Year 1 - problems

[mintchocchip86]

DD is 5 and has just started in year 1. Her school is two form entry.

Last year throughout reception, DD had problems with another girl in the class. This took many forms such as pushing, pulling, hitting and kicking DD, controlling who DD could play with and talk to. DD knew this was not right, but every time she tried to walk away, she was physically blocked from doing so by having clothes / hair pulled etc. I spoke to the class teacher on numerous occasions and she agreed that she would keep an eye on thing and separate them as much as possible. Due to what was going on DD started to develop school avoidance due to this child.

The school were mixing the classes up for year 1 and I specifically asked that DD was separated from this child and put into the other class. The school separated them.

Unfortunately, DD is still having issues in the playground. Last week, DD was deliberately pushed over by this child and fell and hit her head on the playground. This was witnessed by several Y6 children who reported the incident. Other incidents have included stomping on DD's hands, telling DD to off, using the middle finger and usually she is being hit every day. I have been to the school over this issue and they are keeping an eye. I did ask that the school also spoke to the other parents so they were aware too.

Last week one of DD's best friends mums found me after morning drop off and asked me to go for a coffee. Their DD is in the other class and in the same class as the girl we have been having difficulties with. The mum broke down and told me what has been going on and how worried she is for her DD - I hadn't spoken to her about our experiences, but she had guessed and what she said was happening to her DD was the same for my DD.

The other mums class teachers have been quite dismissive over the whole thing and have said they can't separate her DD. Both DD's are having school avoidance again, both know this is an unhealthy friendship but when they're 5 it is difficult to advocate for yourself.

How can we escalate this - it feels like the school is not doing enough to safeguard DDs from this child and the physical stuff is getting worse. DH says we need to be careful as the girl doing this is mixed race and the school / other parents may pull the race card on us - it is absolutely nothing to do with that whatsoever.

Any advice?

Keep complaining to the school.
Ideally the child shouod be supervised at breaks

Could you & the other girl who is being harassed make a joint meeting with the head? & go in with the line how exactly are the school protecting your children & making school a safe & secure place for them?
Focus on your DDs & how they are feeling, being affected rather than on the child doing it?

Id be asking for a meeting with the 2 teachers or the head of year (or equivalent) and I’d be asking the other DC’s mum to come so you can present this together.

If no resolution I’d be writing to the head teacher.

The child is clearly struggling with something, whether it is a difficult home life or SEN, they need help. At 5 this campaign against other children isn’t normal surely.

Personally I’d be going and seeing the parents of the child too - but that’s me and I know my DP would back me up (he’d probably be first tbh). But I appreciate not everyone would feel comfortable approaching the parents

The school has a legal duty to protect your child from harm.

I would write an email direct to headteacher entitled 'complaint about failure to prevent physical injury in school'

List every incident you can recall with dates and also every report you have made.

Ask at the end 'what is the school going to do to ensure my child will be safe from harm going forwards?' Ask for an immediate response and meeting.

Also start looking for alternative schools. If the school doesn't sort this out very fast - this week - start preparing to move your DD.

Also - there is no such thing as 'the race card' - that is an offensive term for your DH to use. So stick to facts.

The teachers have not been much help so I would suggest you arrange to both meet with the head, if they're not interested go to the governors. Take a list of all incidents and dates if possible and tell them that you are considering moving schools if nothing is done (if that is true).
Don't approach the parents, they can't control how their child behaves at school. This needs to be dealt with by the school as that is where the issues are happening.

It is completely shit for your DD so hopefully this should help. Go onto the school website, find their policies section and you want the bullying one and the safeguarding ones as you want to quote out the safeguarding (mine says "Part 3 of the schedule to the Education (Independent School Standards) Regulations 2014, which places a duty on academies and independent schools to safeguard and promote the welfare of pupils at the school") so you want to say you have a a duty under the Education Regulations 2014 to protect my child. Adds more weight to the discussion.

Read those, especially what steps should be taken when you report bullying, ours lists the role of the teacher, the principal, the governors, pupils, parents and carers.

Ask for a meeting your DD's class teacher. List out on paper all the past incidents, if you haven't got dates, start recording this stuff now. You need to follow up with an email so everything is in writing and has a paper trail. If you talk the teacher you take a notepad, make notes and write up what was discussed and what the school will be doing going forwards to safeguard your child. You email this to the school to document the conversation and it can then be referred back to.

That way you can escalate it if it continues and you have evidence they are failing in their duties. I wouldn't go in as a pair, I would book separate meetings for the other Mum. The more people who complain the more it forces the school to address the issue and put in, if needed, a 1 to 1 TA/LSA for the child who clearly has issues.

I’m really sorry this is happening, sounds like a real little bully.

Make sure your daughter is telling a teacher every single time something happens, and that she has a witness who corroborates her story.

As a freedom of information request, ask the head teacher to send you every single piece of data they have on your child. This will force them to send you their behaviour incident log, which will be anonymous (you won’t see the other girl’s name). The point of this is that it should show you:

a. Has each incident been logged?
b. Has each incident been investigated?
c. Has each incident been dealt with as per the behavioural policy?

If you’ve got proof that incidents have been reported to the school, and they have shown you records stating they have not logged it or actioned discipline, they are in serious breach of their duty of care.

Thanks all for your responses.

I know the other mum is going to try and get her DD moved to my DD's class. I think there is definitely some underlying issues with the child doing this. The two girls were at nursery with her and we did meet up for a couple of play dates before all of this happened and the mum did say her partner was a control freak. I wouldn't like to speculate, but it does make me wonder whether the child thinks this is normal behaviour.

We haven't looked at the safeguarding policy, but I'll go and try and find it now.

I am not happy to contact the parent as I feel this is a school matter and any conversations need to go through the school or could leave us open to further problems.

I don't think this is normal behaviour at all, but I know I am more than biased in my thinking regarding this due to the impact this has had on my child.

In addition, DD made a very healthy friendship with another little girl in her new class. The girl doing all of this had never even spoken to this other child before. Overnight she took an interest in DD's new friend and started to exclude DD from being able to play with her. She is also doing the same to DD's little friend in the same class - she is allowed to play with two other girls in the new class, but the other little girl has been stopped physically from being able to do so.

Speak to the head - tell them about every single incident you can remember and the impact for your child, emphasize that she does not feel safe at the school, do this by email. Your friend should do the same separately.

If you are not happy with how the head deals with it then the next step is an email to the governors. I'm sorry for your daughter, what a horrible experience for her in her first years of school.

Definitely check the school's policies, and don't try to speak to the bully's parents about it. It's happening in school time and on school premises so it is for school to sort out.

Personally I wouldn’t join forces with the other parent to see the teachers/ head. Firstly it will be more effective if two parents are complaining separately, and secondly it starts to look a bit like ganging up if you both go in together, though I understand this is not how it is. Also easier for the school to deal with the issues separately since your dds problems are in the playground and I presume the other child’s problems are in the classroom.