going to come up for Bobby. I think the sky darkening in the east is hinting the journey is going to be dangerous.

There are lower order skills (retrieval - find facts) and higher order skills (implication – show not tell (when you see someone in a t-shirt you know it’s summer for eg ) and predicting) with reading. Do a range. Children obviously find the higher order skills more challenging.

Don’t worry about always reading high quality texts (let them read Rainbow Magic and Beast Quest - they are good for repeated vocabulary), but you must read them sometimes and get them to read them independently when a bit older.

Reading needs to be every day (you to them, them to you or independently or all).

1. Maths – If they are strong at arithmetic (plain number and calculations (add, subtract, divide, times etc)), they will be good at problem solving. The SAT’s at the end of Y6 are weighted heavily towards problem solving (two thirds). (Caveat – I disagree with SAT’s are not important idea – you should tell your child that every test is important. It feels good to do well in a test. The only bad thing about them is the high stakes nature.) Back to maths…

Focus on arithmetic, depending on the year group, this is number. In early years that’s counting, adding on 1, taking off 1 etc. Each year group builds on the previous one. By Y2 they are adding / subtracting 2 digit numbers, add on one digit per year group. By Y6 it’s 6 digits. Give your children either verbal or written calculations to solve. Discuss with them how they did it. (Eg – 23 plus 42 – I added the 20 and 40 together and then the 3 and 2; eg 12 times 6 – I did 6 times 10 and then 6 times 2, then added.) Again, model it to them.

Of course do problem solving, (but make sure your child’s arithmetic is very strong.) (Eg – we are driving to Manchester – it’s 12 miles away. On the way home we have to go to Grandma’s which is 7 miles further on from Manchester – how many miles will we drive to Grandma’s house? Age adjusted.) I do all my maths when in the car or walking.

1. Trust your child’s teacher. Thank them. 99.9% of teachers are brilliant. Teach your child that if the teacher says jump – they say how high. This will be better for your child overall. (Obviously occasional exceptions). It’s a trust game – either you trust the school – so trust them and back them or move your child.

1. Extra-curricular activities – do as many as you afford / can do without putting strain on family. I am fairly strict and don’t do too many. BUT make sure you have good teachers and coaches. How can you tell? Ask your child – they will be great at assessing and also is your child making progress? Many sports clubs have parents as coaches – this can be fine, but can be bad too. It also depends what you want, be honest with yourself, if your child is not great at football, but loves it, find an inclusive and warm team. Make sure you are getting what you want and don’t be afraid to move. It’s a big effort for families!

1. Everything else – take your children to places – anywhere – small, big, free museums, beach, shopping. After this follow their interests. If they get onto cooking, cook, if they get into collecting shells, do things with shells, if they get into animals, go to more animal places, but above all TALK TO THEM. In the supermarket ‘oh look buy one get one free -if I buy two how much will each one cost, what colour is this courgette – say courgette, how many carrots do we have?

1. Normal parenting stuff – specifically praise. Learning is hard. When you learn to read your brain actually creates new connections (people who cannot read when having an MRI have different / less connections). Praise. Praise. I noticed the way you joined that w to that l was perfect.

Educational theory and vocabulary (ignore this bit if you want) –

Maths learning – children learn in this order – using concrete apparatus (blocks etc), then using pictures, then in abstract (2 plus 2). If they don’t understand something go back a level.

Bar model / partitioning – We use pictures (after concrete) for everything in maths. These are methods we use (look up vids on youtube if you want to know more).

Modelling – an example. ‘An adjective is a describing word – A red scarf – this is the model – A red scarf.

Be active – let’s clap why we count; Lets jump up and down why we spell chapter.

Lower and higher order cognition (thinking) – Some learning skills are lower than others (remembering, repeating) and some are higher (evaluate, compare). Create is the highest. If you can create something - you are a master. See Blooms taxonomy for more details.

Linking – We learn deeply when we link ideas to other ideas. Eg – I could not teach you imaginary numbers (degree maths), without taking you through the 100 steps before.

Pitch – You are very powerfully placed to help your child. Your child’s teacher has 30 children. Some will be working 2 years above the year group, some possibly 3 or 4 years below. Find out exactly where your child is and keep building from there. (Eg – they can add two digit, plus one digit, under 30, then build.

Sociology – The unwritten rules of life. We, as humans, want to surround ourselves with people that dress like us, speak like us, know what refectory means, have the same lamp as us. To get access to places we need the same cultural capital as the people that have the power in that place. If we want to access the darts we need our cultural capital to match that environment (how to order a pint, what is a double 20), to access Oxford we need to know what La Cross is and what prep means. WILD GENERALISATIONS!

To summarize – you speak clearly, talk to them, get them to speak clearly and precisely, read great books and discuss them, ask them maths questions (add / subtract / divide / times) and take them to places and talk there too.

(If anyone wants me to write an 0 – 5 age one I can).

Thank you so much. My son has just started reception and this is very helpful.

So helpful - thank. Have a pre-schooler as well as a primary age child so would love to see a similar post for 0-5.

Really helpful! Thank you

This is perfect timing - we have a maths-obsessed 4.5 year old and he's doing very basic maths at school which I totally understand because they have to teach at a certain level but they still seem to be counting to 20 and 1+1=2 so I've been wondering how best to support him at home. We already do some of this but it's great to have some other ideas.

Thank you. This is very useful, I have a 4 year old who is very astute, a nearly 3 year old (who is struggling with his speech and understanding), a 13 month old. The 0-5 help would be great too.

I work full time and try my best to help them all with their learning. Any pointers to try and fit in the reading every day. By bedtime by 4 year old is tired but we read a book before he goes to sleep. Trying to find time to fit it all in is hard.

I'd add in board games to that list. Counting, turn taking, learning to lose, calculation, problem solving, strategy ...

We also made a discovery one holiday, when our holiday cottage had a trivial pursuit type game. DD loved being the question master. She was a fluent reader at that point, and she hated us interrupting the story to ask if she knew what a word meant. Trivia questions, though, had plenty of more adult words where she actually had to apply her phonics knowledge, and she wanted to know the exact meanings of the words to understand the question.

I agree with everything you say OP, with the caveat that it sounds rather intense. Reading and maths are important, but you also need to let them find their own motivation - if you are always there driving things you can get in the way of that.

I also think as parents we are well placed to fill the gaps left by the school system. For example, giving kids responsibility, teaching them manual skills etc. For example, my 5 year old can light the fire at home. My 7 year old can mow the lawn. They would never be allowed a responsibility like that at school.

OP I’ve just been poring the primary education board for some general school starter stuff (my 4yo is starting in September and I can’t wait) and found this thread, it’s fabulous, thank you for taking the time to write it.

Can I ask about correcting? Our nursery has posters on the wall that advise modelling correct speech but not correcting your child; you say otherwise. Is that something you can say more about?

I did laugh when I googled La Cross Oxford after reading your last few paragraphs, thinking it must be a college or something related to its religious history that my non-university-educated self wasn’t aware of, and realised you (I think) meant lacrosse 🤣

Hi please can you do a 0-5 one!!
thank you

Hi op great post although I did smile when you called yourself an expert😊 I would add to anyone reading this that doing the above will make a massive difference but to bear in mind that all children are different and some naturally have more academic ability than others.

I have tied myself in knots over my daughters writing at times and I think as parents who care (and you do if you’re researching things like this) that you can put too much pressure on yourself on them if they don’t respond how you think. So yes do all of the above but accept that they may not be the highest achievers but doing the best they are capable of doing.

@GoodStuffAnnie thank you, this is brilliant and we are out the other side of this, my youngest is now 18 but we did a lot of those things in primary. The other thing we did was pause tv shows or movies and ask the children questions about what was happening or commented on it ourselves. We still do it now, pause and speculate or comment or rewind to watch an omg moment.

Academically my children have thrived and we know it is a combination of teachers, us, and feeding our children's curiosity about the world around them or force feeding them information about the world around them. Not all children ask questions.

Ds2's handwriting has been appalling since primary but it can be read so we stopped worrying about that. He is off to uni this September where he will finally be allowed to use a laptop, his typing speed is phenomenal.

A lovely list. Any pointer for the 8 plus age range?

I thought praising achieving was nolonger considered good but Dr Dweck research I thought praising effort was considered to be more important. What’s your opinion on this?

I’m also a primary teacher, with masters in education etc etc.
Whilst I absolutely agree with what you have said, particularly regarding reading and explaining how teaching maths works.

I would say that apart from reading everyday and discussing that reading the rest of that is really overkill for very small children.

What would be extremely good for your children is to teach them how to lose and to understand sometimes things don’t go their way. Huge amounts of learning time are lost due to sorting issues after play time because children can’t cope with having lost a game or a football decision hasn’t gone their way.

I think I would add that it matters far more that you schedule regular time on the above far more than worrying how much time or trying to cover everything.

Several years ago (when mine were in around Year 1/3) I bought a handful of books from Exam Ninja to work on their maths and literacy. We decided that a Tuesday night was best, working after dinner from around 6.30 until 7.30. At first I faced quite a backlash but now they both look forward to it. The reward is just to watch a couple of episodes of the Simpsons with me afterwards.

In all honesty it's become a really nice weekly routine that we all look forward to and if (for whatever reason) we can't do it then the kids are genuinely upset!

Needless to say, they're both exceeding expectations in all subjects. Little and often works wonders.

I'm adding more information as an experienced education bod.

Learning is much more than a list of ‘do’s’ and a glossary of terms.

Attitudes to learning are vital if children are to learn. These are developed through good quality play in the early years and play continues as children develop.

The Early Years Characteristics of Effective Learning are a great start. These characteristics apply whether you are 3 or 103. They make the biggest difference to learning.

Think about trying to learn without them, having little interest, not engaged, no perseverance, little willingness to have a go, to try, to fail, to try again. No independence or creativity. Absolutely vital.

https://birthto5matters.org.uk/overview-characteristics-of-effective-learning-and-areas-of-learning-and-development/

I am so glad this was helpful.

@mynameiscalypso This is great to hear. Your aim at this stage is to get him doing two digit plus or subtract two digit numbers in his head. Some numbers are easier that others - we call this bridging 10. Eg - 12 plus 13 is easier than 12 plus 19, because we are not making another 10. If these two skills are good then this would be exceeding at the end of Y2. This is your foundation. Then move onwards and upwards. Multiply, division, fractions.

@Mamma1982 Read to them while they eat, while they are in the bath. Use audible when they are eating / going to bed. I used to give mine extra baths when little because bath time was an activity. Them reading to you - do at breakfast, in the car, it doesn't have to be the whole book and crucially, they don't have to do all the reading. You could read alternate words, sentences, pages. Do double reading on Sat and Sun.

@lanthanum Thanks for the ideas. I would encourage reading or road signs, reading in supermarkets etc. Learning does not have to formal (in a classroom, at a desk). Informal learning (small snippets, at the swimming pool, in the car) is more effective with young children.

@Peeony Yes, yes, yes, mowing the lawn we wouldn't allow at school! I absolutely agree this shouldn't be intense and it is not hot-housing. However, I'm also not an advocate for the theory 'let them get there in their own time'. It is miserable being at school every day and feeling like everyone gets it and you don't. This is small and often, child led. Small talk, has a big impact.

Thank you - very interesting reading! I have a 6yo and 3yo so very helpful. Do you have any ideas for 8+? My DD is very stubborn. I worry I see such typical 'girl traits' in her. Ie I can't do it and I don't want to fail so I won't try!

Can I please add in vocabulary?! The size of a child’s vocabulary is directly linked to academic success. Reading is the best way to increase their vocabulary, but it is vital to foster an interest in words. Use many different words, use interesting and obscure words, play with language using rhyme, alliteration, jokes and puns. Draw attention to interesting words and explain what words mean. Highlight parts of word that carry meaning (e.g. the baby looks very unhappy, that means not happy). Play word games with them on walks and car journeys. Encourage them to recognise when they don’t understand a word and to ask for a meaning, but then ask them what they think it might mean based on context and grammatical clues. Stuff them as full of words as you can!

They are not typical girl traits but learning characteristics in all of us. See my post above.

Have a look a ‘growth mindset’ too. You are describing an attitude to learning which can be changed.

Adding by edit - or ‘ divergent thinking’ ( Ken Robinson). Some info here including ideas to develop divergent thinking through conversation. makeamarkstudios.com/fostering-divergent-thinking-skills-in-your-art-class/

Lots of growth mindset research out there including Carol Dweck for you to read

Growth Mindset explained to kids. https://www.bbc.co.uk/teach/class-clips-video/articles/zkph92p

Wow! What an amazing piece!

Bless you for doing all of this.

Would love to see a 0-5 list.

Thanks so much for anyone adding to this. (I will do a 0-5 one)

@tinyshoulders ha ha yes I did mean lacrosse (the net game). Betraying my roots or my lazy spelling! Sorry to confuse you. I don't know what the research says on correcting. This is my view. If you don't correct, then the mistake becomes embedded, which is then very hard to shift. Although this is unlikely, if you are a good speaker, I am a corrector. Not to the point that it annoys them obviously, but I see no harm in pointing out the correct way to say a word. Obviously, context is always king, with a child with lower self-esteem or who doesn't speak much, for example I would correct less / not at all.

@1AngelicFruitCake Yes. Doing all this will give your child the highest opportunity at educational excellence, this does not guarantee this. We are all different and not all children can get A* at maths. As you discovered, with the best will in the world, somethings just are. This is not about pressure or intensity, it is basically, talking to your child about their environment to stimulate their development, at it's heart.

@Snacksgalore Yes praising effort is very valuable. I praise both (outcomes too). I am specific. And I (try to) do it loads. I think the top thing is outweigh the praise to criticism 10 to 1? Most people don't do enough.

'Wow. What a lot of writing. I remember a month ago you wrote 3 sentences and today you wrote 5.'

'I love that you always answer so many questions.'

'I notice (my favourite) that you are now putting your y's below the line.'

'I notice you picked up your pen before I asked.'

@Snacksgalore Over 8 - Not that much different. You can be more formal in your learning. You could go through maths papers for eg. Just continue to pitch at their level. Really good high quality texts. You can broaden their world and enjoy learning together as they become more sophisticated. If you are a history lover, go to Hampton Court etc. Do puzzles together.

@CraftyOtter Yes - emotional literacy. I should have included it. This can be so tricky for some children. Be patient. Model good behaviour. Use others that are further along in their learning to model ideal behaviour. I would probably say that emotional literacy is one thing that can't be 'forced', but that they will all get there at some point. No one goes on their first date and get's upset that their dates pudding is brought first and they have to wait do they. Yes, let them loose, but again, at their pitch. If they can tolerate one loss to three wins then that's where they are at. Also, yes, yes, yes. All the self-care things should be done as soon as possible at home. Buttons, pulling trousers up. Let them fail and take ages. My daughter always liked wrapping presents from reception. I let her, they were dreadful, no one cares. Let them be slow and imperfect - they are learning. And praise them.

@paularan Yes - It's so easy to get overwhelmed with having to do all the above. Please don't feel this. Little and often. One minute / 30 seconds is great. And scheduling is great. You normally get opposition the first two times and then it just becomes 'what we do.' 'Oh it's Thursday, maths club. Then we always have a pizza.'

@MarisCapri Thank you. It is curiosity that underpins great attitudes. By stimulating them through their environment, we can contribute to this curiosity. It is in the links and overlaps between topics / areas that deep learning can be achieved. And model feeling excited to learn.

@PrincessesRUs It sounds like she is finding it hard. I would just pitch below where she is, give her slightly less / do less than you want her to and praise her. Don't stress. If you want her to read X book, but she wants to read the Rainbow Magics let her. If she doesn't want to read, she has to read for 6 minutes a day (she can choose the chair / where she reads). Giver her a timer so she has a sense of control. Make her a little books (paper / staples) and get her to list the RM books she has read. Print off some rainbows / draw them and get her to write one fact. Praise the book and show her teacher / Grandma. Let her over hear you on the phone telling Uncle about her RM reading and book.'You wouldn't believe Sarah's book. She did a lovely drawing in it yesterday. We'd love to show you.' Pretend you don't know she can hear. Leave the RM books and her book out on the table. Call her early for dinner. Leave the pages open. Ultimately, let he FEEL success.