Reception class allocations - separated from friends

[Pl242]

Recently learnt classroom allocations for DC for their 2 form entry school for reception this September. We were able to indicate some preferences on classmates and none have been met. Whilst there will be some familiar faces in my child’s class, all their closest friends are in the other class (including those who requested to be with our child). We’re also the only family not to be put in the same class as siblings from our older childrens’ classes (this is an unofficial tradition in the school).

I completely understand that the school is under no obligation to meet preferences and am sure there are probably either some good reasons behind the decision or it’s just a numbers game. But I’ve had a really strong emotional reaction to this and can’t help feeling hard done by!

I’m sure the feeling will subside, we’ll make the best of it, they’ll of course make new friends and we’ll try to retain friendships from the other class etc, but at the moment it just feels pretty unfair.

Welcome any views from those who have been there, are going through the same, teachers if they’re lurking. Thanks.

Honestly both classes will mix a lot. Think of it as your child will learn to make more friends so your little one will have more people to play with.

At that age friendships are really fickle anyway, they will make new friends, and in reception they have a lot of freeplay, at our school the two reception classes share inside and outside space during free play times, so the children mix together then and at playtime/lunchtime.

They will make new friendships very soon but you can ask whether there is any room to move as someone from the other class might want to swap.

It might be your child has been deliberately separated from their closes friends if there is another reason behind them not being together - even another parent has requested it or they tend to be too intense in the friendship or too boisterous when together etc.

Yes. I see what you’re both saying but in our experience of the school with our other children, the social groups tend to be pretty much focused within the class especially re play dates, parties etc. and there’s often so much going on within the class that limited time to keep with friends from other classes outside of school, especially if you have more than one child.

I suspect there is a genuine reason that you perhaps are unaware of.

Is your child more on the shy side?

@TheSnowyOwl well unless other parents are lying to me they had requested to be with my child too and are also disappointed. But for them there’s the trade off of other children they requested to be with. Ie. The situation is akin to 4 families all asking for their children to be in one class. 3 are together. 1 isn’t. Which is my child so just feel a little ostracised if that makes sense. I’m mulling over whether to ask the school as I’m curious but also don’t want to be that parent/just try to move forwards positively etc.

My DD started reception knowing no one. Most her nursery friends went to a different school but she was absolutely fine. Made friends so quickly. She clicked with one girl straight away and has been inseparable 2 years on.

Just having the familiar faces will help but it will be wonderful opportunity for your LO to make new friends.

@RedToothBrush yes, can be a little shy at times but not overly so. As above I’m
toying with the idea of asking the school but also thinking it might be best to let it go.

@PrancerandDancer thanks. Yes. This was the situation with my eldest. I’m not worried that they’ll not make friends, just feel a bit sad that it will now be harder to maintain existing friendships when not in same class.

This really won’t be a problem. Your child is likely to meet new friends and be able to play with his existing ones during break and lunchtimes.

IME it’s not a bad thing.

Don't say anything. Its really unnecessary. Nursery friendships aren't set for life. They are just familiar faces and pretty much toddlers playing alongside each other. Don't make them into something more significant than they are. The new kids in their class will be familiar to them soon enough.

Where I've seen this done with my son's age group and parents complain it's ALWAYS been because there's a quite child being dominated by one or more child. I knew the kids well and have been helping out with them since nursery so knew the tensions better than most. Obviously I couldn't say anything about why because it has the potential to cause tension / upset (and part of volunteering is not disclosing this info).

So I would bet they are giving your child an opportunity away from the other group to help her get some confidence and perhaps form more friendships which are more in her interests.

Incidentally the kids that were in this position coped and are now doing much better for it from what I've seen.

There may be purely practical reasons e.g. our 2-class Foundation year has 2 "Suzies" so they have one per class. They manage what they can within their limiations. You just don't know the arrangements needed for other pupils.

Thanks for replies. I was leaning towards leaving it with the school and these responses are cementing that view. If I asked I imagine I’d either hear something uncomfortable, just be told what they think I want to hear or some boring practical thing that can’t be overcome and won’t change anything.

Don't be that parent OP. They will make new friends

Yes. Thanks all. Will let it go as they say!

4 year olds don't have best friends, they chat with any kid who chats back. You really do not have to worry, they don't need familiar faces next to them for them to be okay

Honestly it might turn out for the best! My daughter is in current reception and was placed with her two best friends from nursery. The whole year has been full of ups and downs as they've not branched out and made other friends and have stuck together. Class allocations are about to be announced for Y1 and I have requested that DD is separated to support with her social development.

This happened to us. Talk to the school. There's a lot of movement in reception where we are with places becoming available through the year. I asked the school to consider letting them move if a place became available, which it did in the first half term and we moved class. The new child then joined the other class.

I was really polite, but worked on the don't ask, don't get. I reconciled myself to it not happening but knew I'd be annoyed if a space came up in that class and the school didn't know we'd have wanted it. Good luck!

^^ this! my DD says the girl she sees at swimming lessons once a week is her best friend and that she loves her - they see each other for half and hour a week, don't know each others name and rarely talk...

It depends on how you feel in a day or two but equally there's no issue with asking school either. Do you have a home visit or similar coming up? You could always mention it there and ask if there is a reason why it's been overlooked or not happened. Accidents re these forms do happen time to time and most school won't mind clarifying for you. Our school is currently doing 1:1 home visits and this would be an ideal time to mention it, even if it won't necessarily possible to change it.

Just to give another perspective, my eldest was new to the school in reception and was put in a class with two large groups of boys and girls who were all best friends from nursery. They remained super cliquey from R to Yr6, he never stood a chance socially and found it very hard. Perhaps the school are trying to mix things up and separate groups for the sake of those kids who won't know anyone at all?

TA here. In Reception friendships vary minute to minute.
In preschool friendships are really maintained by the parents. In school they just play with everyone. A new child is a novelty and usually very popular.
I can see why you would worry OP but truly, it will he absolutely fine.

My quiet/shy son had this when he started both primary and secondary schools. We were worried but he was absolutely fine. A lot of them are in the same boat and they make new friends quickly. I think it's better than them going up in their own "groups" as they're less likely to bother trying to make new friends if they're around their old friends.

I understand why you're upset. You could put it to the school that you're happy to follow their lead but that you are concerned and therefore might feel a bit more positive if you understood the reasons behind their decision. I think this is a very reasonable request. Don't let it eat away at you. Or if you feel you can move on in a few days then leave it.