Comparing children...

[minko]

My friend's daughter and my DD started in reception last September. There are 5 groups in their class according to age/ability. Initially both of them being summer babies they started in the 'lowest' group, but recently my friend's DD has been promoted twice, whilst DD has stayed where they started.

I know this is stupid but I feel really upset about this. It's obvious that friend's DD is much more able in reading, sums, drawing etc. but I guess I'm not used to my DD being found 'inferior'.

She's only 4 and a half! I can't believe I am worrying about this already...

They develop at different rates, you know this. Your DD will come into her own with her own strengths in one area or another. It hurts...it passes. She is only 4.5.

i do this with my ds(6) he always seems way behind if i compare him to others his age

It does hurt, not sure why but it does CAT! Not sure where her strengths are at the moment. She seems intent on being class comedian, she doesn't take anything seriously...

She is her own person. She isn't a performing monkey. She will do these things when she is ready. Just be there for her to help her when she asks for help, when she wants to do things.
It sounds as though she is really enjoying the social side of reception. Don't spoil that. She is developing her social skills. Maybe that might be an area her friend may need to develop later. Give her some space to be herself and try not to worry at this stage.

There you go: making people laugh is brilliant. Think how many parents they'd rather their child was more sociable.

I wanted to send DD private and DH went ballistic, he said that the most important thing in primary school is making good friends and developing social skills and he doesn't care if she does not read or do maths until she's 7 as long as she carries on being a happy, talkative friendly girl...and after seeing friend's children being pushed really hard at the age of 4-5 to read, write, do sums etc I now agree with my husband.
Having a balanced outlook and a confident personality and friends is more important than reading especially at age 4/5!!!!
Don't worry!
There will always be a child somewhere who can do something that is measured "better" than your child. But only your child is your child, so concentrate on the fun bits and poo to the rest.

DD2 (Sept birthday)was a long way behind what DD1 (summer birthday)achieved in reception and year 1.

She had pretty much caught up by year 3 and now in year 4 is already hitting targets that her older sister was getting in year 6!

They all progress at different rates and some summer born babies are more ready for learning than others - it does not mean your dd is poor, just not ready for formal learning.

Please try not to get stressed about it- you may unwittingly put this over to her and the most important thing for her at the mo is to enjoy playing, develop confidence and make friends.

Oh Minko I agree with others. A friend of DD's is an amazing reader, always has been, but I bet his mum would like it if he could ride his bike, or swim a width of the pool - both skills my neighbour's DS is fab at.

Children have different strengths, as do adults. I am sure yr DD is fine. Yes, social skills as important as others you know. I know a boy in FS2 who is another excellent reader, but alas inclined to pinch, punch, push and poke other children. I would rather have a poorer reader who behaved better myself...

minko, my dd's in Reception, just turned 5 and brilliant at reading / writing etc. BUT she struggles so much with the social side of school I find it almost painful to see / hear about sometimes. She's incredibly shy. I would be happy for her to slip down 3 groups if it meant she was more out-going and confident at school instead.

On another note, if you want to, you can always do a little extra reading with your dd at home if she's interested in doing it. sometimes I think they are very distracted by school and she might concentrate better if it were just you and she. It depends how often / who with they read at school of course.

DD1 was very slow to read and write compared to her peers. She's now overtaken a lot of them - just different development rates. DD2 is quite advanced in some areas for 4 years, but now I know not to take any notice - everything will probably change...

She's not inferior, she's getting teaching that is appropriate for her ability, which is much better than teaching which ISN'T appropriate.

And I agree that the ability to make peole feel comfortable is better than a degree in many many jobs. Cherish those social skills, they are worth their weight in gold!

I know the feeling, but it is very important that dd doesn't pick up on this from you. Your job is to be proud of what she does, let her friend's mum worry about her friend.
And if at some stage your dd is offered extra support by the school, take it as something positive. My ds has had quite a bit of support, and it really has been good for him. Like your dd, he is a summer baby, and quite babyish compared to some of his mates of the same age, so formal learning has moved very slowly, but the point is it is moving, he is learning things. To him being in bottom set meant not constantly having to compare himself to his brilliant friend, which was damaging his confidence. Instead, he has been given work to do which he had a chance of achieving.
And I am learning to be proud of every new step forward without having to compare him to anyone else.

Its perfectly normal to feel like this. I remember it well especially if its your first one going to school. I just echo what everyone else has said. Relax about it, it really isnt important certainly at this age. They all develop at different rates. They can be in bottom set through infants and top in juniors and vice versa.

i was going to add - are you entirely sure the children are being graded in some way? Ours move groups/tables because of personality clashes etc - I asked once and it is definitely not for grading - they are moved every half term

There is a 12 month age gap between the youngest and the oldest in a reception class. In the early years sets are fairly fluid.