Move school or stay

[Hamster0005]

Hi All

We have 2 children, year 2 and 4.
Year 2 child very happy at school.
Year 4 child having some issues. It's a small village school with only 4 girls in the class. One of which my child loves. The other 2 are big characters and often tell my dd that she cannot join in, to go away etc

Dd is shy and as there's not many children to pick from she's finding it hard, especially if her best friend is off school. Shes been very emotional and crying a lot. School have been made aware about the issue but it only seems to be getting worse. Quite a few other children have recently left and numbers are dropping.

I'm going to look around a new school in the week but it's a bigger school and I'm worried with how shy she can be that she will struggle.

My boy loves school (hasn't always, he's just decided he loves it there now), but he's more social and I think he'd be OK in new school.

I'm after anyone if they've had any similar experiences? I know kids adapt but I don't want her confidence to be knocked anymore than it currently is.

I know nobody can give me the answers, but any thoughts would really help.
Thanks 😊

She's not happy where she is - how can it get worse? It's incredibly unusual (not to say unhealthy I would say, as your current school shows) to have a pool of three to be friends with. There are shy children in lots of schools and they are fine, it's just what they are used to. It will feel a big jump for her initially if she is used to a tiny school but once she makes more friends she will be fine - she won't have 66% of her peers being actively mean to her for a start! Just make sure you can reassure her that she will still see her close friend.

If there are only 3 other girls and 2 are being unkind it must be quite distressing for DD. I think you should move schools if you can find space. If younger one is more social then they will probably cope.

Is your DD in a mixed year group class? Are there children in other years she can befriend?

Thank you all for your replies. Really helpful. My gut is telling me to move her, it's that mum guilt making me doubt myself.

She is in a class of 11. 4 girls the rest boys and she is a real girls girl.

I think GolfForBrains my have hit nail on head saying it can't get any worse as she really only has 1 friend in the school. There are other classes but also small sizes so there isn't a massive pool to pick from. She does sometimes play with others but no meaningful friendships have been formed. There are a lot of "problem" children attending, as I think the parent want them in smaller school to help with this.

Sounds like the concensus is moving would be better...

Thank you all again. If anyone else has moved a child please do comment xx

Only 4 girls, it's no wonder the poor thing is miserable that sounds very stifling and she's probably realised it's going to stay that way for the next 2 years.

Definitely move them. I've not moved mine but as a teacher I've seen plenty of children moved and in all my years of being in the classroom only once has it been the wrong choice.

Thank you. Great to hear teachers point of view as well.
I now need to hope the school I am looking around has some space for them both. It's a bigger school, only one in take per year so hopefully not too much of a jump...
It's horrible seeing her so sad. She went in today happy because she saw her bestie, but I just think she could have so much more. Xx

Definitely move your daughter.

I assume that logistics mean that you have to move your son - because but it will be a big move for him - your comment he hasn’t always he has just decided he has now - why now what does he have. And being ok

Yes logistically we need to move both.
My boy wanted to move to a bigger school in the summer holidays. But there isnt space in his chosen school (he has friends there).
He now seems happy at small school. But I do think the issues my daughter is seeing will come, in time, for him. As his class is only 10 children. So I think it may be right thing for him longer term, but I don't think he will like it in the short term. Especially as its not his chosen school that we're looking around...

IMO there is an optimum class size, and it's 15-20. 11 seems too small esp with only 4 girls.

I agree. The new school would be 30 in a class I think if fully subscribed. So a big change for sure.

11 boys and 4 girls!!! Yes I’d move her like the wind.