Non-Academic, Unmotivated Child: State or Private School?

[Sunshinever]

DS is currently in Year 3 and we'll soon be relocating to London. At the moment, he's attending a local school in Singapore as an expat. To provide some context, in Singapore, there's a strong emphasis on academics from an early age.

However, DS is an average student with a less than enthusiastic attitude towards learning to say the least. He tends to procrastinate for a good 15 minutes before starting his homework and easily gets frustrated when faced with challenging questions or writing assignments. He gets angry pretty much entire time he is doing his homework. Entire process is such a punishment for him.

Additionally, he has been diagnosed with ADHD and is undergoing treatment.

While he's still young, I have a strong feeling that he may not pursue higher learning or a career focused on academics. Now, we're faced with the decision of choosing a school for him in London, either a state school or a private school. We have the means to send him to a private school, but I wonder how much it will benefit him if he lacks the motivation to learn on his own.

The question is whether it's worth investing in a private school education, or if it might be more prudent to allocate those resources towards supporting his interests and aspirations for his future. Any insights or advice on this matter would be greatly appreciated.

I have an ADHD dc and he has been to both state and private schools.
He has settled in a private school and while there are still challenges he is doing well academically, particularly in the subjects that interest him.

The executive functioning deficits linked to ADHD can make the early years of learning difficult.

I was doing some training on ADHD recently where they said that 15 was the ideal number of kids in a classroom for dc with ADHD. So a private school number.

It is also really important to ensure that neurodivergent dc can the opportunity to do things that they are good at for example music, sports or drama. It can be easier to get this in a private school.

It probably isn't a good idea to send your dc to a private school if you're doing to get certain grades at the end of it. But if it's to ensure your dc is well supported with maximum opportunities it might be if you find the right private school. They have significant variation.

Try to choose an all through school with no 11+ exams so you get a little more runway. You will get there eventually

Honestly I think it comes down to how comfortable you are financially . if you are easily able to send him to private school then I would , there are loads of benefits like better pastoral care, smaller class sizes . Sport and travel opportunities outside of the academic advantages . However if it would be a real financial stretch for you then it's probably not worth crippling yourself for these things without the benefit of academic side of things .

I wouldn’t make any long term assumptions about his academic ability at this age.

If you can comfortably afford private school then find one that’s a good fit for your family with strong pastoral care.

There are plenty of not-super-academic private schools in London with excellent facilities for sport drama music etc. but there are also plenty of great state schools.

Look up GoodSchoolsGuide to get an idea of private options

Completely depends on where you are moving to, the local state schools - many are excellent, and what the movement on the waiting list is like.

Private schools will take away the waiting list waiting game for you

My DD has quite bad Dyslexia, I took her out of mainstream school after Year 3 as she just couldn’t cope with the school day. She’s bright, the struggle to keep up with the rest of the class, the constant disruption from other kids was just too much for her.

The move to private all girls school wasn’t a magic fix for her but it did give her the space, time, support and opportunities for other subjects and activities that state school couldn’t. She returned to state school in Year 8, her decision as she wanted local friends and a mixed education, she is thriving.

It's not, IMHO, about private vs state, it's about a school that will support your child.

Look at everything, you have the luxury of private if that is the right school.

I moved my son to a private school for exactly those reasons when he was 8 years old. It changed his life and he's about to finish a computer science degree. He's predicted to get a 1st. He already has a job offer for when he finishes.

To this day, I'm 100% convinced that he would have not succeeded in the state system

Things might change with him

But if you can afford private I would go for that - smaller classes, more attention - they will get him through. He could get completely lost in a state school.

Once you know where you might move you can post for ideas of schools, but it sounds like you might need somewhere with lots of physical activity. You need to be near a good non selective senior school.

I’d look at alternative schooling in London. Something like this https://greenwichwaldorfschool.com/

Haha let's not bifurcate to Waldorf.... are you a parent or a teacher?

Honestly if you can afford it private, the smaller class sizes make a huge difference. Don’t go for ultra selective like Highgate/UCS. I’m Hertfordshire based so my recommendations probably aren’t suitable but happy to share if you want.

Please don't write a child off as not academic in year 3. Academic or not is fine, but yr3 is young to say 'my child is not good at x'.

I’m familiar with Singapore style education. It only suits the children of very strict ‘tiger moms’ which is maybe not you. Very few children of your son’s age are self-motivated learners (and I’ve never met a self-motivated boy 😬). If he has Western parenting at home and Singapore high-pressure schooling, he was never going to like or do well at that school.

Disliking homework is normal. Procrastinating is normal. Refusing to read is normal. Your child is a completely normal year 3 child.

However, you should be aware that state education in the UK is falling apart due to decades of under-investment. Many buildings are literally falling down and teachers are fleeing the profession in drives, those remaining are struggling. It is particularly tough for adhd children. If you can afford to go private, do so. Not because you’ll get any specific education outcome, but because your child will be taught in smaller calmer classes with much more sport.

And please don’t assume that how your son behaves at year 3 has any bearing on how he’ll achieve at 16/18. It really doesn’t. What will make a difference is whether or not he meets inspiring teachers who have time for him.

Ps I know several children who came to the UK from Singapore / Hong Kong over the last few years having hated their old schools. They LOVE school in the UK and constantly marvel at how much nicer the UK teachers are to children.

Thanks to all for sharing your experiences and thoughts. I'll thoroughly review your replies; they're incredibly helpful for my decision. Gratitude to everyone!

I would find a school with small class sizes where he will have lots of support and good pastoral care and also opportunities to explore what interests him (beyond phonics and maths). He is still so young! If you can afford it, I personally would go for private, but the right sort of private school - one that isn't all about hot housing them for Eton. Neither dh nor I were particularly academic at that age. I was smart and motivated, but I struggled not having the right support. Dh was mucking about in the back and avoiding any sort of school work. Both of us did well in private school - I excelled academically in the right school (finished first in my class and went on to university and I have a PhD and an academic career now). Dh did well enough academically, went to uni to get some business skills because he knew he wanted to work for himself and developed a business from what was essentially a hobby. It's now a very successful limited company and he earns very well. For both of us, the small class sizes and attention from a private school made all the difference. That's not to say you couldn't get that in a state school, but it's less likely unless you get very luck with the schools in your catchment.

My child moved from Hong Kong to the UK state system in year 5. She went from from being an average to HK student to flying through the work at state school. She passed her 11 plus and was also offered a couple of academic scholarships at private schools. You may well the more relaxed atmosphere of UK school suits your child much better.

Friends with less academic children moved to private schools- now less competitive to get a place since Brexit/lockdown ( less children)- My experience is that more academic children with less fearful parents choose a good state.

I wouldn’t worry about their academic success in year 3- children just need to be happy and explore at this age. We choose state over private, very happy. Also my friend in private school share horror stories about state schools- despite never attending one- also warned her son he will be sent to a state as a punishment if he didn’t start working. 😂