4YO struggling with school settles – help! WWYD?

[TMarieClara]

My usually gregarious 4 year old has a place at a lovely village school this September, we've just started doing transition days, and they've been awful.

We're moving areas, so she's not going to school with any of her friends, which is probably the main issue, but she's usually very good at making friends. On the two mornings she's attended so far, she's basically ignored the other kids, clung to me and cried. She's been at full time daycare for years, so this has come as a painful surprised. We did a morning with me on Friday, then today I was supposed to drop her but ended up going in because she was so distressed.

We have another morning on Wednesday. What would you do?

• Do drop off myself and prepare myself to stay?
• Have dad and grandmother do drop off and prepare them for tears?
• Skip the day and hope she's got used to the idea by September?

(Please don't say hold back school as she'd need to change preschool anyway, as we both work full time, and I imagine that would be much the same. This is a really small school, just fifteen in her intake mixed with preschool, so it feels like potentially a great setting for her)

I would Talk about how exciting her day will be and talk about all the fun things she will do, then I would take her to school still talking about the exciting day she will have and then when you get to the door give her a kiss and hand her over to the teacher and keep smiling then walk away. She will sense your hesitation if you let it show, you will feel horrible doing this but the teaching staff will have dealt with this hundreds of times.

Thanks @ForensicFlossy – I tried a bit of this, and was really hoping it would help. I even did that thing where you draw a heart on your hands to connect you with magic hugs. She began crying before we'd even got out the car, and the only way I could have left her is if she'd been peeled off me screaming.
😩

My DS was one of the older ones (he started on his 5th birthday). He cried for every single 1 of his 10 transition days! When he actually started school, he cried at drop off for about a week then got used to it and was fine.

I'd still take your DD to the next one so she gets used to the environment and just brace yourself for tears. It DOES get better!

You could do a visual story of the journey. Walk the route without dc and take a few pictures, from dc eye level. Make a few into a story strip, rehearse it with them. The last pics should be pic of their coat hook and then 2 or 3 items she likes in the room. Don't drop her off next time, ask someone else. If its an option break handhold at entry door, smiling breezily, reassure they will return 'play first, then Gran'. Handholding and clutching on while saying, "Mummy needs to go/I am going to leave/time to go" just drags the tension out. Ask if she can take a little item from home in pocket or to hold to help transition. It won't last though!!

I believe it is easier for them if you try and do the transition as calmly as possible, and don’t go in or wait hoping she will calm. (By which I mean, yes she may need to be peeled off you and then you leave sharpish)

I don’t think you need to be relentlessly upbeat about it, it is a hard transition for her but she will get there. You need to give it at least 2 weeks I think.

Can you talk to the school and see if they can buddy her up for then next session with someone?

You have my sympathy op, it really gets to me when they cry at drop off! Does she like reading? Theres a lovely book called Tom and Small which is about being worried about starting school.