Difficult teacher

Mosurgia · 2023-09-15T19:33:57+00:00

Hi, I would really appreciate your help. My daughter has just started year 5. She has been in the same school for 2 years now and she is very happy. The school is nurturing and very stimulating and we are both happy. This year though her teacher comes from a different school and my daughter seems quite unhappy already. she comes back home saying that the teacher keeps shouting to everyone all the time. My daughter comes home quite stressed out every day. I am of course not happy especially because the class and my daughter are not exactly a problematic class. i would lime to bring up the issue with the school but not sure how to go about it. Shall I speak to the teacher but then I would not know what to say or shall I speak to the Headteacher? And what would I say? Also, I met the teacher and she did not seem to know anything about my daughter. I am a bit lost but I really want to bring this to the school attention as I can see my daughter is really unhappy. Thank you!

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vipersnest1 · 15/09/2023 20:42

Contact the head teacher and outline your concerns, asking for a meeting with them - those are my thoughts as a mum.
As a teacher (not primary, but I have worked in primary schools), it might be that the class has several challenging students and the teacher is establishing their expectations (although I would say shouting is never a good thing to do).
Either way, if your DD is conforming to what is expected of her, and she is upset, the teacher should be made aware.

Original poster

Mosurgia · 15/09/2023 21:44

Thank you so much. This is a lovely class of gentle, bright girls, nobody has ever created any problem. That’s why this attitude is even more out of place.
Thank you for the advice, I will speak to the head teacher and voice my concerns. I was not sure whether to try to speak to the teacher first but I agree that it might not be very productive.
Thanks again for taking the time to reply.

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scrollinginthedark · 15/09/2023 21:47

Also a teacher - primary - and just wondering if the teacher is just unfortunately loud! Is she actually shouting shouting or is she just a very loud teacher who goes on and on ... I know a few!

Original poster

Mosurgia · 15/09/2023 21:57

@scrollinginthedark I do not think this is the case unfortunately. I met her at the parent evening and I went to introduce myself but she interrupted me abruptly and asked me to put the name tag on. I have the impression that being new in the school she is trying to set the tone and she is confusing leadership with authority.

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Romiii · 15/09/2023 22:03

my ds had a scarily angry teacher once. She was on a knife edge and all over the place mentally. Kids were extremely vulnerable to her abusive behaviour. I flagged this up with the head who was defensive and unhelpful. Wrote to the governors and was on the cusp of contacting LA when she was removed from her post. More things had come to light.

Primproperpenny · 15/09/2023 22:05

Trust your gut. I don’t regret moving schools for mine at all. Some people just shouldn’t be teachers!

BalletBob · 15/09/2023 22:13

It doesn't really matter whether she's shouting in anger or "unfortunately loud". Her behaviour is causing a young child to feel unhappy and stressed in her care. That's not OK and she needs to adjust her communication style. Teachers should be capable of setting expectations and dealing with discipline without leaving a child feeling like this. If they can't, they're not fit for the job.

I would have a conversation with her initially, but you will need to be prepared to be strong in your approach and lead the conversation. If you meet resistance from her or nothing changes immediately, straight to the headteacher.

Original poster

Mosurgia · 15/09/2023 23:21

@Romiii this is scary. Thanks for sharing this.

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Original poster

Mosurgia · 15/09/2023 23:24

@Primproperpenny I agree they shouldn’t but the school and the other teachers are seriously lovely…

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NancyJoan · 15/09/2023 23:24

Sounds horrible. I would def flag with the head. No need to make a huge fuss, just say that for the first time your DD is not happy in school, is coming home stressed and talking about being scared. And leave it with them.

Original poster

Mosurgia · 15/09/2023 23:30

@BalletBob I have the feeling that a conversation with her will not take me too far but I probably need to before I go straight to the headteacher. Thank you

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Original poster

Mosurgia · 15/09/2023 23:33

@All Just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to respond. This really helped. I will take this further with the school. Thanks again.

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scrollinginthedark · 17/09/2023 07:16

BalletBob · 15/09/2023 22:13

It doesn't really matter whether she's shouting in anger or "unfortunately loud". Her behaviour is causing a young child to feel unhappy and stressed in her care. That's not OK and she needs to adjust her communication style. Teachers should be capable of setting expectations and dealing with discipline without leaving a child feeling like this. If they can't, they're not fit for the job.

I would have a conversation with her initially, but you will need to be prepared to be strong in your approach and lead the conversation. If you meet resistance from her or nothing changes immediately, straight to the headteacher.

Obviously not a teacher. I'd love to see you come and teach some of the classes I've had and keep all 33 children on task, happy and safe from minute one of day one. Never making a mistake, never speaking in a voice louder than you would in your own living room.
I'm not condoning the teacher the op is talking about, but kids have changed. Teaching is tough and parents have no idea what is happening in classrooms. Before taking the teacher to the guillotine, some form of understanding is also helpful.

Op, I really hope you get it sorted. There used to be a saying of don't smile until Christmas which the teacher appears to have read and not realised it doesn't fit or post covid world

TheYearOfSmallThings · 17/09/2023 07:26

I would probably just keep an eye on it for another week or so - it is very early in the year and everyone is still settling in. If you are close to a few other class parents ask them how their children are finding this teacher.

I wouldn't expect a teacher to have much knowledge of individual pupils at this stage of the year, unless there were special needs etc.

MintJulia · 17/09/2023 07:38

We had this with ds' year 1 teacher. Lots of shouting. DS was miserable & nervous, as were a lot of the other kids. We raised it with the school who weren't surprised. The teacher in question was not coping, at breaking point but had been in the school a number of years and they were trying to support her.

She left the following summer for a non-teaching job and the whole school breathed a sigh of relief.

It can be difficult.

Mummy08m · 17/09/2023 08:32

I'm a teacher (not primary) and agree with Ballet bob that I would try and speak to the teacher first, ideally in person, and when she's not busy/distracted.

I would frame it like this:

"My dd is struggling with the transition from year X to year Y. I think part of it is adjusting to your different teaching style and getting to know you and finding you approachable. I don't know what the solution is but I want to let you know in case you can think of solutions"

The benefit of this is that she'll feel you're on her side. She'll want to make things better.

If you tell the Head, even if you ask to keep it anonymous, the teacher will find out it was you. As a professional she'll still treat your dd the same but subconsciously she'll be on eggshells in every interaction with dd and your dd will pick this up and they'll never warm to each other. For a whole year.

Mummy08m · 17/09/2023 08:34

Do not try to get the teacher fired as some pp are implying might be the outcome. It is unlikely to be the outcome and, for the reasons I've explained above, your dd will be indirectly affected if her teacher is constantly feeling on eggshells and defensive around her.

LolaSmiles · 17/09/2023 08:37

I would frame it like this:

"My dd is struggling with the transition from year X to year Y. I think part of it is adjusting to your different teaching style and getting to know you and finding you approachable. I don't know what the solution is but I want to let you know in case you can think of solutions"

Also a teacher and I agree.

I think sometimes some parents and students forget that everyone has different teaching styles and it doesn't necessarily mean there's something wrong with the teacher or the student.

Shinyandnew1 · 17/09/2023 08:39

Mosurgia · 15/09/2023 21:44

Thank you so much. This is a lovely class of gentle, bright girls, nobody has ever created any problem. That’s why this attitude is even more out of place.
Thank you for the advice, I will speak to the head teacher and voice my concerns. I was not sure whether to try to speak to the teacher first but I agree that it might not be very productive.
Thanks again for taking the time to reply.

Is this a private school? Single sex is unusual at state primary.

I would maybe have a chat with the class teacher and explain your DD is unhappy.

Also, I met the teacher and she did not seem to know anything about my daughter.

I wouldn’t expect much else here in week two of the autumn term, tbh! How many are in the class?

Ivebeentogeorgia · 17/09/2023 09:02

Mummy08m · 17/09/2023 08:32

I'm a teacher (not primary) and agree with Ballet bob that I would try and speak to the teacher first, ideally in person, and when she's not busy/distracted.

I would frame it like this:

"My dd is struggling with the transition from year X to year Y. I think part of it is adjusting to your different teaching style and getting to know you and finding you approachable. I don't know what the solution is but I want to let you know in case you can think of solutions"

The benefit of this is that she'll feel you're on her side. She'll want to make things better.

If you tell the Head, even if you ask to keep it anonymous, the teacher will find out it was you. As a professional she'll still treat your dd the same but subconsciously she'll be on eggshells in every interaction with dd and your dd will pick this up and they'll never warm to each other. For a whole year.

I agree with this op.

also I wouldn’t expect the teacher to know your daughter well just yet with it only being a couple of weeks into the new year.

additionally (and I’m not condoning the teachers shouting), year 5 and 6 is often where children’s behaviours do change due to hormones and some of the gentle children might be becoming more hormonal and therefore more tricky to deal with than previously. However, it’s not okay that your daughter feels upset at school so still flag it as soon as you can

Original poster

Mosurgia · 17/09/2023 10:25

@Shinyandnew1 yes it’s an independent selective school and the class is extremely receptive and respectful.

The teacher comes from a difficult State school and uses expressions like “if they lie”. She has obviously not taken time to understand the very different “audience” she is dealing with.

I understand and respect the teachers point of view on this thread and I always had the approach suggested here but this teacher does not seem to be very understanding.

During the introductory evening I went to introduce myself and she abruptly interrupted my attempt to introduce myself as I had no name tag.

I am not trying to get her fired but I want the head to be aware of her style so different from the rest of the school.

I cannot say my daughter is struggling with the transition because it’s not really true and I know for experience that this will be the only think she would focus on. My daughter loves school, she is actually disappointed when the school ends in July so for her to be stressed is very unusual.

Thank you All for your help, I really appreciate you taking the time. I will take on all your comments and approach it with both the teacher and the head.

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Shinyandnew1 · 17/09/2023 10:31

The teacher comes from a difficult State school and uses expressions like “if they lie”.

Sorry, I don’t really understand what you mean here?

Original poster

Mosurgia · 17/09/2023 10:34

@scrollinginthedark I agree with you that it’s the most difficult job however this is a small class in a selective school where every girl is highly respectful or otherwise she would not be there, at least not for long..

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Original poster

Mosurgia · 17/09/2023 11:09

@Shinyandnew1 she refers to the girls as she does not trust them telling the truth. She wants the parents to confirm.
until now the school has encouraged the girls to communicate directly with the teacher to enhance independence and personal accountability

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Dragonwindow · 17/09/2023 11:20

I'm a teacher, I'm always very defensive of teachers. But it sounds as though this teacher needs to calibrate to her new setting (I've moved both ways, and it takes time!) I personally would give it at least another fortnight and it might all just settle naturally. Then, if there's been no change, I would have a polite word with the teacher explaining that your daughter is not used to this approach, and she's finding it difficult. And then give another few weeks before going to the Head if necessary.