Private School dilema

[3littlemulls]

We have been really lucky to secure a 30% reduction in private school fees for my son for a school in Scotland (i think hes cat score helped with this) but the fees still equate to £1200 pm. Both me and hubby are on a combined income of around £73,000. My parents have kindly offered to help with the fees (basically they have said they can pay everything and take it out of our inheritance) or they could loan us some money each year. Without the bursary reduction we wouldn't be able to send ds with the loan, but i worry the school would remove the bursary if my family are paying the fees. I literally have no idea how they came to the conclusion that we could afford £1200 a month on our salary anyway (i work part time and only just earn that in a month so after bills etc it would never have been possible to pay the fees)

My question is do we let my parents pay the fees on the basis that i think a financial review will result in the bursary being removed? Does anyone have any experience of family helping towards fees and still receiving a bursary? Without the 30% we wouldn't be able to send ds. Fees have just gone up this term by 12%. Ds is autistic so we are desperate for him to go the the school because it has such a fantastic support system in place (there are other reasons too)

The school will not know you are getting the money from your parents.

But it sounds like you cannot afford it, even with help and even with the reduced fees.

There are lots of extras involved with private school too.

The school will remove your bursery if your parents pay the fees. There is usually a question on the application form that asks if there is any financial assistance available from family.

The school will probably ask for three months bank statements every year too, so they will see if you are receiving payments from someone else and not declaring it.

Oh, I didn’t know that.

The school do random financial reviews for those that get bursary assistance and i wouldn't want to cheat the system. They would see incomings and outgoings. The financial assessment to get the bursary was very invasive. We are lucky ds gets free bus transport in scotland so its literally the fees that would be the biggest thing. The initial uniform outlay is no different to my school that was a catchment. But perhaps you are right. At what point do we actually just say no this isnt affordable. gah.

To me it looks easily affordable. What on earth are you doing with your money? You can pay the fees out of your annual income and still be on 3x more than I have ever been on, and many others. Are you wallpapering the house with bank notes?

What if your parents help by settling other bills for you? say a direct debit from them direct to your energy providers to pay half the gas, and half the electricity, etc. That wouldnt show up on you r bank statements, would it?

There are other household bills to pay, mortgage and council tax, gas etc. Food. We are a family of 5. So yes without taking this into account of course we could. But sadly that isnt the case. the fees are almost my entire wage so that would leave only my husbands wage to pay for the above which wouldnt be possible. We have looked at in depth. We certainly dont live lavishly. We dont have holidays abroad, we dont have expensive cars and we dont go out. Like literally ever. But some nice wallpaper would be lovely 😮

One thing to bear in mind is that there are a lot of costs you might not be expecting- trips, materials, etc. These things can really add up. If you're already on the edge of affordability it is a risky situation, especially if there is a government change when there will be a 20% (?) increase for V.A.T added on.
I'm sorry to say I don't think you can afford this.

The question to ask is, are there any families in your area who survive on a household income of between £50k and £60k. Given that full time 40 hours per week minimum wage with two earners would be a total of £43k ish per year, obviously you could survive. Wouldn't be much fun though.

The bursary application I looked at specifically asked "are there any grandparents or other relatives with the means and willingness to contribute to the fees". They also said they would continue to review financial circumstances every year and any bursary awarded would be reduced if your financial circumstances improved. I am sure that if there was no net drop in your general spending patterns and disposable income, as compared to time of application, because you had money coming in that matched the outlay on fees, it wouldn't matter whether it was coming from a gift from grandparents or having taken an extra job or regularly winning it big on the bingo, it would still be classified as an improvement of your financial circumstances.

Yes, the government 20% bit is scary. I wonder how many parents would be able to afford the extra uplift if and when this happens.

Could you work full time? If so could you give up the bursary and accept your parents' help?

Thats a good suggestion. But sadly not an option. we don't have childcare help (my parents live in England) and one of my children has medical needs so one of us always needs to be on hand) so we work opposite each other. i fit my shifts in around my husbands full time job. But i could definitely work extra shifts here and there.

What's the state alternative? Is it really that bad? Not sure I'd risk this in the current economic climate.

3littlemulles, if it was about neurotypical child I would say go ahead and find a local good state school. It is not worth it if you are a familly of 5. But with autistic child it is very different and a school can change so much. Having said that I would say that maybe you could think about moving somewhere where you are in a catchment of a great state schools with the good SEN?