Wrap around care

[niclw]

My dc started reception class this September and has settled into the class very well. They are enjoying learning phonics and is receiving the stimulation that was missing at nursery. DC is one of the oldest in the class. I'm a single parent and unfortunately have to work full time so my dc attends wrap around care at the school. However every day when I collect my dc from the after school club I am getting reports of poor behaviour. I have no illusion that my child is perfect but the things they are describing to me are minor in my opinion but they are making it sound like they are the most awful child they've ever had to deal with. His class teacher had reassured me that everything in class is good and there are no problems I need to be aware of. It has now reached a point that after 5 weeks my child does not want to attend wrap around care. Every morning is a battle to get there. Examples of behaviour as I said are small things like not sharing toys, not following instructions first time etc. As a teacher myself although secondary I wouldn't class these as behaviours those where a visit to the headteachers office are needed. Apparently they would have been in his office today had the head been on site. If I had another option I wouldn't send them to wrap around anymore as dc is so unhappy. But there are no childminders operating out of the school so I have no choice if I wish to keep a roof over our heads. I am now lying in bed in tears not knowing what to do next. I'm considering speaking to the headteacher in the morning as he is always around at breakfast club but it seems so petty to bring him into such small behaviours. Any ideas?

Imagine if all the children in wraparound care wouldn't share or wouldn't do as they were asked. It would be chaos. By using wraparound care you are subscribing to their behaviour policy which is there to ensure every child has a good start to the day.

If you want bespoke care, you need a nanny to take him to school, instead.

I have no problem with their behaviour policy and I did not suggest that I require any bespoke care! My concern is that they seem to be singling out my dc for such small minor behaviour. As I mentioned I am a teacher myself and I would not be requesting the headteacher to deal with lack of sharing. It seems very severe. I spoke to the class teacher when the wrap around care started speaking to me a couple of weeks back and the teacher said that my child is getting on well in class and that they are behaving like a typical reception class child. She said that all reception class children take about a term to get used to the new routines and rules. I don't expect the wraparound care to let my child get away with murder. I just thought they would be better at managing behaviour than going to the head.

It's been a few weeks since the beginning of term and yet they are reporting that he isn't sharing and isn't responding to their instructions. When do you expect him to start doing this? How do you think the children he won't share with feel? Do you think it helps them start their day well or look forward to going to wraparound care? When would you expect the head to get involved? If he isn't doing as he is asked and everyone else is disrupted because of it, how long do you expect them to have to deal with it for before involving the head?

Would you put up with it from a student in your school if you saw no change in their behaviour?

You're leaving your very small child with virtual strangers. Of course you're going to worry. No harm in raising it with the head if you're going to pasd them anyway.

I would suggest a discussion with the wraparound lead to agree a strategy to help DS manage a bit better. Could he maybe be supported to get a drink and snack, go to the loo and have a little rest in the book corner straight after school? Have a little routine to make sure his needs are being met and he had time and space to transition to this next part of his day. Maybe then a favourite activity that he does every day. Or whatever things you think might help - my son's autistic and these are our "go to"s of what to tick off when he gets overwhelmed without knowing why. A child this young, autistic or not, can't always identify what they need or sort themselves out even if they know where everything is. Actioning it all when you're tired can still be tricky.

YABU. They’re telling you there is a problem. Listen to them.

different idea's what is his breakfast? is he going in tired?
how "long" is his school day? is he the oldest at the breakfast club? what do they actually do there (he might be bored or equally just want quiet time)?

Have you tried speaking to your son? My child is also in reception (summer born) and, although he's a bit younger than your DC, would definitely be able to tell me why he's not enjoying it. Obviously you have to be careful not to take their word as gospel as kids misinterpret things and can exaggerate but your DC might be able to say if he's feeling left out, bored etc. I'd there's a reason, work with the school to resolve the issue. If he can't tell you why he's not sharing/listening to the teachers, remind him that he needs to folllow the rules. Be supportive of the school and tell them you'll speak to him/keep reminding him of behaviour expectations. Maybe implement a reward chart at home to encourage following instructions, listening and sharing to make sure your son knows that you're communicating with school and are both on the same side; it's important that he sees you working together.

Thank you for the helpful replies. I am 100% supporting them with regards to the behaviour and have sanctioned at home accordingly. I have been talking to my child everyday about their behaviour (good and bad) and boredom may be the answer. They are saying that they don't have any friends at wraparound. Obviously if they are being unkind, not sharing etc no one will want to be friends. After having slept on it I'm wondering whether the problem may be linked to a change of routine between being in class and then a less structured routine in wrap around and not having the transition time. It probably doesn't help that some children are only there for an hour after school so they change locations once the numbers are smaller and sit down to eat tea more or less straight away. I mentioned to the class teacher back in June (so months before he started) that I am concerned their is some kind of additional need but I just can't put my finger on it. So IF there is some kind of need linked to transition this may be part of it.

Thank you for this suggestion. They have breakfast at home in the morning and then has it again when they get to breakfast club. However, hunger after school may be an issue. I might try sending an extra snacks for them to have after school. They are telling me that lunch is being eaten so I can only assume that it is.

If you had read my post properly I have said that I know there is a problem because my child has not been happy at wrap around. Also, from what my child sees I 100% support them and sanction/ reward behaviour accordingly. My worry is that they don't seem to be able to cope with smaller behaviour issues and why these behaviour issues have arisen now when they are not being reported by the teachers during the day. I have contacted the teacher a couple of times to check in with them as the child they are describing to me is not the child I know.

Thank you for your reply. I have already raised concerns with my child's teacher about possible SEN issues and did this back in June. I think a meeting with the provider may be the way forward to help with the transition times.

Is it not because he is young and tired from school??
My daughter is the same age and wouldn't be able to cope with all the stimulation. Especially towards the end of the week when she's starting to get tired.
There is only 3 of us at hope so it's pretty quiet and that's the way she likes it.
She enjoys school! But does like her alone time afterwards. If she doesn't get that or she is overtired she is a nightmare.

Is there any provision for them have a relaxing routine after school.

Interesting update. If you can I would try to take the pressure off with quizzing him after school about behaviour and friends. Let him decompress a bit, at most ask him what he had for lunch or what games he played. Don't ask him what his favourite this or that was either, just factual stuff and as little as you can bring yourself to ask. He is 4 (or just 5), SO little still. My son used to come home and just sit on my lap watching TV for half an hour, leaning up against me if I was lucky. No talking. He is not at all a hugger but I think this was his way of decompressing after all the social input of the day.

At wraparound your son doesn't need the pressure of making friends. In a mixed age setting especially the older ones will tend to take care of the little ones a bit anyway. Relationships will come later after he is engaged in the activities - staff should be supporting him in engaging and maybe that will lead to playing alongside and develop from there. Settings vary but there should be lots of grace and support for a YR.

If it's after school that the behaviour is a problem, I would guess that it's mainly just that he's tired. Mine used to have meltdowns after school if I didn't get her home and in front of a DVD with a snack - and this recurred at the start of every term until she was well into KS2! They may just need to find a way to give him a bit of quiet time on his own, so he doesn't have to interact with other kids for a bit.

Thank you for you replies. I very much appreciate the suggestions and kind comments. As a single parent I don't have anyone to bounce ideas off when I get home and my parents are currently on holiday so I couldn't ring them either so these comments have been helpful to help me process a way forward.

I thought tiredness may be an issue as well. Particularly as they have slept longer this week. The wraparound care have a lot of Year R children attending wrap around this year which is apparently unusual so maybe the staff their need to find a new strategy for allowing time for the youngest children to decompress. I still intend on arranging a meeting with the wraparound care manager as I want to talk strategies to support too. They have a shorter and longer session so I may see if I can change duties at my own school to allow me to leave earlier a few days a week.

We've changed our routine at home in the last couple of weeks too so my child now has their bath as soon as we get in (rather than later in the evening) and then we cuddle up on the sofa with a book or to programme or simply play with a puzzle so hopefully this will help too.