DS2 Year 1 two subsets below average ....extremely upset

[elfsmum]

parents evening tonight, teacher explaining his targets to me and looking very worried, his end of year targets are to be at 1c.

Then went on to explain that he is quite immature, he uses immature words for his age (he'll be 6 this month) and that they were borderline about doing an EIA or IEA (some sort of individual action plan)

I then looked at his work and got the shock of my life, his literacy book was a succession of letters with not one recognisable word.

all of the notes in his book saying how with help his could do his work, and from what I gather from the teachers he has a lot of 1 on 1 when a parent helper is in.

they then went on to tell me what a lovely boy he is, and when he talks about his family the love shines out of him.

we discussed how some of his speech is immature (he says nana instead of banana), and he's still wet at night (reward chart in place no effect) and he goes to bed with a mass of teddies around him.

they've said they don't think it's a specific problem, just maturity, but he needs a lot of patience and work to catch up, if he doesn't it will be very obvious next year.

I feel like I've really failed him, I was crying when I left the class room, me and DH ended up having a row, he would sooner have a "thick happy child" than a sad intelligent one, which is a really great sentiment when I feel so responsible for not sitting with him more

not noticing how far behind he was, and generally letting him get on with enjoying being a little boy

I'm crying whilst I write this I really feel like cr@p - he's such a happy little boy, and chatty with a fabulous imagination, and I can't even begin to explain how much I feel like I've failed him

and btw this wasn't a guilt trip by the teachers, they were trying to be supportive - it was just a massive realisation by me

what experience do others have, can he catch up ? what can I do to help him ?

Oh please forget the sub-set. He's still very young, keep him playing, encourage him with shopping lists etc if you think he enjoys it.

The lightbulb will go on in its own good time.

Like Yurt says, an IEP is just giving him the support he needs where he needs it. And that's great.

And my 8 y-o has a HEAP of teddies on his bed. And he's well cool.

Maturity isn't about not having teddies, it's about preparedness to learn, in this context. And that will come in good time.

That's your boy!

he'll be fine!

just remember, reading and writing are skills to be learned - the kids that are flying ahead now aren't necessarily the ones who will be academic successes... Imagination and application are so important as well. Look at it as learning to ride a bike?

I know its difficult to hear that your child is struggling a little but children do mature at different rates.

I think it is really positive that school are talking in terms of an IEP (Individual Educational Plan). These plans have 3 - 5 small step targets that should be specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timed. They are a good way to ensure he continues to make progress. School are obviously supporting him as are you at home.

My ds really works well with the letter pages that you can download free from sparklebox - took time but they have really helped his writing.

I'm surprised that he isn't already on an intervention programme. Either a one-to-one session every day with the TA or a group session 2 or 3 times a week.

If he's that far behind why hasn't it been flagged up to you before?

As others have said don't beat yourself up about it but work with the school and ask for ideas to help him. It doesn't sound like it bothers him so don't let him see how this has affected you.

Good luck

"DS2 wasn't even crawling I got really worried then over a two week period he skipped crawling and got up and walked"

i.e THAT'S your boy! (forgot to paste)

My 7 year old has a dinosaur, a badger, a dog, a bear and a tattered old silk scarf in bed with him every night. My 12 year old has a bear and a monkey that she even takes on sleepovers.

He'll get there - you have made a lovely boy. You can always catch up with academic work, you can't catch up on love and security and happinesss!

My DS is 12 and described as a very mature young man by his teacers, still has 2 teddies in his bed at night!

Teddies galore in the Quattro household and they are 9&7 and are seriously cool and have ipods and everything

Oh and don't beat yourself up, no need.

thank you all

made a bit of a fool of myself and ended up really upset and crying in front of my boss this morning

he was really understanding and his wife is a SN teacher, he's asked if I'd like a chat to reassure me

work plan is to gently help DS2 and do things he enjoys that will enhance his skills and then hopefully like the walking, he'll just be up and off.

my first thread that's ever reached more than one page, testament to how supportive MN is when one of us is really worried

thanks again xx

Oh, I do hope you're feeling a bit more cheerful.

Your ds sounds just like mine. Lovely boy, but very babyish and slow to cope with reading and writing, has been on supportive schemes at school since Reception. At first, I was a bit taken aback, as we are a very academic family, but the teachers reassured me that there was nothing wrong with him that he just needed to develop at his own pace. Being in a lower set has helped him as he hasn't been made to feel inferior by his mates, but has been able to stick with work he has a chance of doing.

He is now in Year 3, still slow, still in the lower sets, but I can see definite signs that he is getting ready to take off.

Sorry, submitted before I'd finished the post. I just wanted to say that we made a point of not blaming ourselves and not pushing ds any more than we would have done if he had seemed more proficient. We thought having a happy childhood was by far more important than ending up in top set.

And as for your ds sleeping with teddies- no doubt half his class do that and their parents just don't tell the teacher. My dd's bed looks like Marvell Zoo and she is an unusually mature 11yo.

Also, no knowing who will be in top set in 3 years time- dd's class has seen some definite surprises!