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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Original poster

Am I worrying unnecessarily?

10 replies

Iamwaiting · 17/09/2023 10:59

My little girl started school last week and is fortunately loving it. However every break time, plus before and after school all she will play with is a child in Y2 that she already knows.

This child is absolutely lovely, but is autistic so doesn’t have many of her own friends, so according to her mum is delighted to have my DD to play with now.
I’ve suggested to my DD that she makes some friends in her own class but she has no interest, and the older girl seeks her out whenever she can. I’m good friends with her mum but she would be really hurt if I gently asked her to get her to stay away. She’s also an only child so knocks on constantly wanting to play with my DD after school. Which I’m normally fine with!

Am I worrying over nothing? I just don’t want all her peers to be making friends with each other and she miss her chance.
My DH says I’m being ridiculous and I should just be glad she is happy.

OP posts:
Savagecabbage101 · 17/09/2023 11:09

It’s very early days. You can encourage play dates with class mates when you get to know some other mums. If it is still bothering you closer to Christmas, you could as the teacher to keep an eye and help promote new friendship in the classroom. Good luck, it sounds like she’s a lovely balanced child and will be just fine.

BoleynMemories13 · 17/09/2023 17:36

It's not like by playing with this girl at lunchtime she won't make friends in her own class too. This other girl isn't in her classroom, so she she'll have plenty of opportunities to mix with her peers and make friends with them too.

Once she has, she'll naturally start to play with her classmates on the playground too (and how lovely for the Year 2 girl with autism if your daughter still includes her in their games too, if she doesn't have many friends of her own).

Honestly, it's completely normal for children to seek out older children they already know on the playground when they first start Reception (siblings, cousins, neighbours etc), and the older children usually like to seek them out too to check they're ok and help them to settle.

I honestly wouldn't worry about it and I certainly wouldn't discourage it. Your daughter will make friends in her own class when she's good and ready. There's no such thing as 'missing the boat' when it comes to forming friendships in Reception. Friendships are constantly evolving at that age.

Original poster
Iamwaiting · 17/09/2023 17:48

Thank you both so much @BoleynMemories13 and @Savagecabbage101 for taking the time to reply. That's really put my mind at ease!

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SoulCaptain · 17/09/2023 18:12

What do you mean by ...'but is autistic? Do you only want your child to have non-ASD friends?

Original poster
Iamwaiting · 17/09/2023 18:36

@SoulCaptain not in the slightest, I couldn't care less if her friends are neurotypical or neurodivergent. I'd just like her to have some friends in her own year as well as this little girl.
The only reason I mentioned that she was autistic is that sadly (knowing her mum well) she hasn't always had the best time in making friendships. Hence she is happy to spend every break with my daughter despite being so much younger, which my daughter lovers too but as mentioned my concern was that this left no time for her to make friends in her own class during "playtime."

OP posts:
BendingSpoons · 17/09/2023 18:42

In Reception there is a lot of playing time in the classroom as well as at break times, so she probably has plenty of other opportunities to make friends in her class. Plus it's early days.

ButterflyBlush · 17/09/2023 22:28

Your reception child should spend most of the day playing indoors and outdoors with her new reception friends. If they mix with older children at lunchtime and break times, this is only a very small part of the day. Once your Dd has made friends, I'm sure she'll settle down with other reception children aswell as having this familiar face to play with too. I really wouldn't worry:

Samee20 · 31/10/2023 10:22

@Iamwaiting my daughter joined her school mid October last year in Reception because we moved places, I was so paranoid that friendships would already have begun but it wasn't the case at all, by January my daughter made 2 really good friends in her class, and some kids still never had any firm friendships by the end of the year. The point is your daughter will make friends with her peers in her own time, the outside playtime was very less and was usually with own peers as much as I remember. Y2 girl and your daughter both are seeking each other out as it's good for both of them. By December, hopefully your daughter would be more comfortable with her peers.

XmasDilemma1986 · 31/10/2023 18:34

For the first few months of Reception my DD only talked about the girls in Yr1 when I asked her who she'd played with. It worried me a little for the same reason as you- what if all the other Reception kids are forming friendships and my DD will be left out because she's spending all her time with these other girls? I was definitely worrying unnecessarily and you are too :-)

Original poster
Iamwaiting · 31/10/2023 21:41

Thank you @XmasDilemma1986 and @Samee20 Really reassuring replies ❤️

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