6 year old son being bullied

[crazycatlady93]

Not sure what to do, my son has come home every day this week from school and told me that he’s been hurt by a child in his class.

started off as being pushed over and smacking his nose on the ground (small nosebleed), to then him and his younger brother (4 years old, reception class) being attacked by this child at lunch time. They told me that the child grabbed my 4yo by the neck and dragged him to the ground. My 6yo told the kid to stop and the kid did the same to him and his class mates had to drag the child off my son. My sons told the teacher on duty who just said ‘tell me if it happens again.’
The next couple of days my 6yo was punched in the chest and yesterday he was punched in the face, the kid is apparently laughing whilst he’s hurting them.

I’ve spoken to the school numerous times this week, been told the child and his parents have been spoken to, and that he wouldn’t be having break/lunch outside. Also told they will be keeping a close eye on the kids. My son told me that yesterday the teachers were all in the classrooms and the kids were unsupervised outside when he was punched in the face, the kid shouldn’t have been outside in the first place!

im really not happy about sending my kids back in when they are being physically attacked and the school don’t seem to be resolving the issue.

my 4yo is being sick just at the thought of going into school because of what happened and my 6yo keeps blaming himself when it’s absolutely not his fault.
I need advice because I just don’t know what to do !!

When I’ve spoken to the teachers about this, they have said that three of the incidents have been witnessed by staff, not happy that I haven’t been directly told by the school about it but glad that my kids have told me and the school have witnessed it.
we had issues last year with my eldest when he was in reception, he was hit in class often by a couple of the kids, I sat down with the head teacher and it was resolved. Just doesn’t seem to be getting sorted this time around

Three of these incidents were witnessed by staff? Presumably you are saying they agreed with your DC version of events?
So I'd be going in for a meeting with the head to ask what is being done to address these incidents. It's not a one off and it should not be dismissed and the school should be taking this seriously and they should have informed you as well.
The head needs to explain what their policy is and why they are not handling this appropriately.

Yes, school confirmed with my sons version.
thank you, I’ll be taking the kids up to the office with me Monday morning and asking what is going to be done about it and how they are going to keep my boys safe

Just an update- I emailed the head who has responded say that the child chased my son and punched him in the nose and that it was a game. And my son laughed after being punched

not quite sure how punching someone in the face is a game to be honest. Really not happy and my son is in tears because he said he was crying not laughing and it wasn’t a game.

I would respond and say you would like a meeting to discuss this further as this differs from the version my son has told me. I would appreciate meeting you before I send my sons in as I am concerned for their safety and how you are safeguarding them.
Then write a log/diary of what happened and go through it at the meeting - you could send it in advance as this may give the head time to talk to staff first. Make notes against it, about whether the relevant policies have been followed with regard these incidents e.g. bullying and behaviour policy, and child on child abuse section of the safeguarding policy. Focus on what they are doing to keep your DS safe and what are the school doing to make them feel safe.

See what happens at the meeting to your next steps. If the head can’t meet with you tomorrow, I would ask for assurances and get them in writing that the DC is kept separate from your DC whilst you resolve things or ask to meet the deputy instead.

You could then escalate via the school complaints policy if you are not happy with the response.

Ah well he laughed.. Must have fucking loved it then. Bonkers. Schools don't deal with bullies correctly ime. Ever. Always let my dc push back. Then explain later it's self defence. Ds was hounded at secondary for 2 weeks as a new dc to the area and school.. He punched the ring leader back and the lad shook his hand later and all was well. School didn't even ring me until days later. They wouldn't have sorted it of that I am certain.. Get ds to practice shouting loudly Stop Leave Me Alone. So any teachers can hear as it is happening.. Awful start to the year op.

Punching in the face is not part of any game. It’s like putting hands around the neck, a behaviour that can have extreme consequences.

What are they doing to address the other child’s behaviour since it seems to be escalating out of control. Is your child the only one targeted ( they probably won’t tell you!)

Say you are not satisfied and will take it up with the board of governors

I'd be telling my child to whack him back tbh.

Don’t do this. If you want to make a complaint then follow the complaints policy which will be on the website. There are several steps you will have to take before going to the governors and it’s usually chair before governor panel. If you miss any steps out on the complaints policy then you’ll be asked to go back and go through them.

@crazycatlady93 there were 3 witnessed incidents! So it doesn't matter even if your son allegedly laughed at this one.
If your son was injured or hurt then it should be reported and you need to ask the Head what their policy is for this and what about the other incidents. Ask them for their bullying policy as well

The school sounds horribly ineffectual. I would be demanding to have a sit down meeting with the head to go through the bullying policy. I’d also instruct the six year old to smack the little shit back twice as hard if he ever comes near him again.

unleash hell. The school are not dealing with it. Demand a meeting with the head teacher and head of year. Write to the school governors. Demand they deal with this and take it seriously. Also raise concerns with ofsted and advise the school you have done so. Speaking from experience you need to be relentless.

Keep a diary of all events, dates, names and incident details, also the response you get from school when you contact them. Ask for a meeting with the head and show them your diary. Ask them how they are going to keep your child safe as they are knowingly letting a violent child into school which is a safe guarding issue that could/or will be reported to both police and Ofsted. Check their anti bullying policy which should be on their website. These measures may seem a bit extreme but trust me they work - bullying only gets worse as kids get older. I wish I had acted sooner and been 'that parent' that rings them for every push, shove, name calling, punch, kick or threat. Believe me I am 'that parent' now

How to complain effectively to schools is one of the most poorly understood topic on mumsnet and people wonder why schools don’t listen.

All schools have to have a complaints policy which is on their website.

1. Talk informally to the teacher about the issue. It is always best to try and sort things informally first.
2. If that doesn’t resolve things talk to the head/head of department/head of year as appropriate. Serious things may need to come straight in here. (Go to the most appropriate person saves time especially in a large secondary school.)
3. Now if that hasn’t resolved things, then complain formally to the head under the complaints policy and explain how you have tried to resolve things informally but it hasn’t worked. Highlight where policies haven’t been followed and also what sort of of resolution you want. The complaints policy will state time scales for responses as well.

If you‘re not happy with the result, then escalate as per the policy, it is usually head, chair of governors, governor panel 1, governor panel 2 and then you can complain to DfE. At this point, depending on the complaint, it could go to Ofsted as well, but it has to be about specific things.

Dealing with formal complaints under the policy is time consuming and most schools are keen to reach a resolution before it goes very far and ideally informally. You can’t by-pass the policy, you can’t skip stages. If anyone says they dealt with a complaint by going straight to Ofsted, governing body etc. and had a successful outcome then either the governing body aren’t properly trained (possible) or there are other things going on.

As a governor, I have no power to ‘deal with a complaint’ I can’t go in and demand that the head deals with a complaint that I only have the one side of. I can only respond at the appropriate point in the complaints policy and then I have to have no prior knowledge.

If the school is not taking your concerns seriously or is brushing you off, look at their complaints policy and contact the Governors. I have a similar predicament with my 5 year DD with another girl in her year. We are at the point where we are thinking of moving schools.

What happened today oP?

we don't have Ofsted in Scotland.