My kid is overlooked

[Snowdrops0]

My daughter (9) attends a lovely school but there have been lots of tears recently. Earlier in the week, they gave the Christmas play parts out and she auditioned for a big part and got a tiny part even though she has proven herself to be more than capable before. Another girl who got the main part (and always gets these parts) was showing off about it on Tuesday which upset her further. I offered to speak to the teacher but my husband and daughter both want me to leave it.
Then today, my daughter didn’t get picked to go on the swimming team even though she is a strong swimmer and in a higher wave than some of the others that were picked.
Part of me thinks this is a good life lesson even though it sucks and I should just leave it. But the other part of me is fed up of seeing the same kids picked for everything and I want to stand up for my daughter. I know that teachers have a super hard job and it’s impossible to keep everyone happy but I hate seeing my daughter so upset and feeling like she isn’t doing well when she really is. What would you do?

I have EXACTLY the same with DS. Not just the play, but assembly certificates, school
Monitor etc etc. he's a clever and sweet kid I don't get it. It bugs him - I've seen it for ages but he's only just aware. We've raised it with school and have an "achievement" chart on the fridge. Every time he does something he feels should be celebrated he writes it down and when the paper is full he gets a reward. I don't know what to do with the school tho. So no wisdom but you're not the only one xx

Yes, I could never understand teachers logic!
I think you just have to make sure your child knows that you believe in them.
It seems very young to learn that likes not fair

@Snowdrops0

I am not sure about that Christmas play as it would be difficult to prove anything but about swimming you can do something. You can ask the teacher who is testing them why she was assigned to the lower group and say that at so and so swimming pool she is stage 6.

I have done it. I was fed up that he was again put in the group where boys cannot swim at all and run across the pool at the swimming gala for parents, whereas my son who not only swims but also knows how to dive is in the same group. And there are several groups depending on the level of difficulty

Please note that it may not be their teacher that assigns them. It may be a completely different staff member.

know that teachers have a super hard job

as we all do. If somebody doesn't like their job then I can only "cheer them up" that there is plenty of immigrants with a good English and great qualifications queuing up to get a job as a teacher and AI is also looking forward to easing the financial pressure imposed on headmasters by minimising the number of of human staff at school....:/ reality

There may be more to it than you realise. For example, some parents encourage their children to go for a big part in the play, but actually the child tells the teacher they don't want a big part.

There could be something else going on, perhaps to do with attendance or behaviour that is stopping your DD from getting the bigger opportunities. Teachers need to choose reliable children or it's a nightmare for them.

Of course, none of this might apply in your situation, in which case perhaps at the next parents' evening you could mention to the teacher that your child is really keen to take on some more responsibility and was really disappointed to miss out on a big part in the play and a place in the swimming team. You could ask the teacher what your child could work on that would improve her chance of getting one of these opportunities in the future.

A couple of things to think about:
You put:
even though she has proven herself to be more than capable before so presumably she has had a bigger part before. So you can point out to her that she isn't always overlooked.

Swimming teams there's a few things here where it's possible.
Firstly she may be capable of swimming further, but maybe she isn't that fast. I'm a good tennis player, but you wouldn't put me in a sprint, because I'm incredibly slow, which you wouldn't know from a tennis court. Similar to swimming. I got my 400m badge at age 6yo, but I was always a slow careful swimmer. It may be that she is capable of more, but not best for races.
I also had a cousin who was in the county squad for swimming. He often didn't get picked for school because his specialism there happened to be a lad who was not his county, but was better than him. These things happen. The other lad didn't swim for his county either (probably because he wasn't interested though). Maybe the stroke she is best at there are several better than her, but not as much competition for other strokes.
Also, is this the team for the year or just one match? My primary school for friendly matches used to not always pick the best. We were a large school in an area where some of the schools we were playing against had 20 children in the juniors. They used to use those to ask non-top team members to give them a match. Competitive ones they'd ask the best people.
My dc's juniors used to ask those who were in the lunchtime/afterschool clubs first. They didn't field the best team they could have but it rewarded those for dedication.

You could ask about the swimming team. They may not realise she'd like to be in it. I wouldn't about the play as it sounds like she has had a chance in the past.

I would speak up, as sometimes things are not always apparent and also dc could have just been having a bad day when they were being picked. I spoke up when my dc was overlooked for something just saying I hope she will be considered for the future and not just forgotten. The worst that can happen is nothing will change or the teacher might consider your dd for the next swim meet or play. Of you could ask for feedback to understand why the decisions are being made.

Also, sometimes dc or parents may want something for their dc, but they are not always the best. I manage a team sport and its funny how often dc request and want certain positions, when they are not the best ones for them and they are much stronger in other positions. The parents will even request these positions...and if I do not know how they play, I usually just listen to them and put them in their choice....but quickly realise that is not the position for them and change it to what they are stronger at.

Thank you for your responses. Lots of helpful responses and I appreciate the parents who showed some empathy and had experience with the situation. But it’s disappointing to see replies that suggest parents are delusional and have no idea where their child’s strengths lie. Just to clarify, I don’t want her to go for a big part. She wanted the big part. I can think of nothing worse than performing in front of others. My daughter has 100% attendance, is completely reliable and is well behaved. I don’t think I would have posted if I felt my daughter wasn’t more than capable. There won’t be another parents evening to talk to this year’s teacher as we’ve already had it. Also, she is one of the fastest swimmers in her class.

Just ask. Say you want to talk to the teacher and just ask. There could be 300 reasons for anything and it may have nothing whatsoever to do with your child.