Page 2 | Teacher ignoring crying student.

Bobblesxmas20 · 2024-01-12T21:17:56+00:00

Lunch time, Dd crying. Friend asked her if she wanted the teacher to know. My DD said yes. This friend goes over and tells the teacher who in my DD words, "looked and watched her crying" across the playground and didn't bother going over to see her. What would you make of this, mention to DD teacher or not?

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PaperDoIIs · 12/01/2024 22:33

@Bobblesxmas20 I would mention it to her teacher in a "she's anxious and getting upset during the school day" kind of way. Ask them to keep an eye on her, ask if there are any issues, ask what you can do to help, of she can have a buddy at playtimes etc. It's good to have everyone
Involved and aware to try and navigate this in case it becomes a more serious problem.

Is it crappy that your daughter got ignored? Yes it is, no matter what , it just is. However, with the best will in the world sometimes we do drop balls. All the training in the world, promises, resolutions to be and do better, and we still drop the balls. It sucks for you as a parent, and tbh it sucks for us as staff too because we feel awful when we drop that ball.

How is your DD now?Is she ok?

PaperDoIIs · 12/01/2024 22:34

WonderLife · 12/01/2024 21:59

Quite typical for staff not to get involved with other children coming to tell them that so-and-so is crying/feels sick/pushed someone but wait to see if the child in question actually asks for help themselves. Otherwise they'd spend the whole break trying to work out who said what to who and who actually needs something. There's often one or two kids who love going to the teacher and involving themselves in the action.

If a child is actually upset or needs something, they usually go and find an adult themselves.

Do you work with children?

BettyBakesCakes · 12/01/2024 22:39

WonderLife · 12/01/2024 21:59

Quite typical for staff not to get involved with other children coming to tell them that so-and-so is crying/feels sick/pushed someone but wait to see if the child in question actually asks for help themselves. Otherwise they'd spend the whole break trying to work out who said what to who and who actually needs something. There's often one or two kids who love going to the teacher and involving themselves in the action.

If a child is actually upset or needs something, they usually go and find an adult themselves.

Not where I work.

Many children cannot ask for help either, due to Sen/communication difficulties. I find it most strange anyone thinks it's acceptable to ignore a crying child.

MrsSucculent · 12/01/2024 22:58

It was likely not a teacher. Also this child probably cries a lot. With frequent criers sometimes there’s not a lot more you can say. They just need to have a few tears to regulate. Tears won’t hurt a child. It sounds harsh but lunch staff can’t deal with every little thing. They may be busy watching children with greater needs. The child had a friend with them, they weren’t hurt, and they were safe. The staff made a judgement call.
its ok to feel big emotions, they do pass.

teudent · 12/01/2024 23:05

MrsSucculent · 12/01/2024 22:58

It was likely not a teacher. Also this child probably cries a lot. With frequent criers sometimes there’s not a lot more you can say. They just need to have a few tears to regulate. Tears won’t hurt a child. It sounds harsh but lunch staff can’t deal with every little thing. They may be busy watching children with greater needs. The child had a friend with them, they weren’t hurt, and they were safe. The staff made a judgement call.
its ok to feel big emotions, they do pass.

Frequent criers are crying for a reason.

Tears may not hurt but the reason for them can.

Big emotions and turn into much bigger ones if ignored.

You seem to have a concerning lack of empathy.

PaperDoIIs · 12/01/2024 23:16

MrsSucculent · 12/01/2024 22:58

It was likely not a teacher. Also this child probably cries a lot. With frequent criers sometimes there’s not a lot more you can say. They just need to have a few tears to regulate. Tears won’t hurt a child. It sounds harsh but lunch staff can’t deal with every little thing. They may be busy watching children with greater needs. The child had a friend with them, they weren’t hurt, and they were safe. The staff made a judgement call.
its ok to feel big emotions, they do pass.

The child had been pushed over. How do you or lunch staff know she wasn't hurt?

While tears might not hurt, the reasons for the tears might. Not to mention that ignoring her won't help her anxiety. She won't think "oh miss was bandaging a leg, tying two shoelaces and splitting up a fight." She'll think "I got pushed,I cried and no one came or cared".

"Meh.. they'll get over it" is a very risky attitude to have from many points of view. Not to mention, it makes life harder for the staff who do get involved and help because they end up having struggling children that come solely to them.

FluffyFanny · 12/01/2024 23:24

A crying child wouldn't be ignored in my school, unless they were a child that is frequently crying every lunchtime and it's been decided that the best policy is to ignore in order to not reinforce the behaviour.

Just because the child feels the adult didn't respond to her doesn't mean they didn't. Some children are not satisfied unless a huge fuss is made of them and a quick 'are you ok, what's wrong,' is not what they perceive as enough attention.

doublexegg · 12/01/2024 23:45

Due to having an opinion on another thread i dont want to say the 4 words as its not liked very much on MN.
But i do hope your little one is ok and maybe the teachers have seen her crying before and thought best to ignore it this time.
But you could go in and have a word to put your mind at rest.

Crazycrazylady · 13/01/2024 11:43

Think it would depend. Some kids cry a lot for attention mainly so it's not always a good idea to encourage that in the school yard. My nephew went through a stage where he cried a lot in school ( separation anxiety) and definitely his teacher just started ignoring it a lot of the time .
It's not always so clear cut.

Tamuchly · 03/05/2024 04:20

It is horrible to feel your child has been upset and wasn’t looked after but it is only one side of the story. I know you said you isn’t one to go and see an adult herself but she will need to learn to if she requires help. The adult may have asked her friend to send her over, her friend might have said she was crying but ok, the adult may have been dealing with a more serious issue and was not able to go to her…there are lots of potential reasons. The adult might just have run out of time before she could get to your child so asked the teacher or TA to follow up?

I would ask school if they could keep an eye out for a couple of days to make sure she’s ok and reassure you.

Greenfinch7 · 03/05/2024 04:31

My daughter was a TA and did a lot of lunchtime supervision. She would never ignore a crying child who was an anxious person.

I agree with this post, above:
'While tears might not hurt, the reasons for the tears might. Not to mention that ignoring her won't help her anxiety. She won't think "oh miss was bandaging a leg, tying two shoelaces and splitting up a fight." She'll think "I got pushed,I cried and no one came or cared".

"Meh.. they'll get over it" is a very risky attitude to have from many points of view. Not to mention, it makes life harder for the staff who do get involved and help because they end up having struggling children that come solely to them.'

I also think that if a school has decided to ignore a child who cries all the time in order to not reinforce the behaviour, it would be a good idea to explain this to the child and maybe to the parent too.

PennyApril54 · 07/01/2025 00:09

Teacher may have been aware of the issues and supporting your daughter to learn to self regulate rather than sweep in and take over. I suppose she probably felt your daughter knew where staff were to ask for help if needed.

pikkumyy77 · 07/01/2025 00:13

WonderLife · 12/01/2024 21:59

Quite typical for staff not to get involved with other children coming to tell them that so-and-so is crying/feels sick/pushed someone but wait to see if the child in question actually asks for help themselves. Otherwise they'd spend the whole break trying to work out who said what to who and who actually needs something. There's often one or two kids who love going to the teacher and involving themselves in the action.

If a child is actually upset or needs something, they usually go and find an adult themselves.

Thats ridiculous! Staff certainly are not wise to take that approach. Children report all the time “so and so fell down” because they see and observe things staff miss. Ive never seen a playground where the adults don’t take notice of children’s reports.

Fourcandleforkhandle · 07/01/2025 01:23

I work as a Welfare Assistant aka Lunchtime Assistant and honestly I stand there sometimes thinking to myself I'm like a Security Guard lol. Anything other than Children playing along nicely would get me over to the Children asap. That's what I'm getting paid for and the staff member being told should have gone over and checked your Child was ok.
It doesn't matter if the class Teacher knew about or if your Daughter was doing it for attention etc. It would have only taken a couple of seconds.

NosinaBook · 07/01/2025 09:58

I think the most important thing is to learn your child how to advocate for herself, children are not well supervised in school, the ratios just don't allow for children to be properly monitored. They need to learn how seek help and stick up for themselves. Help her find her voice.

SnoopysHoose · 07/01/2025 10:30

Bear in mind this account is from a young child, she seems focused on not getting attention because she was crying. I'd be trying to bolster her confidence and encourage her to try and play and not stand about.
Don't make a big deal of this.

spanieleyes · 07/01/2025 19:46

Hopefully she has stopped crying by now!