Am I being over sensitive?

[MKAW222]

Today, my 10 year old son and his friend had to miss the end of their PE lesson because they had kicked a rugby ball after being asked not to. They were sent to another teacher. Another child asked why they had been sent there and the teacher, in front of them, said, "Some people don't have brains". My son suffers from anxiety and low self esteem and is receiving counselling through CAMHS. He is awaiting diagnosis of ASD. This has really upset and humiliated him. Should I let it go or make a complaint? I am so sad for him.

That's awful. I'd complain

It’s inappropriate - complain away. It’s not how you talk to or about children.

The teacher is saying 'they don't think before acting'
You have no reason to moan

The teacher didn't say that though. It's a disgusting way to talk about children to other children and I would be complaining.

I read this differently. It sounds to me like the teacher is talking about the teacher doing the sending. As in, I've no idea why your teacher didn't just deal with it her/him self.
Obviously also inappropriate but It seems more like frustration towards the other teacher not dealing with it.

Try being a teacher controlling 30 children, some who can’t think before they act and who deliberately do what they’ve been told not to.

then you’d not complain. No wonder teachers are leaving.

I also read it as a comment about the teacher. If in doubt, I'd tell your child it was likely to be this rather than him, no need to raise with the school. This should stop your child feeling worried/upset by it. Couple it with saying that everyone makes mistakes and teacher that sent him to another teacher may have been tired and overreacted. Teachers feel tired, frustrated too etc.

If your kid did as he was told, this would not have happened.That is what you need to focus on.

I completely realise he should have done as he ass told. That part is not in doubt. What is, is that an adult should take such a passive aggressive approach in doing with it.

Hahaha. I am a teacher and have been for 20 years. I would never take such an unpleasant approach in behaviour management. Yes, my child cannot think before he acts, like many others of his age, particularly those on the autistic spectrum. This, in my opinion, is not the right way to deal with it. I was asking what other parents would do

This is not something to complain about. It’s probably a bit old school phrasing but it’s really not that bad. Your child, needs to build some resilience because he will hear far worse in the world. I say this as a parent of a ND child who is always taking things literally and being upset by what others say.

How would you have responded to the child's question?

I would have said that they were there because their teacher had asked me to talk to them about a choice they had made. Or I may have taken the opportunity to allow the two boys who had been sent to me to explain to their friend what had happened. This would have given them the opportunity to reflect. I certainly would not have said anything unkind about them to another child.

But that wouldnt be true would it.They were sent there as a punishment for being naughty.

Dont you think making them tell the other kids themselves what they had fine would have been even more humiliating

its a turn of phrase which basically meant they didn’t think before they acted.
you are being over sensitive. That doesn’t warrant a complaint.

Yes, you are being over sensitive. Neurodiverse children can still do foolish things, and still need to develop resilience. Trying to screen a child from criticism doesn't help them in the long run. What the teacher said wasn't egregious or cruel, it was just a bit brusque.

(I am an autistic adult.)

Can't believe people think this is OK. Really surprising

Thank you for understanding. I completely agree. Having discussed with several teacher friends, I will definitely be having a conversation about positive approaches to behaviour management, empathy and the promotion of self esteem and positive mental health. This seemingly minor comment could potentially have quite a negative impact on the amazing work CAMHS have been doing with him.
I have 3 older children who are resilient, confident and able to self-regulate. Unfortunately, for various reasons, my youngest is struggling but we are getting there.

This. Mumsnet seems to be full of indignant parents whose children have broken rules or acted inappropriately railing against the school for having the audacity to actually acknowledge their child has done wrong.
Op as a teacher do you never tell a child off? Would you be happy with parents scrutinising every aspect of your day?

You're going to go into another school and tell them how to operate? Why not pull your dc from their school and enroll in yours?

Are you going to have a conversation with your child about behaviour?

I already have. This part is sorted.

I am simply going to provide them with some very useful information leaflets from CAMHS and I am going to give them the details of the fantastic charity who came and did some inset sessions on mental health in schools. It really was very beneficial and has a proven positive impact on behaviour in general, attitudes to learning and wellbeing. In what way can this be a bad thing?

The behaviour was not acceptable and that has been made clear and has also been dealt with. However, neither is such a negative, passive-aggressive approach to behaviour management. I work in partnership with parents and so, yes, I would be totally happy for them to approach me if they felt there was a more effective way for me to deal with a situation.