DH and I are separating - DS's Reception teacher thinks he will find the change in schools hard.

[fedupandisolated]

Help! DH and I are separating for a while as I cannot cope any longer with his chatline addiction. I am moving 170 miles away to be with my family - am moving in with Mum and Dad for a while and sister/brother and their families will all be around as well.
My biggest anxiety in all this is DS - he's only just 5 and I love him to bits (as does his Dad). I have a very hard start at school myself due to my own parent's acrimonious divorce - my "Dad" is actually my stepdad who has been a fantastic father to me since age 7.
Between the ages of 5-6 though I attended 4 different primary schools due to parent's divorce - so the last thing in the world I want to do is disrupt DS who is so settled in his school.
However, the current situation is hideous and if I am to support DH in tackling his problem I need to be near my own family so that I can get support too. DH cannot understand this and is refusing to come with us - hence I am going back on my own.
Today DS's Reception teacher phoned me to suggest we meet after school and discuss the move as she wants to look at different strategies to help DS with the transition. She thinks DS will find the change hard to cope with and tbh this has left me in tears as it's my biggest concern. She is ringing his new school now and is going to try and speak to the Reception teacher who will be teaching DS in order to suggest different ways of helping DS with the transition. I am now feeling incredibly guilty.
DS is my first and only child as I had terrible problems conceiving. So I am a bit OTT about him as you can imagine. He's still my baby and I still want to protect him from the horrors of life - now I feel I am inflicting a horror on him and can't stop crying about it.
Please - is there any reassurance out there? Any positive stories needed so I can focus on the good and not the bad. All my family will be there to make a fuss of him - all his cousins live there so he'd have loads of extra playmates and my in-laws will be less than 20 mins away as well.

Bump

He is little and children can be surprisingly adaptable at this stage. If it is unavoidable-(which it sounds like it is) then I think you should take the school's offer of finding strategies together to lessen the impact for him. It sound like you have a very caring teacher. Wnat to bump this for you

Yes - DS's teacher is fabulous. If I could pick the school up and moce it I would.

my nephew moved schools last year (age 6) and was absolutely FINE. They make friends easily at this age and schools are great at buddying them up with other children and intergrating them.
also, my bf is a psychiatrist(sp?) who said that studies show children who change school under 8 adapt excellently with little short term effects.

Try to be positive around him regarding the move and dont let him pick up on your anxieties. That would be my best advice

What is your longer term view (in as much as it is possible to have one)?

is your move permanent, and DH will join you if things work out in due course, or would you go back if he claims to have beaten his addiction and habits? What would happen then if it all fell through again? I think one move would be fine, i think one 'temporary' move would be fine , i.e 'we're going to live near your cousins for a few months and then will come back to your old school', but moving back and forth, and between several schools, along with a changing relationship with his dad, could be v upsetting - as you found it.

If it is the one move you are planning, then it will probably be easier than you imagine. I would have my heart in my mouth, but millions of MN-ers have testified to children adapting and fitting in v quickly. The separation from his dad might cause some upset, though.

It is a brave and strong thing you are doing and good to have your family around. Good luck.

Agree with chipkid, his teacher sounds lovely and very kind. I think ds will handle it much better if you try to relax. If he picks up on your anxiety he will get more anxious. Try to treat it as a perfectly normal and acceptable thing, he will take his cues from you.

Thanks everyone - am so anxious about it. Will try to relax about things a bit. Once he has settled into school I will feel much happier. I have actually gone off sick from work so that I can be up here earlier in order to help in settle in. I am hoping to have a few weeks of just taking him to school and picking him up - once I know he has settled I will feel fine.

It is one move I am planning - no desire to go back if DS has settled.

Good luck with your changes - I personally think it is better to make the break when children are younger.

My best friends DH took his own life last year - it was an horrendous time for her. Her circle of friends rallied round and she has done so well. About three weeks after DH died she had their third child. Her middle child is 5 and is, obviously, heartbroken. My friend has explained everything to her and they sat and talked endlessly... the outcome of all this is her DD is doing very well now - arguing, being cheeky, playing with her friends - you know all the normal stuff

I think you have to be as honest as possible with your DS. Remember - try not to disrespect his daddy in front of him (bite your tongue and try not to) go over yours and DS plans to make sure he understands and be prepared for 1,000,000 questions.

Good luck love and pat on the back for a wonderful teacher - they are few and far between.