Reward schemes that exclude a minority of children

[Unconscionableschooldecision]

Please be gentle as I'm really upset about this on DD's (and her affected peers') behalf!

DD's primary school operates a recognition scheme whereby a child is picked out as a 'star' in a special assembly each week. Their teacher writes a lovely poem (or similar tribute) about them and they get to wear a special badge until the next recipient's turn.

Over the course of a child's school career, they attend enough assemblies that they could reasonably expect to receive one of these awards. Unfortunately, recipients aren't tracked and there have been a number of repeat recipients. DD is nearing the end of Y6 and risks being one of just 3 in her class of 30 who haven't been recognised in this way. It has been causing quite a lot of upset at home for some time, to the point where the award has pretty much lost its value for DD who feels she would only now receive it because they've run out of anyone else to give it to.

I emailed the head, asking whether there were plans to ensure everyone would receive the award by the end of Y6 and received an inevitable fobbing-off response to the effect that not everyone can expect to be successful with everything and that children are recognised in other ways (this has not been particularly evident for DD this year but that's another thread...). But I really feel the sheer numbers involved means this should be a 'prizes for everyone' situation.

I am biased but DD is well behaved, works hard, and has a number of great attributes that aren't particularly hidden (plus others that go underestimated - she is autistic so just getting through a school day is much more of a challenge than many realise). This isn't right, is it??!

Well, as of yesterday DD is down to just one of two in her class who hasn’t had it. I’m genuinely pleased for the classmate who got it but DD is distraught. It coincides with her having a general wobble about being a bit different/struggling to cope with things her peers seem to take in their stride and unfortunately she is absolutely fixated on this. Of course she put on a brave face (masked) at school so teachers can’t see the impact, not that they care anyway. We do what we can to boost her confidence at home but there’s a limit; your mum/dad are no substitute for a school authority figure recognising your great qualities. I really cannot find an acceptable way of justifying to DD why she should just accept being one of 2 out of 30 who haven’t been acknowledged.

To rub salt into the wound, she was actually called up for one of the weekly awards in assembly yesterday. In some ways it was lovely to hear what a good friend she’s been but it was infuriating that our request that she be left out of the weekly awards (because she doesn’t like the unpredictability of them) has been ignored/forgotten. DD reckons it’s intended as a consolation prize because she’ll never get this star of the school award so if anything it has made matters worse.

Sorry to resurrect the thread - not needing a reply but just wanted to vent 😭

@Unconscionableschooldecision I do hate this sort of thing! By age 10/11 DC do know what’s going on! You still have half a term. So maybe just sit tight?

I do prefer every child being congratulated for what they have achieved and contributed at a leavers ceremony in y6. Nothing else. It doesn’t promote anything to have “stars” all the time and just shows up whose face doesn’t fit or the favourites week after week. Yuk!

I think I said earlier we had private “well done“ cards in book bags in infants. Nothing at junior until leavers day.

Thank you for the moral support! There is a slim chance but DD reckons she knows the schedule (they rotate through 3 year groups, with 3 forms in each) so unlikely to get round to her (or the other child who hasn’t had it). Much prefer the sound of a nice postcard home!

This all makes me so cross for all the grey children, both of ours fall into this category and were rarely acknowledged

But to give you all hope I want to tell you about what happened to DS after he finished school last year

He had only been at Uni for 2 weeks when we received a letter from his school in the post asking if he would be available to attend prize giving to be presented with the Headteachers Boys award for sustained personal development and achievement

He may have been the grey kid for most of his school life but at the end he had his moment to shine.

So it can happen we just need to make sure they believe in themselves as much as we do

@Unconscionableschooldecision I had absolutely no idea what postcards others got. However I would be absolutely certain no one was left out. No parent ever complained that I heard of. It was congratulating the child and letting parents know. Who else really matters?

Sometimes schools think public recognition is motivational. If you never get recognised, how is that going to motivate you? It’s counterproductive and schools should stop doing it.

I'm a teacher and hate this - my fab TA has a little book to track all the awards we give out. We definitely make sure everyone has a turn and there's a valid reason that child is picked. I do know some staff (not at my current school) pick the same children over and over and it's awful for the others. I do think constant effort should be praised but not as star of the week.

Pausetherain I'm so so sorry that's happening to your daughter. That's absolutely dreadful! I apologise that some staff working in schools are so thoughtless. If it was my turn to hand out the awards in assembly, I wouldn't hand it out and would definitely be explaining why to the teacher.

My son (now 26) came home once with the award. I asked him what he'd done and he said, "Oh, it's quite easy, I just didn't do much till Wednesday then I tried really hard."

That's absolutely hideous! Your poor daughter.