Am I mad for considering this commute?

[Abs8]

What would you do?

2 private school options:

Option A; 35 minute commute by car, smaller class sizes (less than 23) 4-18years. After numerous visits I get a better gut feel. Learning seems more child led, classes are bigger, more extra curricular opportunities, better facilities

Option B; 10 minute commute by car, class size 23/24 pupils, 4-11years. after numerous visits my gut feel is that it's very focused on exam results and getting children into the local grammar.

I'm swaying towards A because of the continued education through to sixth form.

Am I mad for considering a 35 minute commute one way?

We would consider moving closer, but apprehensive about the upheaval.

Before you make a decision it's a good idea to find out if children automatic get in to the secondary & sixth form.

I think that sort of commute isn’t uncommon for a private school - I know all of 20 years ago my parents were driving me and DSis 30 mins each way for school. Main issues:

• do you work? If so, where is work? My mum worked near our school so it worked ok - not sure she’d have loved 2 hours in the car each day rather than 1.
• Do you have other DC? If one DC is staying late for a club etc, is there anywhere nearby to go for a coffee etc with the other one?
• It can be an issue if friends are made who live half an hour in the opposite direction - do you really want to drive an hour there on the weekend for play dates? Was less of an issue for me as we went to private in secondary so tended to make our own arrangements and met near school via public transport.
• As it’s primary - is DC a summer born? I would be worried about sleeping in the car on the way home mucking up nighttime sleeps

Just a few thoughts - like I say I don’t think that distance is uncommon and if it’s the right school it’s the right school, but worth thinking about.

Oh also since it’s all the way through - any prospect of DC making their own way there on public transport when older? Good for building pre uni independence and takes the burden of 14+ years of lifts slightly!

Do the drive at peak time on a rainy day

I have a very pushy, results focused private school at the top of my road (a 3 minute walk), we decided on a private school 30 minutes away which is a lot less pressured and I thank my lucky stars every day we made that decision as I know a lot of unhappy children at pushy school.
I know it sounds silly but I quite enjoy the commute, a bit of time to myself with an podcast to unwind, and then a bit of time chatting for me and DS, it’s actually quite nice.

Thanks everyone for your responses!

@fishfingersandtoes they do automatically go on to senior school and sixth form and they no longer make them do an exam.

@Cheepcheepcheep thanks, all good points to consider. I do work, 15 mins in the other direction. My least favourite option is closer to work. My DC is late summer born too 😭 her falling asleep in the car is a genuine concern of mine 🙈 and yes, would definitely encourage her to get the school bus at some point. This is available from reception...

@Newgirls I need to do this!

@Ohwheretobegin this is exactly what I want to hear, I really hope that I feel like you if I go with option A. I wonder if we are in the same area...

An hour+ daily in the car seems like a lot for a reception age child. I would have hated that when I was that age.

My kids are at private and 35 minutes wouldn’t be an unusual commute. When my oldest child was in reception to year 3 we did a similar commute and it is a bit tiring but you get used to it. We used the car time to practice spellings, her to read her reading book or to chat about her day and it was a nice routine once we got used to it. I live close to our school now but know plenty of people who commute.

We were 30 minutes commute to DD school. I do work 10 minutes away from it so was on my way to work. Some mornings I didn’t get much out of her but really enjoyed picking her up and discussing how both our days had gone. I always knew how her day had gone as we had that uninterrupted time. She has now gone to Uni but still txt everyday to let us know what she is up to and FaceTimes several times a week, all totally initiated by her. I would go with ur gut. We did. I’m a state school primary teacher and moved DD from state to private and it was the making of her.

Remember it's not necessarily just either end of the day you will make the journey- assemblies, sports day, parents evening, nativity play, picking up sick child etc. When they are young you are likely to be there a fair bit, so you might make the trip three times in a day.

You also need to work out what will happen if you are sick? Who will take your child to school? Will it always be 30 minutes or is bad weather or roadworks likely.

I'm not a fan of all-though schools as I've seen too many friends DCs either hate prep but be forced to stay (18 in a class sounds great but it's less people to develop friendships with) or be fine in prep but then go onto a secondary school that wasn't the right fit, because their parents had prioritised reducing the stress of the 11+ over finding the right fit. This is why the closer school seems 'pushier'. It has to be as they are preparing children so they can access the best school they can, be that private or grammar.

I looked at schools 30 minutes drive away but picked on 10 minutes walk away and have never regretted it. It's not perfect (none are) but it's so easy and stress free. No traffic stress, easy for playdates and parties, plenty of time for external clubs and homework/practice. Add a younger child into the mix, who may have different wants and needs, and you soon realise that while 30 mins is fine for secondary you really will benefit if you stay closer to home for primary.

Have you considered a closer school until 7, then moving to your preferred option?

You would have a better idea on what suits your child by then academically wise.

Thanks everyone, I'm giving it a lot more thought and have booked in some more school visits with both options.

@PuttingDownRoots I think this is becoming more likely what we may do...

@Abs8

both options are not ok.
driving all that way for a school is terrible unless you have an electric car.

I commute 35 minutes each way (although actually during school run time it is generally more like 45-55 minutes).

It's fine-but long. And the cost re petrol is quite significant. I only have a tiny car but the cost is quite hurty. I actually really like the commute because it gives me loads of time to talk to the DCs.

BUT - I WFH. So it is doable.

Does option 1 offer their own transport, that could be a better option if you are unable to drive, for saving the planet, etc. My only reservation with an all-through school would be that if kids fall out with each other, they are stuck together. What's the new intake like in year 7?

I currently do this kind of journey, longer in bad weather (over an hour round trip), for my late summer born and I genuinely despise it! We are still only in the first term of it though, and her old nursery was a 10 minute walk away…

My main issue it is that my husband works away quite a lot at the moment and I am doing drop off and picks up, which is a lot for me before and after a full day of work - being in the office makes this even more complex as I have to plan my day around trains and school times. If you have a flexible day though and are content being in the car during rush hour for this reason I think you’d be fine…. I would definitely advise doing a few trips at different times of the morning and afternoon so see what it’s like. We will either have to move closer or consider a different school 🙈