DD and reading

[TooManyPlatesInMotion]

Am after a bit of advice and ideas as to how I can support my DD 4 (Reception). She is really struggling to make any progress with phonics and getting frustrated and cross with reading. I read to her every day – just stories we have at home, and she enjoys those. However, the weekly reading book from school is not something she either wants to do or can do. Plus the school sends home QR codes with phonics videos for the children to watch, and she hates them, tough if I spread them out she will get through them with bribes.

She can’t read anything other than her name and was crying last night because her friends keep moving up a group and she doesn’t.

I can't see that she has made any progress since starting.

How can I help? I have a lot of guilt around it as I simply don’t have the time to do what many other parents seem to do as routine . . . So many of her peers could seemingly read on starting Reception. I have two other children and a job and it’s just me. I feel like I am letting her down!

Any ideas welcome.

I think it’s normal for some reception children to be finding blending hard at this point. Is she young for the year (ie only just 4)? Has the teacher raised concerns?

I have found teach your monster to read (free) and reading eggs (paid) apps good for teaching phonics and my daughter likes them.

Some kids aren’t ready to read at 4 - mine were not, but by y2 have caught up with peers who were reading at the start of reception. Just like some kids walk at 10 months and others at 18 months (or later) - it is a developmental stage thing and I don’t think there is much you can do to push them along before they are ready. It is a major bugbear for me how early the reading process ramps up in the UK - it created a lot of unnecessary stress, and I think can long term turn kids off of reading. There’s loads of data supporting later / slower intro of reading, and the uk is an extreme outlier vs other countries.

for me and my dc it was more important to foster a long term love of reading. When reading time (something they have always loved) became a source of tears and frustration l decided to back way off. I ignored the school books for most of reception or would only ask them to read a page or two at a time. Instead I tried to slip in bits of phonics at unexpected time - asked them to help me figure out a random word on a cereal box or in a book we were reading together, used refrigerator magnets to leave secret messages, etc. The whole time I continued reading a variety of interesting and beautiful books to them, talked about the stories, listened to audiobooks, and generally made sure they had lots of positive associations with reading.

once they seemed like they were a bit more ready (one dc started to show interest in later part of reception but the other didn’t really click with reading until early y1), here are some things that worked in terms of support:

• Continue reading through weekends and holidays (summer holiday in particular can see lots of learning loss).
• Nessy was really helpful for my dc who struggled more with phonics and blending
• experiment with different times of day - one dc is better reading in the evening, while the other reads to me before school
• let them pick out books that they are interested in
• once she has a bit of a grasp, look at books that are not specifically phonics readers to build confidence and excitement around reading - don’t let the pigeon and elephant and Piggie series were our favourite first reads

and to your point about finding time - little and often is best. Mine typically only spend 5-10 mins reading to me, but we do it daily. If it is becoming a massive stressful time consuming endeavour, something needs to change. Either you need to scale down the ask, or switch up the environment- for a while mine would rad to me in the car before going into school, for example, because that was a nice time limited (and otherwise quite boring) mini pocket in the day.

Brilliant advice from @Labraradabrador

My DD was a slow starter but now aged nearly 7 is reading fluently and loves it (and wasn't really keen until age 6)

Her best friend was reading before reception and now is reading so well (far beyond her comprehension) and hates it.

So I agree - try and foster enjoyment!

@Labraradabrador thank you so much for this advice, this is a great perspective. She loves me reading to her at the moment, so I think I will just continue with that, and we have plenty of books at home to choose from.
@modgepodge she's not v young (middle of the year). Thanks for the recommendations.

Some of the brightest dc I’ve met didn’t have huge input from parents regarding reading. They just deciphered it themselves! Before yr. So it’s a case of waiting for the process to click. It’s also not true all dc catch up. Or they would all get identical sats results. However it’s early days and I would try different books. One book a week isn’t much from school. We used to go to the library and change books regularly. We had lots of poetry books with rhymes and sounds. I just found words dc could say as we went along and stopped for them to join in. So it’s less pressure and a bit more fun.

Is there part of phonics that she is struggling with more e.g. remembering letter sounds, blending?

Agree little and often is the way forwards.

I bought the full set of alphblocks dvds when ds was in nursery. They’re absolutely great, ds and dd both got loads out of them and they would sing along/say the words. It’s easy to do and it doesn’t feel like extra ‘work’. I’d really recommend them. You might be able to download the programmes for free, but if you buy the discs you can watch them in the correct order and build up the skills. There is also an alphblocks shop where you can buy workbooks etc.

Phonics family on Facebook / Instagram is great for ideas for little games. But I don't think you need to worry about this yet. Don't push it too much or you'll put her off, just continue reading to her and keep it enjoyable. It's schools job to teach, and yours to support.

Please try not to push the reading too hard. I know it's difficult when school are putting some pressure on to do a certain type of reading at home. What you are doing, in terms of reading to her regularly is exactly what she needs right now. I've lived in a country where kids don't even start reading until 6 or even 7, and by the time they leave primary school at 11, they are fluent readers who actually enjoy a much wider variety of books than I see being sent home with my own child who is late primary. I don't think the UK education system does a great job of instilling a love of reading in children, far too much of it is focused on government set targets rather than taking into account the child's needs.

My DD was a slow starter. Then we spent some years aboard and that really helped take the pressure off. It was no longer seen as a chore or homework that she didn't want to do and it helped her progress quickly. There was no levelled reading books as such, kids picked books that interested them and they had no idea what 'level' their friends were at.

@sheflieswithherownwings You might not be old enough to remember, but we had huge numbers of children with poor reading skills before the NC was introduced and targets for dc reading is no bad thing. Trying to catch up when dc are ks2, or worse, cannot access the secondary curriculum, is just so difficult and impossible for many. Dc can take some time but of course they cannot all teach the same outcomes. It’s important that as many as possible can read well and problems are spotted early. Years ago they weren’t. In the past we struggled with this and it held us back.

Not all dc will have a love of reading. We aren’t all the same. Some prefer sport and maths for example. Being good enough is good enough but this wasn’t happening in the past. It was optional for schools to reach high standards.

I see why they introduced targets to improve standards but I think it’s gone too far the other way. I honestly think children are being put off reading in schools in the UK as so much of what they are expected to read from an early age is just drudge eg biff chip and kipper. So in a different learning environment more kids would likely be reading for pleasure and curiosity rather than because it’s something they are being essentially forced to do from age 4.

@sheflieswithherownwings Yes school books following phonics are fairly boring. However parents can supplement them with all sorts of reading material. When my DD was in YR they were allowed to choose a book a week from the school library. Any book. She brought home the Samuel Pepys diary of the Great Fire of London. She could read some bits as it was a Ladybird version (she was 4 August birthday) but she learnt a lot about London and the great fire. Plus we didn’t have rigid phonics back then so she learnt other words visually. We got loads of books from the public library. She read what she could. I read the rest to her. It keeps the breadth of books much wider than school books via a reading scheme.

I can see why phonics was backed for some dc but it does seem boring for others. Our school didn’t stick rigidly to scheme books either. DD brought home non fiction books about all sorts of things. I remember one about helicopters. I think skilled teachers are the most important thing but parents can branch out with books and should. Poetry books for dc are wonderful. You can also discuss books. The pictures, the sentiments, feelings etc. It’s all learning.

So you could try and get hold of the Songbird series of books by Julia Donaldson. It helped unlock everything with my daughter as it follows the phonics programme religiously so doesn’t throw in words that children can’t decode yet.

Also phonics flash cards could come in handy - try and match them to whatever phonics scheme the school is using.

And keep reading with her. This is key. My daughter loved Winnie the Witch in reception so we kept reading those and by the end of the academic year, she could read them herself. My DD couldn’t read at all when she started in reception by the way.

Don’t worry!

Children can memorize books if they hear them enough. I also think you can use word recognition if dc doesn’t get on with phonics. Some dc can recognise words and it helps them feel they are making progress. Far more fun than phonics in reading books.

Thanks for all the responses! I am trying to keep it relaxed and just focus on reading lovely and engaging books to her, and encouraging her to read the odd word if she wants to.
@Wafflesandcrepes I had totally forgotten about the Songbird series, that's a good idea. They're a bit nicer some of the really early and formulaic phonics books. And I have just ordered some flash cards that we can hopefully make into a fun game . . .
@RafaistheKingofClay the bit she seems to struggle most with is remembering the sounds. If she can remember the sounds then she has no problem blending.

Songbirds are lovely.

We had to teach my son to read by stealth. He just wouldn't read to us. (He was diagnosed with autism much later, he's very demand avoidant and more or less selectively mute.) We took the pressure off by reading to him, even his reading books, then gradually getting him to read the first word on a page, or just the word "a" or the main character's name whenever it appeared, or doing the pointy finger while we said ALL the words, or shouting "full stop" when there was one. Pointy finger running all the time, his or ours. Made mistakes on really easy words, let him correct us.

I say it was teaching by stealth because he thought he was winning, getting us to do 99% of "his" reading for him. But actually he was practising reading all the time. Any of the tasks above required him to scan the words as we said them - really properly follow them. If all you can do is get her to point at the words as you say them, she will be absorbing lots even if she is not speaking the word herself. This was our experience anyway. I don't know about other children.

Totally agree with PPs, 4 year olds are so little. The National Curriculum used to allow more that not all 4 year olds are ready. Some don't really click until Y2, but they are just as bright and can still end up top of the class at A Levels and Uni.

Thanks @Piony , that's really helpful advice and a great approach.