Other child keeps pushing my child

lyrabelaqua52 · 2023-02-04T15:16:22+00:00

Just wondering what others would do in this situation, another child keeps pushing my 5 year old in school with force. I spoke to the teacher about it and she spoke to the parents but it’s still continuing, yesterday he came home with a bruised and swollen face and a deep open gash on his knee having been pushed to the ground. Unsure as to what to do. My son says he’s not doing this to anyone else.

ABoborTwo · 04/02/2023 16:42

Tell him to do it back? I would.

RandomMess · 04/02/2023 16:49

Ask school what are they are going to do to safe guard your child from being purposely targeted for physical assault.

Original poster

lyrabelaqua52 · 04/02/2023 18:26

Thank you I’ve emailed the head teacher to that effect

OP posts:

DemonHost · 04/02/2023 18:36

Teach him how to punch, and tell him you will reward him for hitting back if someone else hits first.

Cuppasoupmonster · 04/02/2023 18:36

DemonHost · 04/02/2023 18:36

Teach him how to punch, and tell him you will reward him for hitting back if someone else hits first.

This. The only solution 🤷🏼‍♀️ Self defence is absolutely fine.

RachelSq · 04/02/2023 20:03

Against all my instincts, I didn’t tell my 5yo to push back, although the level of pushing was lower as it was in the classroom.

I told him he had to tell the child loudly to stop, if he didn’t stop immediately tell the teacher and if that didn’t stop it to stand up and move away from the child EVERY SINGLE TIME. I’d told the teacher this is what I’d told him to do as I would not tolerate my son being nipped/punched and was teaching my son to advocate for himself.

It seems to have worked well, my 5yo and the other child are now friends and I think the act of my child being the one saying the behaviour was unacceptable to him was more helpful than the teacher just saying no, because all the other child wanted was the attention from my son which he wasn’t getting. They’re good friends now with much more appropriate boundaries and respect.

I’m not sure how I’d have reacted if it was more serious than this, as it is in your case. I think I’m on the side of continuing to press the school for details of how your child will be kept safe (rather than focussing on the other child, who they can’t discuss). I’d be following any calls/meetings up with an email summary as a record too.

I really hope you get this sorted, it sounds awful.

Original poster

lyrabelaqua52 · 04/02/2023 22:00

RachelSq · 04/02/2023 20:03

Against all my instincts, I didn’t tell my 5yo to push back, although the level of pushing was lower as it was in the classroom.

I told him he had to tell the child loudly to stop, if he didn’t stop immediately tell the teacher and if that didn’t stop it to stand up and move away from the child EVERY SINGLE TIME. I’d told the teacher this is what I’d told him to do as I would not tolerate my son being nipped/punched and was teaching my son to advocate for himself.

It seems to have worked well, my 5yo and the other child are now friends and I think the act of my child being the one saying the behaviour was unacceptable to him was more helpful than the teacher just saying no, because all the other child wanted was the attention from my son which he wasn’t getting. They’re good friends now with much more appropriate boundaries and respect.

I’m not sure how I’d have reacted if it was more serious than this, as it is in your case. I think I’m on the side of continuing to press the school for details of how your child will be kept safe (rather than focussing on the other child, who they can’t discuss). I’d be following any calls/meetings up with an email summary as a record too.

I really hope you get this sorted, it sounds awful.

Thank you very much, I’ll be telling him tomorrow to do as you’ve said. He is fortunately or unfortunately like Ghandi he just wants to be good and get on. The child in question is well old enough to know better they’re not toddlers. I’ll keep pressing the school, thank you again

OP posts:

RachelSq · 04/02/2023 22:15

lyrabelaqua52 · 04/02/2023 22:00

Thank you very much, I’ll be telling him tomorrow to do as you’ve said. He is fortunately or unfortunately like Ghandi he just wants to be good and get on. The child in question is well old enough to know better they’re not toddlers. I’ll keep pressing the school, thank you again

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I do hope some of it might help, I totally get why others advise the physical option of standing up for yourself but my child is also very law-abiding in school and I didn’t want to undermine that by telling them to hit back (especially as they were quite hitty at home when they were younger).

I think getting children to advocate for themselves is hugely important - they’re learning to say things aren’t acceptable. This felt like the middle ground approach (compared to the extremes of advising them to hit back or just take it).

LovelyDaaling · 05/02/2023 08:40

My child was physically bullied too. I don't know how long it had been going on but I instilled into him on the day I found out that he had to retaliate in the same way the very next time it happened. He did and it never happened again. Son's self confidence soared.

LovelyDaaling · 05/02/2023 08:44

Just to add, it's all very well to say retaliation isn't the solution but the instinct to retaliate is very strong and I think it's born in us for a reason.

Angelik · 05/02/2023 08:51

The teacher is weak and failing your child. You've got to call official mtg - not chat at the class door- with teacher and head. Put in place clear plan with deadlines so if this is still happening in 2 weeks it has to escalate eg. Move other kid to another class (not your problem if it starts with someone else - callous maybe but you've got to put your child first). The other kid's parents have got to be involved. The fact your child has bruising is a huge deal. You could involve social services too - maybe other parents need help with sorting out this child's behaviour.