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What would you think?

7 replies

ROSEgarden · 12/03/2008 20:40

im a Cm and recently a LO left as their parents were taking a while off work to spend with their childbefore they went to full time school.

The child ill call bill had quite a few learning issues, had , had a very unsettled life so far, not much stability or settled anywere.
Bill was with me for two years almost and through that time i had no end of concerns, every one of which was poo pooed by parents, then bill started nursey and the very first day the teacher pulled me to one side and asked if i had noticed x, y and z..i said yes and teacher said they would keep a close eye on it.
So...bill left late last year to 'spend more time with parents', bill goes to same school as my child and every now and again i se bill and he runs straight into my arms and giggles, but doesnt/wont engage in conversation with me or dd(bestest freinds)..but i dont see him that often so i thought we just missed due to latenees(on their behalf)

So today i saw nursery teacher and asked about Bill re the problem we both noticed and how he's doing now..teacher says that Bill doesnt come very often, maybe once a week, not phone call, no reason and has really deteriorated(went back over confidence wise/communication etc)..she says its sad as he needs the grounding and stability(he will be 5 in the summer, so is a late nursery starter) and his parents know literally no one around here as they only moved when i started looking after bill and are not the mixing kind, so bill now spends most days with his parents in their house (no money to go anywere as they gave up job and told they cant be botherd with park etc as its too cold, when ive asked to meet there)..he(has told teachers at nursery) he plays on his own most of time as parents are on computer or waching t.v, gets up while parents stay in bed and has no stimulation.

i told teacher it is awful, but i dont think they can make them take him?, i just feel so sad that while he was with me(and i know im not his mum and we all do things differently), we went all over, did loads of fun trips/things, i got him to nursery every day and on time, we talked, played made things, ate well, learned things..just dont know if theres anything i can do to help as hes due to come back to me in sept when hes in full time ed, but hell be soo behind and already finds it hard, parents dont turn up when i arrange to meet for playdate, so not sure what i can do but he was a little lost soul when he came to me and the confidence he gained over the two years was amaising, he was a lovely/clever(albiet working harder to get there) and fun little boy...i know 'really' its none of my business, but i cant help worrying or caring for him especially as hes coming back to me..what do you suggest?

OP posts:
avenanap · 12/03/2008 22:43

This is so sad. I used to train as a paeds nurse and sometimes I could see that children were so unhappy but all I could do was refer them. It made me so sad because I wanted to help them so much. This little boy sounds unhappy. No one knows what's going on at home though but I don't think that his basic needs are being met. It's a very sad world and some parents need training or support to care for their children as it doesn't come naturally. I would have a chat with the NSPCC and see what they suggest. Take comfort in the care that you have shown towards him though, you are going out of your way to help this child and you should be proud of that. Things should get better when he starts school, he'll have to go or the parents will be in bad trouble with the authorities.

KaySamuels · 13/03/2008 06:47

Aw poor little lad.

I don't think there is a great deal you can do at the moment,but I know you must find it hard, bonds are made with mindees and especially as you know he wil be returning to you it will be hard not to worry about him.

If I were you I would just look at the positives, he will soon be back in your care and at full time school, where he can get help and school can raise cocrencs officially re his attendance.

juuule · 13/03/2008 10:00

"he(has told teachers at nursery) he plays on his own most of time as parents are on computer or waching t.v, gets up while parents stay in bed and has no stimulation."

My eldest ds went through a phase of telling the cm that 'daddy works and mummy goes to the pub'. At the time I was working full-time (hence why ds at cm). We have no idea where he got this idea from. We didn't even go out 'to the pub' at weekends. Might bill be saying this as he wants his parents to play with him all the time and so is mentioning things that take their time away from him? Just a thought.

coppertop · 13/03/2008 10:10

I think I'd be more concerned about the nursery teacher giving out confidential information like this. It's good that you are interested in his welfare and progress but I would be less than pleased if I found out that staff had been talking about my child to other parents like this.

ROSEgarden · 13/03/2008 11:00

Juule i know what you mean but i know this DOES go one from when i looked after him.

Coppertop, teacher just said he wasnt going regulary and when i asked if he was cmoing along ok she said not really..i kind of put the words into her mouht(ie: is he still doing x..No), i agree its shaky ground, but we all know things do get said and she knows im not going to use it against them, she knows ill try and help if poss.

did speak to parent this morning tho..asked how bill was and if hes liking school, parent said further info..i said is he doing ok and having lots of fun..yes..that was this week he has been twice in 4 days, i know they dont HAVE to go just yet but am sad its becuase parents are not looking after his best interests and just cant be botherd.

OP posts:
juuule · 13/03/2008 13:55

I must admit that I find something about the op a bit disconcerting. Surely if the nursery had any real concerns they would approach the parents and also have procedures in place to address such concerns. I agree with Coppertop that I find it strange that the nursery are not observing confidentiality over any concerns they may have.

HonoriaGlossop · 13/03/2008 14:30

Yes this is a huge breach of confidentiality and very unprofessional. As juuule says if they've got real concerns they would - should!- be dealing with them through their policies and procedures and should certainly not be involving another parent who is now totally unconnected (except emotionally, which I understand)

I totally understand that you've had on-going concerns but really now you are out of the picture - and what can you do to help after all? You wouldn't be aware of the issues unless the teacher had shared them inappropriately anyway......

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