How do you get able children to do more than the minimum?

[BrushYourHairRightNow]

I have two daughters in the equivalent of Y6 and Y4 (we live abroad). Both are bright, happy, sociable kids. Their first few years at school they were getting "top marks" in everything - though the assessments were pretty gentle. Now they do more and more tests and for both of them their marks are dropping to "average".

I coasted as a kid. I was bright and could get away with the minimum, so never really had to put the big effort in. I was always relieved to not get crap marks, and "happy" with my mediocre marks, but always a little ashamed that I didn't do better.

I've said to both girls that really I don't care about the marks themselves, but do care about a) how much effort they put in and b) how they feel afterwards (ie proud rather than relieved/ashamed).

But how do you reinforce that in them? They are so capable, and I HATE to see them go down the same path I did. It made me shy away from challenging opportunities, and whilst I've done ok now, I do know I could've made choices that made me feel good about myself instead of blocking out certain opportunities because I was scared they were going to just prove that I should've worked harder.

They both do some nice extracurricular activities where they see the obvious rewards from putting in the effort... It just doesn't end up the same when it comes to school work...

I would actually praise the good marks. You need them to know you value this. I know about the growth mindset but I think the key is that if they don't get the good marks, you don't actually say that's ok. You discuss with them how to do better next time. I see it's like at work. We have project retrospectives to look at what went well and what can be done better next time.

Well they are assessed quite heavily here, right from the get-go. And next year for DC1, there are assessments (tests and overall work) that determines the secondary route - a bit like UK grammar/comprehensive but more extreme I would say.

I'm not sure I'd make "getting top marks" the goal. More the 80/20 principle. Why spend an extra ton of effort just for a xouple of extra marks? I would just enjoy and not make "scoring high" the goal as so much can crumble when your worth is based on scores.

If they're doing oka at school Id instead follow hobbies, interprets and passions out of school. What do they love?! What would they like to do/learn? A sport? An instrument? They spend enough time at school in primary not to worry about fussing over homework.

@BrushYourHairRightNow We are in a grammar county. You didn’t have to let Dc sit the tests though. As my DC didn’t face tests all through primary they just got on with learning and life. Nothing forced. If you live in this competitive schooling country it’s a shame.

Jesus Christ they are kids, let them enjoy their childhood and stop worrying about this. You are projecting 100% and nagging at them about effort is ridiculous.

I'm an ex primary school teacher and I've taught in a foreign country. It's def not easy even if you think your kids are fluent.
I have a DD and taught her to read at age 3 through engaging fun activities and not hammering her with work and tasks. She has no idea she was even learning. Not memorizing rote facts.
There are more important things than this in life and fyi hubby and I both coasted ..both teachers, with degrees, masters and I've qualified as an accountant recently.
The more effort I put in the more stressed I got and put me off learning.
There has to be a balance. This is why I gave up teaching, I hate seeing kids being badgered and put under pressure.

When they were very small I offered rewards for effort. If they could tell me 7x table without mistake £1 etc. If they went up a reading scheme colour £1. I still do extrinsically reward but I don't need to because somewhere along the way doing their very best to gain reward became a habit. It helps that they are friends with other like minded children and often they compete for highest marks in a test or who completes coursework first etc. Now, if I didn't offer a reward my child still does his best. A salary is an extrinsic reward so really just getting them ready for real life.

Hmmm. See I don't think competing for highest marks in tests is actually healthy. (Ex grammar school teacher).

No. It’s not healthy. @BrushYourHairRightNow You also
do not understand assessment. This is not simply about tests. It’s work in class. It’s contributing to lessons. It’s explaining to the teacher snd others about a topic. It might therefore be oral. It’s the teacher observing what Dc can do and where they need help so progress is observed. So testing is just part of the picture. It’s sad only one form of assessment appears to be used. This is to the detriment of your DC.

Is it important for them to score highly in these sets of exams? Can they pull it out of the bag when needed?

I was, and am still a very high achiever - however I only really learned about efficiency of effort after I had my child.

I could not sustain the quality and quantity of output that I demanded of myself at work at the same time as parenting to the level I wanted to do so.

So I had to learn that good enough is good enough. Sometimes it is worth giving enough effort to a task to get you to where you need to me. Extra effort is wasted, and could be spent more productively elsewhere.

So if your children are still bright and capable but not putting every effort into every test, but they can still make it count when it is important, maybe it isn’t such a bad thing to give them space to relax or explore other things.