Difficult year

[elsieandthepooch]

DD is due to finish reception this week. Large primary school and for next year they have mixed the classes up.

DD has had an ongoing issue since the start of reception with 1 particular girl in her class. The other girl developed a very intense bond to DD to the point of DD not being able to make other friends and play freely. We flagged this with the teacher and they agreed that it was an unhealthy dynamic and would support in the classroom to ensure DD was separated as much as possible.

This worked to a degree with the teacher matching them with other children in the class. This really helped DD and she started to come out of school happy and said that it was nice to be able to play with other children. She slowly started to make new friends and one particular girl who she was matched with became a good friend.

Rewind 2 weeks ago and class allocations are announced - they mixed the classes. At our request DD was separated from intense child and was placed with her new friend who she has become good friends with.

On the day of the announcement, DD came out holding new friends hand saying that they were together for Y1. Following closely behind was the intense little girl crying because she was not in the same class. However, she wasn't bothered about not being with DD she was bothered about not being with DD's new friend.

At a party on Saturday, DD spends most of it in tears because original intense child has now decided that she wants to be best friends with other little girl. No problem with this as we have always encouraged free play and to play with lots of children. However, DD tried to join in and she was pushed and told to go away. This child;s mum remarked that up until 2 weeks ago her DD has not even mentioned the name of this other child.

This week DD has been really upset and not wanting to go to school. She told me that intense child had told her that she could no play with this other little girl as she was now her best friend. DD has been spending breaktimes on the friendship bench.

Monday she came out of school and said that because she had sat next to the little girl, the intense one had come over and stomped on her fingers on the carpet so she would move. She told the teacher, but the teacher said it was probably an accident.

Yesterday when I picked her up from school she burst into tears and refused to tell me what was wrong. She sat in our lounge crying, but said she was just hot and tired. I messaged the teacher to see whether something had happened at school, but she said not to her knowledge. I referenced the situation that has been happening and I felt like the teacher just didn't want to know - end of term/ being separated etc.

However, DD has said that she is worried about Y1 and not having any friends because if she tries to make any new friends the same thing will likely happen with intense child just jeopardising every friendship.

Has anybody been through similar and will all of this fizzle out?

Just one idea, could you arrange a playdate during the summer with the new friend, your DD might be more relaxed to be herself and may build her confidence a bit.

I wouldn't worry about it the intense one won't be with them anyway.
It's hardly surprising the intense one is upset though. (No excuse for behaviour though).
My eldest had to be separated from a boy going into y1 thankfully they stopped playing together as he would tell her to do stuff and get her in trouble. And was tricky out of school but Angel in.

I have a colleague like this, comes between friendships all the time. What I’m saying is that some people are just like this and intense one might not change. The school have done all they can. I definitely think you should use the summer to your advantage and encourage mixing with your new class, not just the current new friend, so she start of Y1 on the front foot. The new class parents might appreciate this as well as their DCs will likely be glued to friends in their current class.

Yes. I agree. Broaden our friendships. One best friend always leads to possession issues. It is not healthy. Maybe do playing at home with three friends. Children need a variety of friends to head off these issues. That very much is your DD too. It wax inevitable the other child would feel pushed out. As she is. Now yours is being pushed out. As she is. You can see the pattern developing. You need to break the cycle.

Plus these DDs are very young. They have limited capacity to understand or amend their feelings. So don’t be too harsh on very young Dc.