Mum clique

[elsieandthepooch]

Last year we had a few play dates with a another little girl who was in DD's reception class as well as a 3 way play date. The girls all get on really well and I thought that us mums had too. When we had the last play date we said let's do it again. Anyway, it turns out that the other 2 mums have been meeting up for play dates and coffee and not invited us. I know that I have no right to expect to be asked, but it is a little hurtful. Earlier this week DD and I were walking behind them on the way home after a parents' meeting and when I tried to join in the conversation I was talked over and ignored. The other mum then got into the other mum's car and asked her DD that was she excited for her play date. My DD obviously overheard this and was a little hurt not to have been asked.

This morning at drop off DD went over to one of the little girls to try and play and she turned her back on DD, which hurt DD again. Then this evening waiting on the playground at pick up one of them pushed right past myself to go and give the other a hug. I am going to just keep a bit of distance now as it is obvious that one of these mums is desperate to be friends with the other one. Is it always like this?

No.

I've picked dc up from 4 different schools over the years, and I have never, ever come across these 'cliques'. That's over time from when my eldest started Nursery until the youngest left Primary.

However, I grasp that sometimes adults just 'click' with one another and become friends. Also, there will be other adults who already knew each other - might even go back years. There will be other adults who become more friendly simply because they walk to and home from school together. Others will be closer because they share a hobby or interest or because they work in a similar job or because they both are SAHP. That's fine. Other parents being closer friends than they happen to be with you is fine and normal - just the same as when you are at work, some colleagues just 'click' and become good friends whereas mostly people just get along and are pleasant to one another but don't develop particularly close relationships with anyone.

Many (most ?) dc have different friends during their time in Primary school. Just because your dd wanted "sophie" round to play in Reception a couple of times, doesn't mean that she is going to play with "Sophie" forevermore. Even is she does remain friends with "Sophie", it doesn't mean that "Sophie"'s Mum has to be friends with you.

Remember school is about your dc. Many parents aren't there to look for friends for themselves.

I have never experienced any cliques either. I talked to people I wanted to talk to at the gates-they were sometimes the friends of my child, but often not.

They're not in a clique, they're just good friends with each other.

You do get cliques of mums sometimes, who have something in common and the same values, and tend to exclude other people on purpose. The best thing to do is to make kinder and more inclusive friends elsewhere.

Thank you. It is just a little hurtful as I thought the girls (and us) had all got on, but obviously they didn't feel they got on well enough with me. I'm more hurt for DD.

@elsieandthepooch yup, I have experienced this before. Some mums are weird. My dd had a friend that always wanted to spend time w her and it was quite clear when I saw them at school (school field trips and sports day etc). The girl was always wanting to be around my dd and there was another girl that was not as much around. Anyway, the girl who was not much around has a mum that was desperate for her dd to be friends w the other girl so she did something to get the other girls mum against my dd. Anyway, the other mum kept pushing the other girl in and trying to exclude my dd. Eventually, my dd and the other girl drifted apart, but not a problem as my dd has other friends. I don't really care if friends naturally drift apart. But I find it strange when mums try desperately try to get involved pushing friendships.

I understand you feel sad for your dd. I would just encourage other friendships.