Erm, heated conversation with the head ...

[marmadukescarlet]

Just had a not entirely positive conversation with the Headmistress of my DD's very posh prep school.

DD (yr 3, aged 8) has mild Dyspraxia and I went to great expense (school only refer to private OTs/ Ed Psch etc) to get report done.

On Frid DD came home with a demerit for not finishing history in lesson and not remembering to write it in prep book, not remembering to complete work. (History teach has threatened dm before, her report of my dd reads as if different child from anyone else - 'does not contribute to class discussions' etc. No because she is scared of you, you blardy witch)

Further to conversation with SENCO none of the recommendations made by the OT have been taken on in class environment, history teacher not aware of DDs ishoos.

This ended in a conversation where HM made (thinly) veiled crit of my parenting, assured me all recommendations were being taken up but could not tell me what they were.

It all got pretty heated and unpleasant in the end. DD doesn't want to move school, DH doesn't want DD to move school. I don't ever want to speak to the blardy HM again. ever.

ds in same boat . We are also assured by SENCO that all his teachers know but reality is some are better at working with him than others. Many will feel it is an excuse, don't grasp the problems it may cause or overlook it during the course of a lesson. I'm afraid that is just the way of things and it is unlikely you'll change individuals.

I understand your anger and frustration however the fact she was prompted to write it down, whether she did or not, is probably more tolerance than she would give most but the demerit is a rather severe. Does your dd have an IEP ?

A friend is in the process of tackling this with her DS - less teachers involved as Y1, but the OT has said she will go into class and point out if/where her recommendations are not being implemented - friend was nerving herself, about to go into battle, as she knows they haven't implemented most of them, but the OT said "that's what you pay me for"

Since you are paying for private OT, could you get them to do the same, maybe?

Been there, done there, dd's head was totally unsupportive, managed to turn every meeting into criticism of our parenting, tried his hardest to get social services involved (because she had been off school with a recognised medical condition!) and even trotted out the immortal remark: 'yes, we understand dd is ill, but you can't expect us to be happy about it'(!). He made it quite clear that he wanted us to go elsewhere for dd's education.

But we felt we couldn't withdraw, mainly because dd was happy there, she liked the other kids and most of the teachers.

We had some tough times and would probably have ended up suing the school over non-delivery of curriculum if head had not suddenly retired due to medical reasons.

So the upshot is, dd is still there and the school has totally changed. And dh and I have learnt a lot about communicating and holding our own.

Thanks all.

Yes stealth I think a visit from the OT is in order, but I am furious that it is such a fight.

All they keep on about is DD becoming more independent, ye gods shes 8 cannot tell the time, left from right, ride a bike, remember to go to the loo/brush teeth/wash face (serious sequencing problems) and they expect her to remember to get from one room to another (up and down loads of stairs) with all the correct books, pens etc. then punish her if she gets it wrong? Although they don't see a demerit as a punishment

LIZS DD has no IEP, the school is struggling to accept that she has 'difficulties' as she has a whopping great verbal IQ (cannot test actual due to dyspraxia?) they generally shun all children with SEN. Have already removed my Ds from the nursery school there as he has very serious (rare genetic disorder) developmental delay and the head of lower school was not at all helpful.

Cory my DH works away most of the time, so it is a little hard to have a 'united front' did have one meeting with him on confence on my mobile when he was in Singapore but it was not very helpful!

I think I get upest as I feel I am letting her down, homelife with DS (and DH away) is hard enough as it is ..

DD has you fighting for her. Your OP said she didn't want to move (and TBH for a dyspraxic child moving would be hell). You are taking on the nightmare history teacher and HM on her behalf. You are not letting her down.

Just remember that you are paying the OT, not the school, therefore he/she bloody well should be on your side and doing some of the fighting for you - just make sure they "happen" to visit during a history lesson.

Do you want to name and shame - if it is a prep school associated with a senior school I might be able to get info/leverage from a friend who is a head...

You may already be doing this but has anyone suggested colour coding dd timetable and belongings.

You could use the simple zip lock A4 bags with the various coloured tops. Each matches a subject and in each is pen, pencil, ruler and whatever specialist lesson items needed. It means more to buy and more to carry but can help take some of the transition stress away from your dd.

Hi Marmaduke
for you.... but you stick to your guns. nobody knows better than you what your dcs need
Do you want to have a coffee and a rant next week?

Yes pleeeese! What day are you free? How's the AP situ?

tibni, that is a really good idea! Transitions are a nightmare for her, she already has a clear pencil case but if I make up ziplock bags for every lesson she has out of her form room with everything she needs...genius! (she still has to remember her prep book as well, but babysteps!)

stealth thanks, but only pre and prep. I agree that moving her would be dreadful, she would feel that she is being punished for not doing 'it' right.

Thanks to all for the support a little about the self-pity, I think it is just the sheer frustration of the situation. I am not really such a sop, but life is very stressful at the moment.

Tues or Wed? I'll email you x

Marmaduke,I felt the same about moving ds2 ,however in year 5 it became obvious that he was struggling (dyscalculia and dysparaxia but reading and spelling well above age)particularly with just keeping up with the pace of life in his independent but very caring prep,the transitions from room to room,rem,embering which games kit etc and so we moved him to a specialist prep.

How i wish I had done it earlier ,I was so wrong about him feeling that he had failed ,the school has done wonders for his confidence ,his shoulders are back and academically he has made huge strides and I have realised how much he was excluded from what was going on in class in the last couple of years simply because he was having to concentrate so much on the organisational side of things and also his speed of writing problems etc (although he did have an alpha smart...not at new specialist school though and his handwriting is now neater than my 14 year olds!)Apparently this often happens between years 4 and 5 because suddenly there is little time in the curriculum to constantly practice basics and the speed and complexity of the curriculum (especially in the independent sector) hots up.

Yes we have had the why can't I go to school with the otherss questions but on the whole he has made such strides and is learning that these problems are not things to be hidden and that they do not make him a lessor person but that they will always be with him and that he has to develop strategies to deal with them.The school focuses on enabling them to go back to mainstream (mostly independent education).
they deal with not only their academic needs but also on organisation,sequencing and even how to ask a question in class so that you get the answer you need .

I am not saying move your daughter but just don't rule it out,I wish i had been able to see the positives earlier and not just focused on unsettling him or the negatives of a move.

I don't know where you are based ,we are in suffolk and ds2 is also at school in suffolk but boards 4 nights a week (very hard but he has really settled now and his class have just elected him as their rep on school council,would never have happended at old school just becasue he would never have been considered a contender and would probably have forgotton to go to the meetings ,here there is no shame in having regular reminders )but i know there are some similar schools elsewhere.

Just wanted to say please CAT me if you want to talk in the meantime remember the heads feelings are not your concern your DD is.!