4 year old difficult adjusting to school

[FernBb]

Hi All,

I’m hoping someone can offer me advice.

My 4 year old son joined school in September and it’s been one problem to resolve after another.

At home, he is well behaved but energetic, does as he’s asked, cuddly, happy and doesn’t show any signs of stress.

But at school, I’m getting constant emails that he refuses to sit down for phonics or maths, hits the other children in aggressive outbursts and has started yelling at the teachers, telling them what to do.

I’m pulling my hair out because he never does this at home and this is the first time I’ve ever heard of this!
He has a star chart for motivation, I explain daily before school that he is not to hit and to do as the teacher asks. He always agrees but then come pick up, he’s done none of it!

I’ve tried taking away tv time and explaining to him that because he hit and didn’t go to class, he’s lost tv time and he gets sad, cries and apologises (which breaks me) but there’s no change!

He’s been there for just over a month.

Can anyone offer advice?

I should add that he has a speech delay, came from a Montessori nursery 5 days a week where it was play all day every day and I can’t home school him as I’m a solo parent and work full time!

Was he in childcare before? School can be a big shock to the system if not.

Can you act out with toys what happens at school? how he feels?

It's early days and they get very tired by it all.

How old is he? Just turned 4? They need bit of time to settle.

Yeah he’s been in nursery since after lockdown finished, 5 days a week.

When I ask him why he does these things, he just says ‘I don’t know’

Yepop

He’s 4 and a half

I did think he needed more time but the teachers are making out like he’s the first ‘difficult’ child they’ve had

Hi OP,

It sounds like your LO is overwhlemed in the school environment at the moment. My LO is just turned 4, absolute whirlwind (also has spech delay but unlike yours does not does as their told) with no issues in nursery as they were engaged and managed the fizzy behaviour.
The structured element of school, no matter how 'play-based' is too much at times for my LO and they regularly need to be taken out of class to settle.
I would suggest some social stories with your son, keep talking to him as you are already doing about how to behave, kind hand etc. I also think you should speak to the SENDCO as they should have strategies to support children who are finding the transition tough.
Please don't punish your child, he won't really understand as it's too long after the unwanted behaviour to be meaningful.
I know this feels troubling (I had no issues with my older two so this has come as a shock to me too) but your son really isn't doing this on purpose to be mean.

Hi curlydiamond

I’ve only just started consequences because other mums advised me to do so but it felt so wrong.

They said he’s being naughty and pushing boundaries but I really didn’t feel like he was but I was running out of options.

I am having meetings with the SENCO soon so hopefully they can help

4 is still so young, my eldest went to school at 4 and 9 months and when I saw the difference between him and those who were closer to 6 I really wished we’d waited. Plus the fact they were total play in his Montessori means he didn’t learn about sitting quietly, listening etc. I don’t think it’s as easy as taking away tv time, can you work at the table at the same time as him and get him to draw things write etc? There are some great easy puzzles online that you could get him to print out. Play at him being in school, getting him to get used to sitting- it’s so hard nowadays, attention spans are definitely shorter! Best of luck op!

Was he born after April 1st?

Stayathomer

Unfortunately, my hands are tied and he has to start now.

He turns 5 in 5 months but I know that’s still so young.

I love your idea about playing school at home, I’m definitely going to give that a go!

Jimbo

no he was born before

No advice but solidarity, I am going through the same with my DD. She's a bright, bubbly and excitable little girl, but no behavioural problems at home and nursery never raised any concerns either. She just can't seem to cope with the rules and structure yet and I get told she is running around shouting when she should be sitting quietly. But, like you, taking her out isn't an option. Meeting with the SENCO sounds like a good idea, I should probably request the same.