Transfer Test Dilemma

[RAC001]

My daughter got a really good score and can have her pick of any grammar school she wants, we have a local Grammar school, it's a really good school, loads of subjects, sports, music etc etc the list goes on.
Im worried she may be better in a high school, she finds it hard to make friends and is quite anxious. I'm worried about the workload and the amount of homework might add to her anxiety in later years.
I am questioning why we done the test in the first place as now we are finding it difficult to make a decision.
Has anyone else been in this situation? Can you offer me any advice? What did you do?
I would really appreciate it.
Thanks for reading.

Why do you think she would find it harder to make friends in an academically selective school given she has passed the 11 plus? Surely you discussed this with her as she was preparing to sit the test. Is it her expressing concerns or do they come from you? Given the information you have provided I would send her to the grammar.

Surely it's a bit moot right now as applications for this sept closed months ago and allocations are due soon?

Did you apply on time?

We are in ni so it's slightly different times results are just out but same process.

Concerns came from her teacher about what would be best, very difficult decision to make and we are struggling as we don't want her to be unhappy in years to come.

Do you have the option of any all-ability school with a grammar stream? If she got a really good score (eg 110 plus) I think you need to let her have a go at a grammar if she's happy to apply. Just getting in may be a confidence boost for her. Is she anxious about the work or is that more you? Have you had a chance to talk to her teacher or headteacher about the local schools and get some advice? Most are happy to discuss the options with you.

Where are all her friends going? Has she been on a tour of both schools? Which does she prefer?

What is her anxiety about? Is it about finding school work difficult, being perfectionist, fitting everything in, stressing about competition with others? Did she get stressed about the transfer test?

Or is it more that she is anxious about new people, new situations, social stuff, fear of future things happening etc?

Depending on the source/type of anxiety, being in a less academic school might not make it go away anyway. I was extremely anxious as a child/teen, and an academic school helped - gave me something to focus on, more chance of finding like-minded friends, more interesting clubs beyond just sports that were the main thing at other schools, not feeling weird for being clever, all that sort of thing. There were of course still many other anxieties that would have been there regardless of school, but choosing a less academic school wouldn't have changed that. On the other hand, I did become very perfectionistitc about things, and the competition at the academic school both spurred me on and made me put huge pressure on myself at the same time, which was stressful - but that should have been dealt with regardless (and wasn't).

So it might be that the academic school is best for her, but that you'll need to deal with some of the anxieties anyway. And in some ways, the grammar school might be helpful for her with like-minded children, not feeling as out of place, etc.

She got 111 in the test. The teacher thinks she would be better in an all ability school and her work in class is not a reflection of her score I was disappointed to hear that but hey ho what can you do. Friends are going to all ability schools. She felt more comfortable in the all ability school. But wants to go to the grammar school, because, apparently it is the best. Im so torn and didn't think this could be such a stressful and difficult situation to be in, I worry about the later years and the potential impact the workload may/may not have on her. Having said that she may flourish in the grammar school. She is not a confident person either.

He anxiety is about anything and everything, from making sure she is on time, making new friendships can be difficult as she doesn't know what to say to people, worrying about scores, exam, schoolwork, the list goes on and on.
I know she will feel inferior is she scores lower in a test, she was stressed doing her AQE. But wanted to do it regardless.

I thought that about the after school clubs, but I know she may feel out of place with the sports etc

I would let her go where she wants to go. My DD1 chose to board and not go to a grammar. Dc can be perceptive about what suits them and where they feel at home.

I do Dc can mature and accept they won’t be top. They won’t be best at sport either or drama but they can establish their place in school and find their tribe. It’s also incorrect to think there’s no pressure in another school. They will have expectations too and hers won’t diminish. So accept that she took the test and, if she’s ok with the grammar, go for it.