Maths homework/Mathletics

[StressedMath]

(Really sorry after writing it all and just getting it out my system it ended up being way too long!)

I'm really struggling with the maths homework my Year 3 is being given.

They seem to upload 6 tasks to Mathletics every week. Each task has 10 questions, so that's 60 maths questions being uploaded every week! Now, that might not seem so bad when the due date for everything since September has been 31st December, but it really adds up, especially with a maths-reluctant child who struggles and doesn't like getting things wrong.

There can be 24 tasks uploaded every month, which is 240 questions. This easily builds up if you don't keep on top of it (which is hard when you also have reading and spelling and projects, and also might like to actually play and relax too!). It is disheartening to feel like you've made a dent in it, just for it to stack up again.

There isn't a single week where we complete all the tasks, so inevitably they build up when the next week hits, and then again the next. If we manage 2/6 tasks one week, and 4/6 the next week, then 3/6, then 4/6 again, we've only done 13/24. Then they add the following week so it will show 17 outstanding tasks! I feel it's far too much and I can't keep on top of it.

Every time we do maths it seems to end in a meltdown.

DD is fantastic at her spellings, her handwriting needs some work as she's left-handed but I've seen massive improvements. She enjoys art and also writing stories and comics. She does like gaming too but we often play together and I enjoy that quality time as my own parents played things like Spyro and Mario with me, too. She enjoys doing jigsaws with me and going for walks. She enjoys imaginative play with dolls and toy animals and making scenes with them...

She's not so fond of maths and independent reading so needs pushing to do these. She can read so it's easier to get her to do this, but the maths she really gets upset about.

She cries, she shouts, she refuses, she repeats that she doesn't understand. If she doesn't know how to work out a question, and me trying to help her understand hasn't worked, then she has a melt down. I tell her to work it out any was she wants and just write an answer and it's fine if it's wrong because the teacher will know she needs some help, but she "doesn't want to get them wrong!". Mathletics automatically marks each question as she goes and seeing the red X really gets to her. I help where I can.

For example, tonight I could help her with addition such as 63 + 29 by doing the column method and she felt very happy after she got 10/10. I just had to remind her of the method and set out the first 2 questions and guide her with those, and then she did the other 8 questions herself. But that's one task! This week we have 15 outstanding ones, and next week there will be more added.

But, another task we tried was mystery number sums, such as 47 - ? = 13. She just couldn't grasp it and nothing I said was helping. She seems to struggle with multi-step maths tasks and even writing down the process is confusing to her.

As an example: if we did "what do we need to add to 13 to reach 47?" and we did 13 + 30 = 43 and wrote it down, once we have then worked out that 43 + 7 = 47, she will say "so the answer is 7." Then i'll remind her about the 30 we already added, and she says "so the answer is 30?". So I tell her we need to add those answers together and then she starts with the "I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!".

These 2 tasks together took over an hour and ended in upset. I can't cope with it. The problem is that if she doesn't finish all 10 questions, it won't complete the task and score her, so the teacher has no idea of her score unless she is pushed through all the questions.

If she thinks she has an answer, she won't write it down without asking me if it's right. This feels like I'm doing her homework for her. If her answer is incorrect, and I tell her so, she will meltdown. If I refuse to say if it's correct or incorrect and to write down whatever she thinks is correct, she will just refuse to write it down.

I suggested to her that if she really doesn't know how to work something out, that she just writes "0" every time this happens, as this will get the task completed but show a low score, which will signal to the teacher that she doesn't understand whatever concept the task is asking for. She threw an absolute fit about this, I mean screaming and tears and "They'll think I'm stupid, I'll tell the teacher that you're making me get them wrong on purpose!". I can't just feed her the answers! This won't show her struggle.

I understand that I'm a parent and I need to support her but I do feel she should be learning how to do these tasks in school so she can do the work more independently and she clearly isn't able to.

I don't have the time to sit and help her do every single question every week and leaving her to get on with it doesn't work either as she will start crying. I help with what I can when she just needs reminding or help figuring out the method needed, but then letting her do it, the issue is she doesn't want to answer if it's not correct and as soon as an answer is marked as incorrect she gets so unbelievably angry and upset with it.

Sometimes I feel like she has grasped something, then she will forget it soon after. She told me that she had no idea what dividing means and she can't do it. I went through some stuff with her on paper, and we also did some simple X and ÷ by 10. "What's 5 X 10?" 50! "Then 50 ÷ 10 is?" 5! She then forgot this by the following week.

It can take half an hour just to get through one task if it's not a really simple one for her! It's such a battle and it's making me extremely stressed.

Because she struggles, she doesn't focus on the task once she feels defeated. She can focus to read her book or do her spellings, but if I get a paper and pen and try and get her to do a maths method, she will start doodling or whinging that I crossed something out "messily" or didn't write something where she wanted me to or I wrote my 4 differently, or some other random detail that doesn't really matter.

I've thought about a tutor but I can't really afford one... I'm a single mother and currently in temporary accomodation and have been for a long time, so there's nowhere for a tutor to come in and sit her down to do the maths with me here too. We don't even have a table

Do some tutors accept a child coming to their home? I'd be happy to try and get the money and sit with a flask of tea and a book while she gets on with the tutor at their house?

I will speak to the teachers at the upcoming parents evening. When I picked her up one day after school they were telling my child they haven't been doing enough maths :(

They are really focused on scores which I hate. Some kids will whiz through them and get loads of points, some kids slog through and end up with no free-time at the expense of stacking to their points to make the school happy.

It's like do I allow my child zero down time just so she can get more points on these apps like a competition? Of course education is important but so is enjoying her time as a child and play. I didn't have such intense homework as a child until secondary, most homework was optional and we were rarely given any.

Just ranting really! I need to discuss with the teachers... But any tips would be helpful. Is my idea of going to a tutors house as opposed to them coming to me feasible? I don't think online would help as we have no laptop and she won't respond as well as in-person, I know that much about her. She needs someone there to help.

Just so stressed with the never-ending Maths tasks?!

and wrote it down, once we have then worked out that 43 + 7 = 47, she will say "so the answer is 7." Then i'll remind her about the 30 we already added, and she says "so the answer is 30?"

Sorry, the 7 should be 4, confusing myself in the stress of the rant!

Have you told the school that it's too much?

I'd set a time limit of say 10 minutes 3 times a week, do that and then that's it. Tell the teacher that is as much as your DD can cope with.

I've tried doing a time limit but the problem is that often she can't complete a 10 question task in 10/15 minutes, so it gets left half done. I suppose she could go back to it the next times, but then we might only be completing 1-2 tasks a week.

I think it makes me also feel like a bit of a failure when I see how much we haven't been able to do. Hearing her be told she needs to do more made me feel like crap as we do try, but due to meltdowns over the harder stuff I won't lie that I dread getting her to do it!

It is a shame as other kids finish their tasks and then they can play the games but DD rarely gets to do that. She isn't bothered about "scoring the highest points" in maths either so that doesn't motivate her.

Would a tutor be worth it? Do you think putting 0 answers which obviously aren't correct will flag to the teacher concepts she just can't do yet? I worry if she doesn't complete tasks then the teacher doesn't get a full idea of what she can't do, it's the only maths homework they are set.

I haven't spoken to them yet as it's only gotten really stressful the past couple weeks as the tasks got harder and they built up. I thought I'd wait as parents evening is in a week, but it might be worth a more detailed e-mail.

I actually find myself vetting the outstanding tasks beforehand to find the easier ones that I think she has a good shot at without crying :(

I've tried doing a time limit but the problem is that often she can't complete a 10 question task in 10/15 minutes, so it gets left half done. I suppose she could go back to it the next times, but then we might only be completing 1-2 tasks a week.

And that's fine. Let the teacher know.

Your child shouldn't be spending hours on homework, particularly not in primary school!

And that's fine. Let the teacher know

You know what, you're right. I think I've put expectations on myself to get her to do more tasks because "she should be" as that's what's being set. But I don't want her to hate maths by being pushed more than she can handle and we do the other homework set without issues (reading, spelling, she did an art project over the holiday, and is doing a history project this half term). Thanks. I will talk to the teacher without feeling guilty about this! I think I needed to hear it was OK.

You are clearly stressed by this as that is a marathon post.
I think that sounds like too much homework at that age. What has teacher said? If they are asking for it all to be done and caught up with too, it might be time for a chat. Alternatively, if it's there for kids just to do as much as they can in say 30mins, then that's different.
We have only just started homework in year 4, and teacher has said no more than 20mins for each subject. She is interested in effort rather than achievement

Far far far too much homework in my opinion. I teach y5/6 and set no more than 20 questions a week, sometimes only 10, depending on how lengthy they are. Speak to the teacher. They may not realise how long it is taking. I’m sure she’s not the only child struggling to complete it all!

You have my sympathy - I have a very similar experience with one of mine, and it is frustrating and exhausting for everyone.

your description of your dd sounds remarkably similar to mine, from the creative and imaginative play to the extreme anxiety around getting a wrong answer that results in meltdowns. My dd has been flagged for potential neurodiversity - obviously math anxiety alone isn’t a sign of nd, but my dd’s extreme emotional response / challenges with emotional regulation as well as tendency to to very black/white thinking is part of the nd discussion. Just flagging in case it rings any bells for you with your dd.

a few thoughts on what works for us:

• Consistency is key, even if really painful some days - we do homework every single day at approximately same time, no exceptions. There is flexibility around what she does first, but it has to be done in order to be move to next stage of evening (pudding and free play). Eliminates the debate around ‘do I have to do math tonight ‘ - we do it every night. We also find it easier to do in a room without distractions.
• set reasonable parameters (regardless of what school sets). For mine, it is about 5 small pages, maybe 10-15 questions in total. On a good day, it is 10-15 mins in total if she is working at a normal pace for her. Some days it takes much longer, but in principle the task set is very manageable.
• you need to deal with the emotional anxiety before the math- the brain shuts down under stress, and you will get nothing out of her if she is worked up emotionally. As part of the nd discussion, my dd gets a lot of support around emotional regulation and we have clear strategies in place for getting her back into a calm state of mind. If she is getting anxious I remove the homework and we talk about which strategies she wants to use (breathing exercises, cuddle toy, yoga stretches, etc.) when she is back in a better emotional state I give her back her homework.
• if you find yourself getting emotional/ maintaining your cool, you need to take a break yourself
• have regular discussions about how to handle mistakes. Before we start the homework we talk about making mistakes and how she wants to handle it today. Some days she does want me to check every answer before submitting- I will not give her the answer, but the validation when it is correct really helps some days when anxiety is high. Other days she is more comfortable to give it a goon her own
• explore different ways of approaching math problems, and talk to her about all the different ways of getting the same correct answer. I have twins who do their work side by side, but they grasp concepts differently and favour different approaches. Sometimes it really stretches me, but if struggling I try to show a coup,e of different ways of approaching and then getting her to choose the one that makes most sense to her.
• accept that this is your responsibility - even if school is doing a great job laying the foundation, math (and reading) is all about practice. Your dd needs to build a volume of practice with math that simply isn’t going to happen within school alone.

I swear it does get better - most days we are able to get ALL homework (reading, spelling and maths) done within 30 mins total (sometimes splitting reading from the rest, as we like to do that before bed), and there is still plenty of time for play. We do still have the odd difficult day - my daughter had a bit of a meltdown tonight! - but we are getting better at navigating the rough patches.

what has teacher said

We haven't actually been given a guide line for how much maths we should do each week. They say they should be doing 20 minutes of reading with us every day. We have a spelling test every week. There's no guide on how much maths they actually want though. When they said she needs to do "more" they didn't actually specify anything and I stupidly didn't ask at the time (this was last week) and just said I'd try.

explore different ways of approaching math problems, and talk to her about all the different ways of getting the same correct answer.

I think she does struggle here. She wants to know how to do it as sometimes it seems like she genuinely has no clue how to approach a question.

With the mystery sums, 23 +? = 56. I can explain that we can do 50 - 20, then 6-3, or that we can do adding 10s to 20 to get to 50, then work out the ones, the issue is she doesn't seem to be able to do this on her own, she doesn't seem to "get" it at all, no matter what method I've tried. And if I help her with a method and then leave her to do some questions, she doesn't seem to then be able to do those methods herself (she can do the column addition method written down, but not this mystery number thing).

She also struggled with repartitioning and renaming, so asking to put 156 into 10s and 1s rather than 100s/10s/1s, she just couldn't understand the concept, so couldn't answer the questions at all.

Some of the ND stuff does ring a bell, it might be worth thinking more about and having a look thank you, thank you for your tips as well!

I think I will just try and do 10 minutes reading, 10 minutes spelling, 10 minutes maths but do that every day, if we go over by a few minutes on something she enjoys more or is doing very well at and feeling confident that's fine. She enjoys it when she understands a concept in maths and will ask for more questions, hence me trying to find the easier tasks as it helps her confidence. There was a task she was very good at in September and we did a role reversal where I was the student and I would pretend I didn't know how to do the questions and she would teach me how :). She needs to understand it first but it's lovely when that happens

How did she do on the y2 sats? In terms of mystery number just let her do it as a column subtraction So do say a simple one 20+?=23 So 23 -20 - 3

Or show as a triangle of numbers
23
3 20

Is she young in the year?

My eldest lacked concidence in maths. And the jumping methods were very confusing as how to tackle it changes in a way each time. Imo column first then work on more understanding.

For mathletics ours only get 3 to 4 a week. But never finish all over the year. The teacher should only be setting what they have covered.

If you dont finish the whole eg 10 i dont think it saves the results. Or at least loses it after a few weeks maybe

Cgp books are good and you can pick a topic you need to focus on.

My y3 is doing the mathletics alone now (which is great as the eldest doesnt)
Mathletics live is good too and you could do a few of those a week.
When you go to parents eve find out how many q she is doing in a lesson -- is she making it onto the harder ones

Some children (and adults) struggle with the abstract nature of maths.

I'd try using physical things. So for 47 - ? = 13 she can get 47 of something, counters, coins, haribo sweets (she can eat after she's finished).

So she starts with a pile of 47, takes away from that pile and puts them in another pile until she has 13 left. Then she can count how many are in the 'take away' pile.

I'm a big fan of cooking / baking to teach maths too (it also helps with reading). Don't tell her it is maths, just bake a cake with her weighing the ingredients and adding up the total of flour and sugar etc.

Jam tarts - get ready rolled pastry and a round cutter, ask her how many tarts she thinks you can make with the cutter? Then see how many you actually make.

Then cheese straws or other pastry - this time with a square cutter.

I'd also try to stop calling answers wrong (not easy if a website is giving you a red X) but 'that's not right yet, but you did this bit correctly'.

Also a discussion that the teacher needs to see how she and the other children are doing to check if the teacher has done the teaching right, so the teacher really needs to see how many children have understood.

One last thing, does she get pocket money? Actual physical cash? going shopping can help.

If you normally just use a card (don't we all) then a play shop with play money works, it can be a kitchen cupboard.

Get her a money box or a jar and pay her X per day or week. Price everything in the shop / cupboard and make it things she likes but doesn't get often, maybe a can of coke, a couple of bars of chocolate, a tin of spam (depending on the child) she gets her money and can spend it on anything in the cupboard.

Price things how you want them so the can of coke might be £5 and she gets £1 a week. Have some things she can buy cheaply maybe grapes for 1p.

Good luck OP

I just wanted to send some solidarity and say you are not alone. I had epic battles of a very similar kind with my eldest. To be honest I did most of his homework for him in primary school.

My eldest has ASD and learning difficulties which is what caused the difficulties you describe in his case. However, secondary school has actually been so much better. He is now in year 10 and he can do the vast majority of his homework himself. He will not get top GCSE grades, but he is happy and his teachers are very encouraging.

I would definitely go and speak to your DD's teacher. Maybe you could come up with a strategy together that would allow your DD to be successful, and you both to feel less overwhelmed. If you can tell you DD that Miss X has agreed that she can do say, two tasks a week then maybe she will feel happier.