Reception friendships - teacher raised worry

[Welshmumofobe]

My DS started reception in September. He’s quite quiet with others but has had friends throughout nursery. I walked past his school once at lunchtime and he was playing happily with another child. I was a bit concerned because over half the children in his year already know each other from the school nursery, but figured he would be okay as he has made friends in his own nursery.

On Friday we had two messages on the school system saying that he preferred playing on his own with videos of him alone in the playground whilst all the other children are playing. On one of the videos he is hanging round some other children and you can hear the teacher / TA commenting with surprise that he’s vaguely playing with someone to each other and then saying, sssh, I’m recording. This has surprised me as we’ve had no individual messages about him up to now - just class or group updates with photos of everyone - and it seems a bit harsh to suddenly send these two messages out of the blue.

Should I be concerned? We have parents’ evening in a couple of weeks’ time - should I wait til then to discuss with the teacher?

I’d be grateful for any advice anyone can give!

I'm not familiar with school messaging systems, but I would presume that if they have taken the trouble to send you a particular message about it, then they would probably like to talk to you about it.
Presumably there was some sort of message with the video clips ?
Either way Yes, I'd ask the teacher if it would be possible to have a word about it.

Has he got a speech delay or is he suspected of being on the spectrum?

It can sometimes take a little while for a child to settle in. I’m sure he will become more comfortable with his peers and make friends soon. It’s definitely worth speaking to the teacher about it though. They can actively try to help him to build friendships with others. He is still so young and he has only just started full time school so there is plenty of time for making friends.

The first time they mention something it is bound to be out of the blue.
They have given him time to settle in, but they are seeing a potential issue.

I would chat with your DS about playtime to see what he says, an then arrange to see the teacher. Don't wait for parents evening.

He may not have the maturity to play with others
He may not want to play with others
He may want to play with others, but only if they play what he wants / how he wants
He may be being excluded because he doesn't play nicely (unlikely)
...

It sounds like they were recording a general video and didn’t mean to record the comment. If it was me I’d politely let them know I heard what they said and wondered why they said that and what their concerns are.

It’s always a shock to hear something like this but listen to what they’ve got to say. You say he always had friends at nursery but was it him playing and talking with them, actively engaged? Or playing near them, joining the group but not part of it?

So was you seeing them with another child and them recording an outlier? I would mention it to them that you heard that but just watch on, a group play date so you can see it all first hand mightn’t be bad idea if he has a birthday coming up

A speech delay is not always a reliable indicator of autism. A child with a speech delay will just have been picked up earlier, usually. My nearly 4 year old has a command of English that her nursery describes as 'phenomenal' but is quite likely to be on the spectrum.

My dd only played ‘alongside’ other children for most of reception and not actively ‘with’ them - I specifically remember her teacher mentioning it at parents evening but saying it was perfectly normal and children develop socially at different rates. She is 10 now and perfectly normal socially, though still prefers to stand back a bit from large social groups, though also loves being the centre of attention!

Thanks, everyone, I appreciate the advice. They posted another message yesterday saying he didn’t want to join in with an activity.

Since it’s nearly parents’ evening we will see what they have to say then. I’m certainly open to anything they have to say but don’t think this is the best way to communicate it. Thanks for sharing experiences, it helps to know there are a range of responses from children at this age.