is school turning my happy little boy into a whingey sod?

[Divastrop]

i posted a couple of months ago about ds2's behaviour problems(?) since his new teacher started in january.there was alot of upheaval as she started then went of sick for a while,meaning they had different teachers all the time.

his new teacher called me in after school to tell me ds2 was being disruptive,not listening,playing with toys when he was meant to be sitting on the carpet etc.i have been asking her every day about his behaviour,taking away treats if he hasnt behaved etc trying to sort this out.

however,i have noticed that he seems to be becoming a whinger,which he never used to be.instead of asking for help with something,he will whinge and moan.if dd2(2.3)tries to engage him in playfighting he whinges about that('mum,G slapped me'{when she has laughingly tapped him or something}).today he came out of school and gave me a mothers day card he made,and without even looking at me or giving me a chance to speak he said 'do you not like it?'

i am worried his confidence is being destroyed,that he has been labelled as 'naughty' by his teacher and that is affecting him.his teacher is young and inexperienced,and she seems to have trouble dealing with the more boisterous boys in the class.his first teacher had been teaching reception for 19 years,and there were never any problems when she was there.

i dont like the idea of only negative things being focused on all the time,plus i dont see why 4 and 5 year old boys are being told off for acting like 4 and 5 year old boys(in the playground,i mean).for example,one of ds friends got sent inside at playtime for jumping in a puddle.

i'm worried.

bump

If its any consolation my dd1(6) is the same and has been since reception.During the school holidays her behaviour alters and she is like my lovely girl again.

same here - ds is 4.6 and didn't talk at all in class in the first 3 months of reception bacause teacher told him off for doing things a 4 years old would do:

• slow getting changed
• tried to eat a biscuit from lunch box just before end of lesson
• no forming letters of his name properly

so he was scared of opening his mouth when she was around, when I asked her how is he getting on she suggested I have him checked as she thought he had a hearing/speach problem

I had to work hard at home and talk to teacher many times to bring ds confidence back....

thank you

i honsetly feel like saying to the teacher next time she tells me he's been 'naughty','well do your bloody job and deal with it then!!!'.surely they are expecting too much from children that age?and why the pansey-itis?i can just imagine the teacher getting involved at the slightest hint of a squabble ,saying 'now,now,share nicely'

i remember in my day()if two children had a fight in the playground they had their heads banged together.not that i would like to see a return of such things,but surely they can allow boys to behave like boys now and again?

Bumping for you Diva as requested although no experience myself (... yet)!

interesting article:

news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30100-1307533,00.html

Diva, the reception teacher at our school is the same. She is rubbish with boys in that she expects them to behave like angels and comes complaining when they (inevitably) don't. She , however, is a VERY experienced teacher..

If it's any consolation dd2 is also a whinge bucket atm and dd3 is copying her .

If I were you I would go to the teacher and voice your concerns. Be assertive, not aggressive. You are his mother and have a perfect right/duty to discuss your concerns with them. If you are still not happy go to the head.

it will pass

thanks for the link cantputfingeron,very interesting.

kitty-i want to say to the teacher that i only want to know if he has been agressive or very disruptive,ie not sitting down atall when they are supposed to for registration or the short time at the end of the day.i want to say that anything other than that i dont personally consider bad behaviour from a 4.5 year old.

Really, she needs a plan of action as to how to positively help him to change his behaviour. I would ask her about her ideas as to how to do this, and perhaps what is done in school could be supported at home. The sort of thing I am thinking of is maybe a star chart for managing to sit on the carpet,etc and then you get told at the end of the day how many stars he achieved. The trick is the goals need to be really achievable for him ('I sat still on the carpet and looked at the teacher and listened until the (3 minute) sand timer ran out'), and he needs to be rewarded quickly the moment he is doing the 'right' thing. Not that I am saying it is the wrong thing to play with toys, it is just that a big part of school is learning to conform to what others are doing.