Child's best friends not going on Year 6 residential

[CharismaticMegafauna]

I'm in a bit of a dilemma about whether to send my daughter on the Year 6 residential trip to Ireland. Her school has a long-standing tradition of going to Dublin area which ties in with their learning.

As far as I know, the whole class normally goes - at least that's certainly been the case for the past two years. However, this year I've found out that of DD's three close friends, two of them will not be going. She wasn't massively keen on going in the first place, and now is even more reluctant to do so. The class is very boy-heavy (23 boys and 9 girls).

I'm worried now that if she doesn't go, she'll miss out and regret it when the others are all talking about it. It could be a good experience for her and give her a bit more independence. On the other hand, I don't want her to go and be miserable without her two best friends. It's not cheap either (around £450 for 4 nights including spending money). Has anyone been in a similar situation?

Not been in a similar situation but it's a good idea to send her to get used to being more independent

And if she doesn't go, there will be even less girls.

You don't have to send her, but she will gain a lot more by going than she will by not going. It will be a wonderful experience and one she will remember for years.

Life is an adventure, it's good to teach our kids that plans can change but it doesn't mean they won't have a good time.

I personally wouldn’t be encouraging the whole ‘only go if your friends are going’ mindset, but equally I wouldn’t force her to go if she genuinely doesn’t want to.

Is she friendly with others? What is she reluctant about?

I've literally just sent my daughter off on a residential with her after school activity club. She has no female close friends going.
I'll be honest I'm so worried for her but I think it's great she has the mindset that if she wants to go on something she will go regardless of whether her mates are there. I just hope she has a great time because if it was me I'd of probably cried off and stayed at home.

That sets a really poor precedent that your present circle of friends are your only friends and you can't make new ones. She should definitely go and it'll probably really help get on with other people better.

Send her anyway, it will set her up to find the transition to secondary with new peers far easier. It will give her a confidence boost if you go about it the right way.

Assuming the money isn't an issue I would let her choose.

(BTW are you in NI? That seems so expensive for a school trip)

We're in England, in the Midlands.

So she has 3 friends and 2 are not going. If your DD doesn't go that leaves 1 of her friends on their own. I'd be sending her with her 1 friend who is going. It's good for DC to be a bit more independent.

I would defo send her

I think she's worried because she said didn't enjoy the Year 5 residential (at an outdoor activity centre), the length of the journey and she said she would get homesick.

This is also a great opportunity for her to get to know others out of their normal environment.

My kids went on mixed aged 7day residential ski trips (we live in France) from the age of 7. The first school one from aged 6.

They were such a good learning experience.

I would send her. My DC gained so much from their Y6 residential. It really gave them more independence in a safe, structured way before they went to secondary school.

My dd didn’t want to go so I didn’t make her. Same boy heavy class, also 8 girls. Two little cliques and no room for my dd in either of them. We went to Center Parcs instead. She doesn’t regret not going on the residential and later when I asked kids in her class how it went they said it was really boring and they had to sit around waiting to take turns on the activities the whole time - while I know received wisdom is it’s good for kids to be bored etc and know how to turn take, they were 10 & 11 and that was all they had to say about it.

I wouldn’t make her go OP, but MNetters love a residential and think all kids need to go to build character etc 😁 so you’re probably going to get loads of brisk replies saying she should go.

If two of her three close friends aren’t going then presumably one is? Why would she be miserable without two close friends if she’s with another close friend?

If she doesn’t want to go, I would not send her. My daughter didn’t want to go, and I insisted and she did not like it one bit. She cried every night, was really homesick, despite her friends being there. Most other of her friends were also homesick and crying at night. A year on, she said she would never go on another residential. It left such a negative impact on her. So as someone who did it, due to a lot of parental pressure, independence blah blah, my advice would be to listen to your daughter. They have the whole their life to be independent. It’s too soon and they are too young at the age of 10/11.

The last part about homesickness is exactly why it would be a good idea for her to go. It may also be good for her to make stronger friendships with some of the other children in her class; she may not be with these current friends in secondary school. I remember being put in a twin room with someone I hardly knew on a secondary school residential, and we ended up having a great time!

If she really doesn't want to go on this trip, I would encourage her to start something like Guides as soon as she can, so she will likely have other opportunities to have residentials with groups of girls over the summer.

Agree be good to go and sure when time for mini blondes (6) to go in 4yrs time I will be saying the same but will miss her

Why aren't the other 2 going / cost ?

That leaves one on own who will out of the 4

Plus the other 5 girls in the class who are going

I think Friend A is not going because her parents were too anxious about the journey and going so far away from home. Friend B then refused to go because Friend A was not going! Friend B's mum also told me she didn't like the idea of her being so far away, though her son went on the same trip a few years ago.

I've suggested to my daughter that she could do an unaccompanied children's riding holiday next summer with her good friend from riding lessons, but she isn't keen on that idea either. She gets upset at the thought of growing up at the moment.

Good point about her getting to know the other girls better. It's quite possible she won't be in the same class as her current best friends when she goes to secondary school.

I refused to go on a skiing trip with my school over 45 years ago. I was the only pupil out of my year who didn’t go, and they forced me to sit in with younger kids and do horrible set work as a “punishment “, because the head of year could not comprehend why anyone would refuse to go.

Never regretted that decision at all, and I’ve been perfectly resilient and confident in life since. Let your daughter decide.

I’m surprised a primary school does a residential abroad. Seems that aspect of it make it’s so much harder. Most primaries I know go an hour or two so if there are any issue parents can get their fairly easily.

I think I’d encourage her to go and maybe do things like invite some of the other people going around for play dates in the next couple of weeks. However if she was dead set against it I wouldn’t force her. They’ll be at least 3 of them back at school so presumably they’ll be together somewhere that week.

Abroad does seem fair away. Ours is a coupe of hours drive

What's the cost

Can you talk to the other 5 girls parents - does she play with them at all

And yes when goes to secondary school she may not be with her close friends so good to make more

I personally hated trips away despite having a crappy home life.

I don't really understand why people think they grow resilience. I'm resilient, but not because I went away for a few days at 11 and learned to be independent.