Is it a problem if my Reception child hasn't made solid friendships?

[Bigwig1]

Hi all, so DS started reception this September. I've always worried about him being a bit socially immature (if that's the right way to describe it) - he turned 4 in March, so not exactly the youngest or anything, but has always seemed to prefer the company of adults. Don't get me wrong he doesn't avoid interaction with kids his age, I think he just interacts with whoever is playing with what he wants to play with rather than seeking out a particular friend! So basically, he talks to everybody, but there's nobody specific he's aligned to. He's sweet and caring and thoughtful, just hasn't gotten to that stage yet where he's formed a close bond with anyone.

I know I'm probably worrying about absolutely nothing...I think my brain just goes a bit crazy and dramatises everything, so suddenly in my head he'll never have close friends and then my heart breaks! I'm heavily pregnant right now so this could be the hormones talking 😂

I've also noticed that when we see some kids from his class, just in the street for example, they'll wave at him and say his name and he'll then act really silly and hide behind me under my jumper! So he'll never say hi back!

What's important is he's really happy at school, really enjoys it and loves going in. None of this seems to bother him, it's just a me thing! But, if someone could share something positive it will hopefully make me feel a bit better!!

Thank you for reading!

It's totally normal to be honest. Some children may have made solid friendships by now but most are just getting to know each other and trying to navigate all the different new social interactions they have. They've only been in school 5-6 weeks.

Give it time.

I see we have the same child! Whenever we leave school there's loads running up shouting his name, and he clutches my arm and hides behind me 🤣 He had the same best friend from nursery for about 3 years (different school), and a couple of close friends there. He just takes a while to pick someone special I think. But he's well liked and doesn't say anything bad about people being mean.

I'd also describe mine as on the immature side with feelings. I'm not at all concerned, more excited (for him) for when he does pick someone special.

He’s only been at school five seconds! Half the kids in the class probably don’t remember the other kids’ names! Honestly, I know what it’s like to worry about your child’s friendships, but do not worry about this: as you say the big thing is that he’s going to school happily. The rest will come. Reception kids often don’t have solid friendships even later on in the year; for many kids that seems to come later

@overmydeadbody thank you, you are right all the kids are new to him and he has only been there 4 weeks! I will give it time and try and calm my brain down a bit!!

@Blessedbethefruitz thank you that has also made me feel a million times better! He did have a friend at preschool he absolutely loved, but that did take time too, so I think he will probably be the sort of person who takes their time with friendships and forms close bonds with a select few (and I'm the same to be honest!).

I worry it's me because at weekends we have fun at a family, we don't really do "clubs" and stuff, and I don't have many friends with similar aged kids. Having said that, he did go full time preschool 4 days a week, so I'm hoping my limited social interactions haven't have had too much of an impact!

I'd worry if he hasn't made 'solid friendships' by 14, not 4!

You have an unrealistic expectation.

Some of them are still biting other kids at reception age.

@MidnightOnceMore you are absolutely right and someone definitely needed to say that to me 😂

They’ve barely been in school a minute! DD says she doesn’t know everyone’s names yet, just a handful. She’s gone to a different school from a lot of her nursery friends and when they see each other in the street, they ALL do the “hiding in mum’s legs”/shy wriggle/sticking out tongue and making stupid noise/general idiocy even though they’ve known each other forever; let alone seeing kids she’s only known four weeks.

Remember they’ve suddenly got a new routine, PE days, uniform, book bags, homework, new environment, proper teaching, rules… DD has no brain left outside school – “I have to be good and it steals all my sensible” – she can barely walk in a straight line, I think expecting her to form friendships and recognise social cues outside school is a long way off.

Mine DD was like this the first couple of terms. Her teacher observed that DD would chose what activity she wanted and interact with whoever was there, rather than seeking out specific children. She’s year 6 now and she has good friendships that developed through common interests.

My son is exactly the same! I think it's just the way they are at this age. He tells me all the time that he has '100 friends' at school so I'm trying not to worry too much.

He’s so young shyness is normal and friendships are so fluid in the early school years. Try not to worry.

Don't worry, they don't usually really make firm friendships until they are a bit older. There's a lot for them to get used to and they're still very little.

Mine is turning 9 and in year 4 and this stuff is only just coming now. He is only just thinking about seeing kids out of school and talking about individuals. Some kids take their time.

Thank you everyone, this has helped a lot. For anyone where their child hasn't been all that interested in other kids, did you still do big birthday parties for them? DS has never been interested in having one (has enjoyed attending a few but has mostly just stuck to me during them), so we've always just kept things small and made a big fuss over him as a family. I thought I would probably try and do an all-class party in March for him, but I wonder whether that would actually be all that fun or if he'd just find it overwhelming, if he's just not there socially yet!

We dont do clubs either, I flexed my hours again to keep him from after school clubs. We are starting swimming soon though as he's been asking. And we're seeing his bestie this weekend - they're still asking about each either via mums.

Mine is more interested in the activites and learning to write than the children so far, and that's just fine :) He'll find children on his wavelength eventually.

His little sister alas is now in nursery 5x full days, which we may cut down to a few school days after Christmas, but he desperately needs some alone time with me as she's a big mama hog and still breastfeeding.

Nope. No big parties. He’s had a handful
over for pizza and cake but even 4 kids singing happy birthday used to be too o overwhelming for him. Don’t feel any pressure on that front. Mine has never gone to other peoples parties either.

I’ve just fine with the flow and let him lead while gently pushing him a little out of his comfort zone when it felt right.

All total normal 4 year old behaviour. Trust me, it's much better for them to be content in the company of all their peers at this age rather than being attached to one or two children in particular.

Kids with best friends in Reception often change those best friends 10 times over throughout the year and it causes nothing but heartache every time someone decides they're not their best friend any more.

Even as an adult I hate bumping into people I know unexpectedly when out and about and can clearly remember reacting in the same way to your son as a young child if I saw a classmate out of school. So many kids do. I don't think you have anything to worry about.