DD (4.5) crying about school because boy in her class has hit her.....please help...

[fondant4000]

Our 4 yr old dd has been hit 3 times in as many weeks by the same boy in her class

It always starts as a disagreement over an answer - "it's a sandcastle" "no it isn't". DD is insistent (because she knows it's the correct answer), the boy gets angry and hits her (several times on the head with his fist).

So far we have told her to tell the teacher. Unfortunately she has had 3 different teachers in her first term at school. Her class teacher is head of reception and is often helping in other classes, so dd's class get her sometimes and other teachers other days. Her class teacher has not experienced an incident yet. She has agreed to keep an eye on them and make sure thay are not together on the reading mat (I get the feeling he follows her about). Yet today (new teacher) she said he was sitting next to her.

DD loved school when she started, now she is in tears every day and having nightmares every night.

She has been off school a lot due to illnesses, and I'm worried that she is going to be singled out (tho' she does have some good friends in the class)

My Dh wants to hit the boy's parents....

I am now trying to encourage her to stand up for herself. She won't hit, and I don't want her to, but I'm asking her to stand firmly, put her hand out and say 'no' loudly if he goes to hit her again. She says she can't. So I'm going to try and role play it with her.

Is there anything I can do to help her? How can she get the confidence to feel OK about school, and to say 'no'? She has said that although she cannot say 'no' loudly she could say it firmly

Any advice please - we're really worried that she 's getting off to a bad start...

hi Fondant - it's not clear whether you've spoken to teacher or just told your dd to. I think you need to go yourself just so that it's been noted. It doesn't have to be a big fuss or accusatory, but let them know.

Although you have told dd to tell the teacher, she is only four and may not feel she can stand up to the boy without a grown-ups backing.

Aww poor little girl.

If I were in you situation, having already spoken to the teacher(s) in her class I would now approach the head. This isn't good enough, they must have a bullying policy and they need to put it into practice as this repeated behaviour is (imo) unacceptable.

For your little girl I would recommend this book here

It covers a number of topics including bullying. I read it with DD regularly. I really hope this gets sorted out, I really feel for you and your daughter and don't blame your husband for feeling as he does

Some advice on here recently was to get the child to say "No, don't hit me, I don't like it" I think the hope being that an adult nearby would overhear and step in which would be less likely if they just hear 'No"
Firmly sounds good to me!

My DD is just 5 and we have talked about reacting like this if anything arises but luckily it hasn't yet. I really feel for you and your DD though.

"My Dh wants to hit the boy's parents"

He is 4.5!!! That is such an excellent response...

IME you will never get to the bottom of who started what in the playground and this is part of school. There will be arguments and fights all through school. Try to get DD to build up some solid friendships with other children and you are right to teach her to stand up for herself.

Meemar, yes I have spoken to her class teacher. She has not seen an incident yet - but said she would keep an eye on dd.

Thanks for the support - it breaks my heart to see how keen she was at the start of term, and now how unhappy she is

The little boy is probably not doing anything malicious, just finding it hard to control his temper at school.

I agree that getting her to say 'No I don't like it' so that teacher can hear is the way to go. It will also be good for her in the future. But at the moment I'm finding it hard to get dd to do this......

Go in and see the teacher (Head of Reception) or the Head.

Imo, your dd needs to see that you have taken it seriously and that you want the school to take it seriously.

She's too little to sort it out for herself.

Thanks Angharad - We have been to see the teacher so that dd knows that we want to do something about it and that the situation can be changed if she tells us.

Do you really think she is too small to say 'no'? - dh and I are not sure if it is asking too much of her, or if it's OK to keep telling her to do it!

What can a teacher do about it?

Yes your dd is too little to sort it out for herself. You need to go and tell the teacher what's happened EVERY TIME HE DOES IT but in my experience of having 3 children, the only thing that really works is speaking to the parents, sorry, probably not what you want to hear.

fondant - great to encourage her to say no when the boy hits her, but imo you need to back her up by telling the school every time it happens.

Have no problem speaking to the parents - I could probably even be reasonable. But is it OK to do that? i always get the impression you have to do it all through the school...

Ermmm I probably wouldn't let dh speak to them....

McDreamy - thanks for the book recommendation. I'll see if I can find a copy.

As well as sorting out what's happening now, I'd really like to be doing something that will help in the future.

She was so confident when she started, I'm so cross that this little boy is ruining it

I think you should talk to the teacher straight away, your dd is far too young to defend herself and she shouldn't have to.

Something similar happened to my DD when she was 4, the teacher were very good in dealing with the situation, they punished the boy by telling him off in front of the whole class and they made him sit on the naughty chair for 5 minutes. The teacher also told the boy?s parents what has happened, so that they can talk to him at home and explain to him why it was wrong to hit another child.