Sing teacher told DD because she looks unhappy what is the point of sing!

[Hither1000]

DD is 11 year at Year 6, loves singing . she goes a music school on Sat to learn singing , she has beautiful voice , but she is not good at expressing herself. She had a new singing teacher from Sep 23. when we went back to singing lesson when school starts in Jan, in the first lesson on Sat the singing teacher said to her :" why you look so unhappy all the time, you distress me , if you are not happy what is the point of sing ! " DD was so upset , she did not say much in the lesson, but she told me when I picked her up and told me what happened, she also said that she will not go to this teacher's lesson. I understand it might be tricky to deal with a unhappy child, but Are the teacher allow to say that to a 11 year old girl? I feel uncomfortable when DD told me about what the teacher said. we paid the music school a block of lessons already, and even if we request the change of teacher I am not sure if they will insist that we have to give certain period of notice, if this is the case it means we are wasting our money and pay the teacher for nothing, as DD is not willing to go and I do not want her to go in case the teacher say something embarrassing her again. Could anyone give me some advice what to do please

Of course the teacher shouldn't have said that in that way, especially if it was in front of the whole class. However, I can see why she might have politely said something to you; after all, no one wants to see a grumpy singer perform, do they? So, I don't think she was necessarily out of line mentioning it but did it in the wrong way. Something along these lines would have been more appropriate: 'I've noticed that X doesn't seem happy during the sessions. We aim
for our session to be fun and want all of our singers to be happy and have a good time with us. If there's anything I can do to help x feel more confident/happy on stage, do let me know.'

Since that hasn't happened and DD is feeling as though she can't go back to the teacher, I'd explain to the company why this is. It'd be a reasonable to request a move and doubt you'd incur any charges given that the teacher was out of line.

I assume these are 1:1 lessons rather than group lessons?

It sounds like a bit of a personality clash between the teacher and your daughter: you have said that your daughter is not good at expressing herself, and if the teacher is quite extrovert she might have been trying to ‘jolly her along’ a bit, which unfortunately upset your daughter.

It can take a while for teacher and pupil to get to know each other. Can you contact the person in charge of the music school, not to make a complaint but just to let them know that this teacher upset your daughter and to ask if they can have a word with the teacher and ask her to be extra gentle in the next lesson?

This is also an opportunity for your daughter to work on her resilience and communication skills. She could have responded to the teacher’s comment at the time, explaining that she’s a bit shy as it’s their first lesson together but she does love singing. She should go to her next lesson and show the teacher that she does love singing and wants to engage.

There will be some students at music schools that are only there because their parents are pushing them, and it must be very demoralising for teachers having to teach reluctant pupils, especially if there is a waiting list of enthusiastic students. This teacher may have got the impression from your daughter’s demeanour that she didn’t want to be there. Your daughter needs to show her that this first impression was incorrect.

Singing is performance, and so it's normal for there to be coaching/feedback on facial expression and posture as well as voice. The context of the feedback does matter a bit, but yeah, looking obviously grumpy as you sing is not going to be something an attentive singing teacher is going to ignore.

Like PP I think you'd be better off helping your DD respond to this feedback constructively than going all Wrath of God on the teacher. If she wants to sing in future this kind of feedback is not going to go away.

I don’t think the teacher has said anything particularly wrong. Surely, the teacher is right.

Also, you are not setting your DD up for the future if you just let her stop doing stuff every time she gets feedback she doesn't like.

If you're going to sing, you're going to have to be able to take constructive feedback from a singing teacher and make changes. It's a life skill.

Thank you for your message, She kept quiet when the teacher said that. I think that is the reason she does not want to go back anymore, she probably felt torture. It is the first time we have had this situation, she had been that music school for over 3 years and we never had a problem with other teachers, so I was surprised when this happened. DD said , she loves her music school and friends , but just doesn't like that particular teacher!

Technically what the teacher said is not wrong, but the way she speaks to a child of that age is not appropriate, it is like asking a toddler who just learned how to walk, why you can't run! She gets paid to teach and it is an expensive one-to-one lesson. She should expect students with all kinds of levels unless she specifically advertises what she only takes highly trained and matured advanced students

I am not one of those parents who will force my kids to do something she doesn't like. I am not going to stop the lesson but I am thinking of changing the teacher, as I think the character fits are important.

I had one if those serious faces as a kid.

If DD can bring herself to go back, if the teacher says anything again, advise your DD to simply reply "I'm not miserable...I just have a serious face"