Bullying and hitting back?

[ALMummy]

My DS started in Reception at the beginning of this term. 4 times now he has come home with facial and body injuries. Once a thick ear, now a bruise on his eye, grazes on his shoulders and back and today another graze/bruise on his forehead. He tells me the same name each time but TBH he is not one for telling tales so it is very difficult to get any real information out of him. I have spoken to his teacher and they say they will speak to the child in question. DH wants to tell DS to hit this child back, he says he must learn to stand up for himself but this has never been our way. He has never been hit by anyone in his life so just doesnt understand it. What is the next step please if this continues? I have spoken to his teacher a couple of times and thats the end of it. I myself am getting close to telling DS to hit back just to give this kid a shock and make him think twice. He is only 5, I never imagined this sort of thing happened so early .

Thing is, you can bet your bottom dollar that if your DS hits back, it will come to the attention of the school and he'll be punished!

I'd take it to the Head. Explain politely that you have raised this with the teacher on a number of occasions but the behaviour has continued. Also, each time it happens, put it in writing to the school.

I would also take photos of the injuries and make notes on what your ds said happened, what you did and what the teachers said/did. This will help form a good log of what has been happening and can be used as eveidence to prove how long, the severity of it and what has/hasn't been done about it.

I don't send my child to school to get injured. A bumped head, bloody knee is entirely different from this.

I echo Critterjitter about putting everything in writing, it forces them to take the issue seriously. Its heartbraking.

I have been tested on this so many times, but in my heart I feel hitting back isn't the answer. I suggest your ds takes up martial arts so he may feel stronger, talk about what to do if he is near the boy - signs to look out for, when to walk away, shout 'stay back' putting his hand up and walking away to a safe place.

My other thoughts are about this other boy - has he older siblings? the reason I ask is that i have 3 boys and my eldest is now getting very physical - wanting to wrestle, re-enact battles etc. whre ich consequently means previously very gentle younger brothers are now joining in. They love it - lots of squealing and giggling. The problem comes when the wrestling turns too rough, its a very fine line.

My friend also went through this with her daughter and another girl. It took some nerve but instead of getting angry she taught her daughter to 'baffle her enemy' - by inviting her round for tea and they have been fine ever since.

Don't hit back. The school should sort it out.

Go to the Head-this is bullying-they must have a policy and have to deal with it.

It happened to us and after seeing the teachers and listening to the assurances that it would be dealt with and wasnt, we told our ds to hit back, and hard enough for the child to leave him alone. Then we told the head that, altough not a course of action we would usually choose, felt we had tried all avenues and this was the last resort. Head quietly agreed that sometimes it is what it takes to get things sorted, even though he knew it was not the correct way of dealing with it! And it did!!Reason for telling head was so that if any further problems to come to us, not our child.

Thanks everyone. I know it is not the ideal way to go about things but I have told DS that he must first shout "Dont hit me" very loudly and then tell a teacher or grown up. If there is no teacher about and they dont stop then rather than him take a duffing he is to hit back as hard as he can. I spoke to his teacher this morning and she said she would look into it (again!) but I have sent DH to pick him up this afternoon and he is a lot more forthright than me so hopefully she will take things a bit more seriously. Am keeping a diary as well. That is really good advice for any negative situation I think. Thanks again.

I originally posted nearly a month ago. Yesterday my DS came home with 4 great big gouges out of his face where another child had gone for him and scratched him because he would not play with her. It was represented to us when my DH picked him up as DS having been involved in a 'scrap'. When I asked him what he did he told me that he didnt hit her back because "I dont hit girls because they are not as strong as me". Last week he came with gouges in his hand where the same child had scratched him because he wouldnt give her a toy. One of the scratches on his face is so deep that it will probably scar. I keep on and on complaining and nothing seems to happen. I have taken photos of these injuries. Can anyone who has been through this tell me what to do next. They are 5 FFS how much can you actually do? I am gutted and want to take him out of school but I know that this will not help DS in the long run. He loves school but it all seems quite rough. He has had 7 facial or body injuries from being attacked by other children since he started at the beginning of January.

I haven't got any advice , only sympathy. I'm sure someone will be along soon to suggest good strategies but it seems to me that a letter to the Head , copied in to the governors would be a good starting point.
Hope it gets resolved - your poor DS

I would include dated photos in with the letter to the head! They will then know you are serious. Good luck.

bump

My 8 year old DS2 was upset last week when 2 girls picked on him for helping out another child they were picking on. They in turn started hitting him. My DS also didn't hit them back because "you don't hit girls". I've told him in future he should get very angry when other children hit him. I've told him to say to himself inside "How dare you hit me. Who do you think you are pushing me around" and to hit them back. If girls can dish it out then they can take it. I get so upset at the thought of other children pushing my boy around - who they hell do they think they are.

Our school recently had self defence classes after school for a while. Can you not enrol your son on some kind of martial art which may give him the confidence to either deal with these ongoing situations or fight back?

My 5 yo DD is being hit/kicked/pushed on a regular basis by another 5 yo girl. We've had the same response as you, teachers saying that they haven't seen anything so can't do anything.

This morning dd spent half an hour crying and screaming that she didn't want to go to school because she's being hit, it broke my heart.

By law every school should have a written anti-bullying policy and should publicise it. There should also be a procedure for reporting, monitoring and reviewing incidents. So now I've written a letter asking for this Policy document (it should have been given when I first reported the bullying). I've also arranged a meeting in which I want them to explain what their procedure for reporting and dealing with bullying incidents. I've logged every incident, and will then get it recorded formally. If that doesn't improve matters then I will speak to the headmaster and then to the Governers board.

I've also told dd to play in sight of grownups at lunch time and if it happens again to shout NO very loudly and report it to the nearest grownup that she trusts.

Hope this helps, don't let them fob you off and good luck!